Chapter 17 — Step One, Don’t Panic

“You can calm down, son. I’m not going to touch the girl,” Forrest said, settling back into his chair.

I thought that Kier would hit him anyway, so I grabbed his arm. Immediately, Kier’s body started to relax, and he rocked back on his heels. He didn’t calm down enough to take a seat, though. Instead, he stood right in front of me with his arms crossed over his chest. I felt like I had a bodyguard. A very tall, bulky, angry bodyguard that wanted to punch something in the face.

Emerald let out a breath. “All right, then. You didn’t have to provoke anything. And even if you did, you could’ve warned me first.”

Forrest glanced at Emerald without looking apologetic. “I could have, but then you would’ve given it away. Let’s face it, Emerald, you aren’t the best liar out there. Why do you think I always pair you up with someone who is better?”

“Hey,” Emerald said.

Kier, who had finally settled enough to talk like a rational person, said, “You think I’m a good liar?”

Forrest shrugged and gestured to me. “You had her in your care for days, and we never suspected a thing. That’s not bad lying, son.” All the humor seemed to drain out of Forrest’s face as he stared at me. “I had to make sure that Emerald wasn’t jumping to conclusions on how you felt about this girl. I didn’t intend on upsetting you.”

“Two birds,” Kier grumbled. He shifted around until he stood behind me, and I felt dwarfed. Between him and Emerald, the room had lost breathing space, and it took all my willpower not to squirm. I put my hands in my lap, and clutched them together, until I felt my nails biting in.

Forrest stared at me some more, and I kept myself still. It took a lot of patience and power, but I managed to do it.

Kier growled low in his throat.

Emerald said, “We need to move this along, before Kier actively tries to rip your head off.”

“I need to figure out what to do with you,” Forrest said.

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“I don’t know, yet. Part of me is tempted to tell Kier that he made a mistake and send you off. Not because you’re human, but because of what the other humans will think of this. It might be better for you.”

Kier shifted around.

“No offense, but is that for you to decide?” I asked.

“Excuse me?” Forrest asked, clearly surprised and ready to argue with me. “I think the safety of all my people is for me to decide, and some teenaged girl isn’t going to change that.”

“Fair enough, but you don’t get to decide about me.” Apparently, the last few days had shot my patience to zero, and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut anymore. “I’m really sick of all of you.”

“What?”

“Every single person that I’ve met outside of Kier’s household? I’m sick of you. None of you bother to look at me, or wonder who I am. You just see a human and think that means you know everything that’s going on, and what’s going through my head, and no offense, but fuck you. Fuck all of you and shut up.”

Forrest looked surprised.

“I’m not going through this whole spiel a second time, so instead, I’ll lay this out for you as simply as I can. Whatever problems you have with my kind? Whatever prejudices, or worries, or anything that you can think of? Get over it. I’m not like the others that you’ve met. I don’t care about your beef with humans, I don’t give a damn about how difficult this will be for you, because shit gets tough. Get over it. I’m done with having every person that I turn to for help accuse me of lying just because I’m not crawling across the floor, covered in blood and bruises.”

The tightness in my chest loosened when I finished talking, and I could sit back in my chair. All the things that I wanted to scream at people had finally been unleashed. Just at the worst possible time. My heart started to thud, as I became convinced that this man would toss me out on my ass.

Forrest leaned back in his chair and scratched the side of his head.

Emerald cleared his throat. “I’d like to point out that after I talked with you for a little while, I knew that Brook had been lying to me. So, I’m not like all these other assholes.”

“Shut up,” Kier said.

“See?” Emerald gestured to Kier.

Despite myself, a small smile tugged on the corners of my lips, and I looked down at my knees. I didn’t laugh. Just because my nerves had been shot, didn’t mean I’d lost my damn mind. It got tiring, listening to people tell me why I had lied, when I’d been telling the truth. I wanted it to stop. This entire thing… I wanted to wake up and know that I had a home.

“You’re right,” Forrest said, rubbing the back of his head. “I’m sorry.”

I blinked. “Thank you.”

Kier’s hand hovered behind my chair, and I had to resist the urge to lean back against it. To feel his skin against me, even through a shirt, would’ve been nice, but I felt like it would make me look weak. Needing his touch and his presence. I faced a man that could easily destroy me, so I had to be careful.

“I’m not trying to make excuses, but this is going to cause me a shit ton of work,” Forrest explained. “Starting with making sure no one kills you while you’re out and about.”

He turned his computer around so that everyone in the room could see it and started to type something. After he signed in, and he showed me a picture of a necklace looking thing. It had a pendant on the end that looked like something one would find in a jewelry store for a cheesy gift. Heart shaped, and with one half filled in with red, while the other remained empty. I couldn’t tell what kind of material filled in the red, but it had been designed to look like rubies.

“This is what other humans that Nightmares have taken in wear. It’s a safety marker, so that they don’t get attacked. I’ll have to order one, and you can never leave the house without it. Understand?”

I nodded.

“It’ll be rushed to me, so we should have it by tomorrow night,” Forrest continued, turning the computer back around. He clicked some things, typed a few more, and then pushed his keyboard aside. When he looked at me, his expression became completely serious. “This is the part of the conversation that you’re not going to like.”

“Okay,” I said, while Kier leaned down, his shadow covering me.

“You’re a minor,” Forrest said. “By human law, anyway. Nightmare law is more flexible about things like that. Your father was abusive and tried to kill you, so as far as we’re concerned, you can live on your own. With Kier, with twelve other people, we don’t care. But you aren’t a Nightmare.”

“No,” I said.

“And you’re living not too far from where your father is, and your face has been plastered all over the news,” Forrest continued. The tension came back into the room, crushing me. Emerald took the seat next to mine, resting his elbows on his knees. Even Kier shifted around on his feet. I could see his expression in that picture again, and it looked unhappy.

I tried to tell my heart to calm down. “So, what do we do?”

“Someone will see you, eventually,” Forrest started. “And it looks like the human police want you in relation to a woman being beaten up.”

“She attacked Whilda,” Kier said. “Whilda defended herself.”

The words simplified the occurrence, but I didn’t have to the guts to admit that. What if me attacking that woman ended up being the nail in my coffin? I imagined Kier having to go back to his house, by himself, and tell Amber everything that happened in this room, and it felt awful.

“That’s fair,” Forrest agreed, nodding to Kier. “It just makes our lives a little harder, because the police want to find you. Not only to return you to your father, but to arrest you. We have to contact them. Not because I’m handing you over, but because they need to be informed that you’re in our system now, and they can’t touch you.”

“You can do that?” I asked, trying not to sound too wide eyed and surprised. I failed, sadly.

Forrest nodded. “They can’t touch you the second you enter our system. They could attempt to extradite you into the human system, like they would with someone that fled to Mexico, but we’ve never worked with them on that. Usually, when we’ve taken someone into our system, they belong to us. They have the same policy for Nightmares that want to live in the human world. We never try to extradite them, because if they would rather live by those rules, then we let them.”

“How does it work?” I asked.

Forrest walked around his desk, and we all watched him go to a filing cabinet. He went through it, and produced a blue tinted piece of paper, and brought it over to us. I read over the form, and it all looked so simple. If I signed that form, and so did Forrest and Emerald—as the two law enforcers in the room—then I’d no longer be part of the human system. They would’ve removed me as neatly as if I had been a puppy plucked from a pen and taken home.

My fingers touched the edge of the paper, and I thought of all the worry that Kier and I had been through. All those seconds, wondering how this would work, how that would work. How any of it would work. And now I stared down at a simple piece of paper that would free me.

“What about being a minor?” I asked.

“That would give the humans some pull, if they wanted to get you back, but again, we’ve never handed someone over to them,” Forrest said. “And in our system, you aren’t a minor. You would be helping Kier raise his family, if you chose to stay with him. You would be the second oldest adult in that household.”

My stomach flipped at the possibilities stretching before me, but my head… my thoughts went back to one thing. That moment where I had been standing on the street, and I looked up to see my father’s car. That brief second where I had seen his eyes, and how empty they looked. It filled my mind and told me how alone I’d always been. Even when I sat next to my father, or in the middle of a cafeteria filled with other students, I’d been alone.

And this paper could fix that. It could make me not alone.

“I have to warn you, that if you sign that paper, then you can’t go back. The second you tried returning to the human world, they would arrest you. Maybe even worse. And if you stay here, you could be in for a lot of trouble. I’ve worked in this job for almost thirty years, and I’ve never once had to pull out one of these papers. I’ve never done this before. Humans don’t often venture into our world.

“You’ll be leaving everything that you know, and it will cause problems. Your life won’t be perfect.”

I wouldn’t have thought so.

My eyes turned to Kier, who still stood behind me. He had his hands dangling loose at his sides. Instead of looking useless, they seemed prepared. Ready to defend me if it came down to it. His face had gone stony, and I wondered if he didn’t want to reveal his expression or influence my decision in any way.

I exhaled and asked the only question that I could think of. “I’ll be able to finish school, get a job, and do all that kind of stuff, right?”

“Yes,” Forrest said. “If you want to.”

“Where’s a pen?” I asked.

Forrest leaned over and plucked one off his mess of a desk. He passed the thing to me, and I used the barest edge of the desk to sign my name. Then I handed the paper back to Forrest, who also signed it, followed by Emerald. After that, I watched as Kier’s superior officer went around the room. He scanned the document, came back to his desk, and started to type.

About five minutes later, he looked up at me. “I’ve sent the document off to the next up in line. From what I know, this process doesn’t take long. We aren’t like the human government, which takes its time with everything. By this time next week, you’ll be a member of our government. You’ll get an ID with your name on it, but only your first name. We don’t do last names. And then that’s it. You’ll be part of our world. First, though, I have to send an email to him.” Forrest gestured out the window, to the station across the street. Though no one sat in the office, I knew what he meant. His human equivalent.

“How do you think they’ll react?” Kier asked, speaking for the first time in what felt like forever. His words came out cold and ready, much like his stance had been. Prepared to protect me.

“I’m not certain,” Forrest said. “But if I had to guess… If I had to guess, I’d say that we’re about to deal with some shit, and it’s not going to be pretty.”

“I’m sorry,” I said.

Forrest gave me a sympathetic look and shook his head. “Don’t be. You did your best to survive, and that’s all that matters.”

Maybe to them, but not to me. I could feel the crushing guilt that came with the knowledge that they would fight for me. I hadn’t earned such loyalty, certainly not this quickly. I didn’t like the thought that they would suffer because I hadn’t been able to stick it out with my father. Yes, he had been a cruel man to me, but I’d lived long enough with him. What had changed in the last couple of months that I couldn’t take it anymore? How had I become weaker?

Kier touched my shoulder again, and it calmed some of the thoughts. Not the guilt, but the worst thoughts.

Forrest rubbed the back of his neck, and said, “You two can head back home. Kier, you’re off for today and tomorrow. Just get Whilda settled into the house and wait for me to call back.”

“Are you sure?” Kier asked.

“Yes,” Forrest said, rising up. “I’ve got an email to figure out, so I’m going to need some coffee.” He continued to grumble as he walked out of the room, leaving me with Kier and Emerald.

Emerald relaxed, and not until then did I realized he’d been tense. “I’m going to head home and change, as well. If you need anything, then just call me. Understand?”

“Got it,” Kier said.

Emerald walked out, leaving me alone with Kier. I turned around and didn’t get the chance to even look at him. Kier’s arms came around me and lifted me off the ground. I put my arms about his neck and held on for dear life. My heart screamed that if I let go, then I’d be an idiot.

In that moment, I didn’t overthink about having to let him touch me. I didn’t worry about how I acted, or what he thought. I accepted the way he held me, and how intense his relief came through the grip of his arms. And I held on.

***

That morning, after having the kids celebrate my getting to stay with four hours of videogames and junk food, I laid down on the couch to sleep. Kier insisted that we’d figure out where to put me before too long. I told him that I didn’t mind the air mattress or the couch, but he had given me a look that clearly told me to shut up.

Sleep wouldn’t come. I felt exhausted and wired at the same time.

I climbed out of my makeshift bed and wandered over to the window by the front door. I lifted the curtain only about an inch and stared out at the daylight. It had been so long since I’d seen it, that I went light blind for a second. When everything focused again, I stared at the neighborhood that I’d be getting familiar with. Kier told me that the kids on this street went to the same school that I did. They had different teachers and principals, but the same building. I’d be going there within a week myself.

The houses across the way looked normal, except for the large gates that kept them safe from Nightmares. All the houses on this side of the street, they forwent the gates. Because each of these houses contained the things that the other houses wanted protection from.

I watched as people left those houses, headed out to eat with their family, or to go grocery shopping. The kind of things that people did every Sunday. Some of them returned from church, while others didn’t bother. I watched them walking their dogs, and they looked so sure of themselves. So secure.

Like daylight had turned into this blanket of safety, and they never had to worry about getting attacked or hurt. In reality, the only thing keeping the Nightmares in their houses was a sense of decency. I didn’t even think most of them would attack a human, unless seriously provoked.

But I still stood there, watching them in their foolish comfort. I wouldn’t ever see them again, in all likelihood. I wished each of those people a farewell. The ones that I didn’t know and never would. The ones who I thought looked stupid and the ones who had so much confidence, one couldn’t help feeling envious. I wished each of them a farewell, because I’d almost never see the sunlight after this.

I wished daylight a goodbye, letting it know that it had failed me. The moon had more to offer. But, most importantly, I let go of the life that had hurt so much. The mother that had died tragically, because she hadn’t paid attention when she should have. The father that wanted nothing more than to hurt me. The school that failed me, and the room that comforted me. The only thing that I would be taking with me were the books. They sat on Kier’s shelf now, because he insisted.

They offered me the same protection that they always had. Protection from having to exist in a world that hurt too much.

I dropped the curtain, and stepped back, blinking in the darkness. It felt strange, to know that I had actually gotten something that I wanted. This house, and the people upstairs. The knowledge that nothing would touch me without Kier ripping it to shreds.

I wandered back over to the couch and laid down again. For about four minutes. Then, I started making my way up the stairs, trying not to step on every squeaky spot. I failed in that. Stairs made noise, and they always made the most noise when you least wanted them to.

When I reached Kier’s room, I slipped into the complete darkness. He had curtains so thick and long, that sunlight didn’t dare try getting into his room.

He laid in his bed, a huge lump that snored. I smiled upon hearing it and started to make my way over to him. I’d never seen a bed as big as his. Not only did it look king sized, but they’d made it longer, too, for his height. Kier’s dark head stuck out of the blankets, resting on the pillow.

I nudged his shoulder, and then scooted back.

He woke up immediately, shooting to a sitting position as if someone had tried to break into the house. I couldn’t see much, but I watched him turn toward me. A second later, the lamp came on, making me blink in the sudden brightness. “Whilda? Is everything all right?” Kier asked, sounding muzzy and tired. I thought it adorable and felt flutters running through my stomach.

“I’m fine,” I said, and for once, I spoke the truth. I didn’t have anything to hide, because Kier would never have hurt me. “I just wanted to… Can I sleep in here?”

Kier rubbed his face and looked around the room. “Sure,” he said. “You want the bed?”

Instead of answering him, I went around to the other side of the bed and slid under the covers. If I thought about it too much, my sudden bravery would disappear. This scared me, stupidly. Kier would probably be so happy to see me in his bed, he would do nothing but smile.

“This is fine,” I said.

“Are you sure?” Kier asked.

I nodded.

He shut off the light and settled into the blankets next to me. I felt him shift, so that he could lay on his back. He probably didn’t want to bother me.

“Can we take it slow?” I asked.

“Take what slow?” Kier’s voice still sounded sleepy, and it sent even more butterflies through my belly. I’d never had to talk to someone like this, and I certainly hadn’t been in bed with a boy before. Even just to sleep.

I wove my fingers together and bit my lower lip. “Us. This. Whatever it is. I’d…like to take it slow.”

“You’re in my bed,” Kier pointed out.

“Other than this, then. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a complete mess, and can’t even figure out why I’m crying most of the time. So, yeah… slow sounds like a good idea to me. If you’re all right with that.”

Kier turned so that he could look at me. “You’re not a mess.”

“I beg to differ,” I said. “How many times have you seen me start sobbing?”

“That doesn’t mean you’re a mess. You had good reason, each time.” His voice got gruffer as he spoke, telling me that he didn’t want to hear me say those things about myself.

My cheeks heated in stupid pleasure. I hadn’t been seeking the comfort but liked it anyway.

“And if you want to do nothing but this for the next four years, then we can,” Kier said. “It’s completely up to you.”

I rolled over, so that I could face him as well. “I don’t want to do that. It would drive us both crazy. But this is nice. I’d like to keep doing this for right now. Tomorrow will be different.”

Kier brushed some hair out of my face, and feeling his hand sent my heart into overdrive. The darkness acted as a kind of security, but I knew down to my bones who laid in bed with me. Every time Kier touched me, my heart soared even as my instincts told me to pull away and hide. “That’s absolutely fine,” Kier said, putting his arm around me again.

I pulled his comforter up to my shoulder and nestled in against his chest. The warmth rocketed through me, but I melted into it, enjoying every second. Maybe tomorrow, I’d get brave again, and kiss him. Maybe I’d be a coward and hide from him all day. But at least I’d be in the house to choose my next move.