Chapter 164 The hollow feeling

Chapter 164 The hollow feeling
Lucian's pov

The training yard was cold and the snow was packed and the torches were burning and the world was quiet.

I stood at the center of the circle with my blade in my hand and my chest heaving and my eyes distant. The cold bit at my skin and the wind howled through the trees and the snow fell in soft, silent sheets. But I did not feel any of it. My body was there but my mind was elsewhere and my heart was elsewhere and my focus was shattered into a thousand pieces. Kade was across from me and his blade was drawn and his eyes were sharp. He had been watching me for the past hour and his patience was wearing thin.

"Lucian," he said.

"Kade."

"Focus."

"I am focused."

"You are not."

"I am."

"You are not."

He lunged and I moved and the steel clashed and the sparks flew. The impact vibrated up my arm and the sound echoed off the stone walls. But my movements were slow and my reactions were dull and my heart was not in it. The fight felt like a chore and the rhythm felt like a burden and the burn felt like a punishment. My feet dragged across the packed snow and my blade wavered in my grip and my breath came in ragged gasps.

Kade pulled back and his voice was low. "What is wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You are lying."

"I am not."

"You are."

I lowered my blade and my hands were shaking and my voice was raw. The weight of everything pressed down on me and I could not shake it. The frost was on the ground and the cold was in the air and the fear was in my heart.

"I cannot focus," I said.

"Why not?"

"I do not know."

He sheathed his blade and crossed his arms and his voice was steady. "Yes, you do."

I was quiet for a moment and the words came out before I could stop them. They tumbled out like stones rolling down a hill and I could not catch them.

"I am thinking about her."

"Cressida?"

"Who else?"

He was quiet for a moment and his voice was soft. "What about her?"

"Everything. The witches. The frost. The war. The council. The hunters. The Frostfall Cup. All of it."

He nodded and his voice was steady. "That is a lot."

"That is everything."

He walked to the edge of the circle and sat on the bench and his voice was low. The wood creaked beneath his weight and he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

"Talk to me," he said.

I sat beside him and the snow was cold and the torches flickered and the silence was heavy. The frost was on the bench and the cold seeped through my clothes and the fear settled in my chest.

"I am scared," I said.

"Scared of what?"

"Scared of losing her."

"You are not going to lose her."

"How do you know?"

"Because I know you."

I looked at him and his eyes were steady and his voice was firm. The torchlight caught the edges of his face and the shadows deepened the lines around his eyes.

"She is strong. She is brave. She is a fighter. And she loves you."

I was quiet for a moment and my voice was small. "What if that is not enough?"

"It is enough."

"How do you know?"

"Because love is enough."

I stared at the snow and the words felt heavy and the weight pressed down on me.

"The witches are coming," I said. "The hunters are closing in. The war is coming. And I am supposed to protect everyone. I am supposed to protect her. I am supposed to be strong."

"You are strong."

"I do not feel strong."

"Feeling weak is not the same as being weak."

I looked at him and his eyes were steady and his voice was soft.

"The Frostfall Cup is in three weeks," I said. "And the team is not ready. They are scared and they are distracted and they are falling apart."

"Then you help them."

"How?"

"By being there. By leading. By showing them that they are not alone."

The afternoon passed and the light shifted and the shadows grew long.

We talked about the team and the Frostfall Cup and the upcoming games. We talked about the witches and the war and the council. We talked about everything and nothing and the weight eased and the fear faded. The torches burned low and the snow fell and the world was quiet.

"Thank you," I said.

"For what?"

"For listening. For being here. For not running away."

He clapped me on the shoulder and his voice was steady. The warmth of his hand seeped through my coat and the weight on my chest eased just a little.

"That is what seconds are for."

The evening came and the fire crackled and the candles flickered and the room was cold.

I sat in my quarters and the papers were spread across the desk and the strategies were written and the plays were drawn. The Frostfall Cup was in three weeks and the team was not ready. The witches were coming and the war was coming and the world was changing.

I pressed my hand to my chest and the curse pulsed beneath my skin and the fear settled in my heart.

The weight was still there and the fear was still there and the cold was still there.

But the resolve was there too.

The resolve to fight and the resolve to protect and the resolve to survive.