Chapter 16 — Frozen No More

I couldn’t stay in the bathroom forever, and no matter how my chest constricted, I had to tell Kier something. When I tried to decide, my brain would go into overdrive, explaining all the reasons why this or that thing didn’t work.

“Are you okay?” Kier asked.

“No,” I said.

“Can you open the door?”

I looked at the knob and tried to will myself over to it. Kier wouldn’t be anything but the perfect gentleman, so I shouldn’t have panicked like this. Honestly, I shouldn’t have panicked at all. Kier essentially told me that I had all the power in this situation. I didn’t know what to do with it, because my head scrambled all over the place, trying to figure out the best course, even if my gut already knew what to do.

“I don’t think I can,” I said.

“That’s fine,” Kier told me. “You stay in there for as long as you like.”

For as long as you feel safe, he meant. Because Kier had figured me out pretty quickly. I didn’t feel safe anywhere. Even my bedroom back at home, the space I hid in, hadn’t felt safe. My father could barge into the room at any second. I wanted… I wanted to be downstairs, in the kitchen. Things always felt all right there. Even after Emerald broke into the house, I didn’t feel trapped in the kitchen. This bathroom felt safe, just because the only person I had to see was myself.

I didn’t like doing that, because the girl in the mirror looked pathetic. With the tearstains on my cheeks and the bit of red in my eyes, I looked pathetic. The unkempt blue hair and oversized clothing didn’t help in the least.

“What were your parents like?” I asked. “With each other, I mean?”

Kier sighed and shifted against the door. “They were perfect for each other. They just shouldn’t have become parents. I think they did it because it seemed like the thing to do. When you’re together for a certain number of years, it just seems appropriate, ya know? Especially in our culture, where children are so important. Mom never really acknowledged us. She would come home, get something to eat, and go right up to her room. Nothing less, nothing more. Then with Dad, he’d ask if we had gotten something to eat, and then he’d do the same thing. He only got bad when one of us did something wrong at school and he got a call. He hated getting interrupted at work.

“With each other, though, they were completely different. They would smile and flirt. They’d bump hips and laugh about jokes that I didn’t understand. Of all the things wrong with my parents, their relationship was never one of them.

“They’d go on dates, and they’d call each other all the time. It was actually kind of annoying. I’d see that they were more than capable of loving something. They could even take joy in it. But they weren’t capable of loving us or caring about us. That’s the part that bothered me. We didn’t matter, as long as they got to spend time with each other.”

I sighed. “I don’t have any memories of my parents together. My mother wouldn’t talk with Dad. Not if she could help it. When she had to drop me off for his weekends, she’d open the car door, and watch me walk up to the house. But she wouldn’t take me in.”

I stood up from the floor, and approached the mirror, staring at the pathetic girl. She had my mother’s face. The cheekbones, the nose, the chin. So much of it belonged to my mother. The blond roots that showed through blue hair and the blue eyes, those came from my father. The paler skin, though still tan, came from him as well.

Nothing can fix this, I thought, pushing blue hair over my shoulder. Nothing could fix the world right then. Nothing could fix… me. Not with the way that I lived, or the things that I thought and did.

“I hated my father before he started hurting me,” I said. “Because of the things that my mother would tell me. She’d say things, and though I wouldn’t understand most of them, I’d get angry on her behalf. My dad would do the same thing. I’d be sitting on the couch with him, eating dinner or watching television, and my father would go on and on about the horrible things my mother had said or done. He’d call her names, and he’d say that she would get what she deserved one day.”

“So will he,” Kier growled.

A small smile lifted the corners of my mouth. Not because of the violence. That gave me a stomachache. No, the protective way he spoke, and how it hit me right in the chest… that made me smile. I’d never had someone who wanted to make sure I got out of it alive. I wanted to thank him for that but knew the words would sound stupid. Or they would just make him sad.

“I’ve never seen two people who hated each other more,” I said. “My mother tried to save me from that, but she couldn’t. People aren’t willing to believe someone like her. Not when the person they’re accusing is someone like my dad. A man who has his shit together and a job, compared to my mother who ran off in the middle of the night… No one would believe her, but she tried so hard.”

“You know my opinion on how your kind handled this.”

I did know, and it shouldn’t have given me warm and fuzzy feelings to think Kier would’ve punished my father.

My mind went back to the kitchen, to when we had come so close to touching. I felt like I harped on it, because nothing happened. Nothing significant, at any rate. Yet I kept thinking about it, as if something could’ve happened.

Breathing out, I looked back to the door, to the shadow under it. Kier. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Kier asked.

“For being such a mess. I know that you didn’t want to deal with this kind of thing last week, and you probably don’t want to now. You’re just obligated to, because I won’t go away.”

“Shut up,” Kier said.

I actually laughed. “Excuse me?”

“I’m not upset with you. This isn’t your fault, so shut up.”

My eyes went back to the mirror. I tried to remember the number of times that Kier had said that to me. That I didn’t do anything wrong, that I shouldn’t take the blame for something. I couldn’t begin to calculate that kind of number. “What if something is my fault one day?” I asked. “And we both know it.”

“Then I’ll tell you,” Kier said.

“Promise?”

A small pause from the other side of the door. “Of course.”

I didn’t have to blame myself for everything, but I did. Maybe because my father always thrust the blame on someone else, and he found me an easy target. Maybe because I had low self-esteem. Maybe because I didn’t know how to live any other kind of life.

I just knew that Kier wouldn’t let me take the blame. If he could promise me that he wouldn’t act as if I never did anything wrong, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

“I don’t want to leave this house,” I said.

“I’d like you to stay, too.”

“But I don’t really know you, and I am human. I know that you think very little of humans, but we’re wired differently.”

“I’m fine with that, and while I don’t like human society, you are different,” Kier said. “And I’ll try to pull back on insulting them, if it makes you uncomfortable.”

He would still think the bad things, but honestly, I found it hard to argue with him. Not when so many of our laws had screwed me over. I should’ve been safe in a shelter or a foster home. Not worried about my father coming to find me or scared out of my mind at the possibility of getting what I wanted.

“It’s fine,” I said. “But I want you to know that I need to know you more. Better.”

“Again, that’s fine. That’s reasonable,” Kier said.

I started toward the door, my stomach all twisted around. “So, I’m not going to answer you right now.”

“I told you that you didn’t have to,” Kier responded.

But I felt like I did. Some part of me assumed that Kier wouldn’t put up with me otherwise. When I reached the door, I set my hands against it, and breathed out. “But I’d like to stay.”

“I’d like that too,” Kier said.

I unlocked the door. When I pulled it open, Kier stood on the other side, having jumped up. His eyes examined me, looking for any damage that I might’ve taken. My cheeks burned hot, knowing that he worried because I freaked out needlessly. Instead of letting him continue to examine me, I stepped out of the bathroom, and did something daring for the second time that night.

I hugged Kier.

***

The siren had gone off while we panicked. Emerald got to sleep in the basement, on the air mattress, while Brook bunked with Clementine. It turned out that the twelve-year-old had bunk beds. She claimed the top and told Brook that she could live with the bottom bunk.

That just left me. Kier offered me his bed, but I refused, choosing the couch. He gave me four pillows, which I didn’t know what to do with, and a comforter so fluffy that it warmed me down to my toes. I’d had such a long day, with so many different things happening, I passed out immediately.

I woke up to Amber jumping on me. She screamed something that I didn’t catch right before landing on my body. All the breath left me, but I managed to get my arms around her.

“Morning!” Amber cheered.

“Good morning,” I said, trying not to wheeze.

She crawled under the comforter with me, not asking my permission. “What are you doing?”

“I was sleeping,” I said.

“But why were you sleeping on the couch? You should have slept in my bed! Mr. Snuffgins woulda protected you.” She showed me what looked like a unicorn toy. Or… what used to be a unicorn toy. It had seen better days. I took the thing from her, turning it over and over in my hands.

“How would he have done that?” I asked.

“His horn,” Amber said, rolling her eyes. “He can stab people with his horn.”

“Oh. Clever unicorn, then.”

Amber started to climb out from under the blanket. “Why else would he have a horn?” she asked. I laughed while she started wandering toward the stairs. “I have to wake up Kier. He’s s’posed to make me toast.”

I kicked the blankets off me and went in search of my freshly washed clothing. I had gotten sick of seeing the same t-shirt and jeans over and over again, but I didn’t have anything else. I changed in the downstairs bathroom, brushed my teeth with the spare toothbrush that Kier had given me, and then stared at my hair. It looked like a lost cause, but I tried to finger comb it anyway. No one in the house had a spare brush, and I didn’t want to use the girls’. Mostly because I didn’t want to put them out, but also because they had thinner hair than me. I’d break their brushes.

When I came back out of the bathroom, Kier had appeared, fully dressed, and with Amber hanging off his hand. She dangled above the ground, her feet not touching anything. “Please?” Amber begged.

“What does she want?” I asked.

Kier glanced over at me. “She wants me to put frosting on her toast.”

I tried not to gag.

Kier laughed, taking the girl into the kitchen. He set her down and came back out. “Everyone else will feed themselves, but I promised her that I’d make toast. I have to talk with Emerald about what we’re doing today. I normally go train for eight hours on Saturday and Sunday, but…”

He didn’t have to say anything else. With me there, his entire schedule had been thrown in the toilet, and he needed to figure out what to do.

“Okay. I’ll take care of Amber, and you can talk with Emerald.”

“Are you sure?” Kier asked.

I nodded, and shooed him toward the basement, where I could hear someone snoring so loudly, I wondered if they still managed to get air into their lungs. I started getting the toast ready, but as I moved around the kitchen, Clementine showed up. I didn’t want to leave her out, so I grabbed more bread.

Then Aiden came downstairs, and I needed to get more bread.

After ten minutes, everyone had appeared, and normal toast became French toast and bacon. I didn’t even understand how that happened, but the kids all sat around the table, staring at my back. I felt like a lizard with four cats waiting to pounce on me. Plus, one lion, because Brook came downstairs as well. She gave me a scathing look, which I ignored, and dipped more bread into my milk, egg, and spices mixture. It would taste amazing.

I used two loaves of bread to feed everyone and felt accomplished by the time we finished.

Kier, who had a heaping plate himself, ushered the kids off after breakfast, and sat down at the table. Emerald sat next to him, and I felt like he did that on purpose. It left Brook at the counter, by herself. She had taken two bites of her food before complaining that I hadn’t let the bread soak enough and getting a bowl of cereal. I tried my hardest not to get offended.

“What’s the plan?” I asked.

Kier finished his bacon and leaned back in his chair. “First things first, Brook is going to head back to her place, and leave the kids alone.”

“Excuse me?” Brook asked.

“Until I get this settled, I don’t want you around the kids.”

“Why not?” she demanded.

He looked pointedly at her bowl. “I’m not going to have you playing these stupid power games around them. It’ll confuse Aiden and Amber, and it’ll upset Clementine. They all like Whilda, and I won’t sit around while you try to poison them to her.”

Brook sniffed. “You just assume that I would do something like that?”

“I think you would,” Emerald said, looking at her. “No offense or anything, but we all know that you aren’t a fan.”

I stared down at my plate and tried not to squirm. I told myself a dozen times that I hadn’t done anything wrong, and that I didn’t break this family. The kids would still have their aunt. They just wouldn’t have her without supervised visits. She did that herself, and nothing I said would’ve changed it.

Eventually, I’d start to believe it.

“Fine,” Brook said, sliding off her stool. “You don’t want me around, then I’ll leave. Have fun trying to fix this mess.” She stormed out of the house, her feet slamming against the ground with each step. When the door crashed shut, I winced, and Kier rubbed my shoulder.

Emerald waited a heartbeat before shaking his head, “Anyway, I don’t want to waste time on this, Whilda. The longer you’re here, the more dangerous it becomes for you. It’d only take one neighbor noticing you before shit hit the fan. So, I think it’s best that you come with Kier and me down to the station.”

My heart shot into my throat. “What?” I asked, my voice squeaking.

Kier shifted, getting my attention. “Nothing bad will happen there. I won’t let it. We just need to get everyone in the Authority aware of your existence. Once we’ve done that, then we’ll be able to move forward with the next step.”

“What if they get furious and try to kill me?” I asked.

“I won’t let them,” Kier growled, low in his throat. The sound sent shivers running through my stomach, and it really shouldn’t have. I shifted around and tried to keep the embarrassment off my face.

Emerald cleared his throat. “I’m sure there will be some that have a problem with you. That’s just the nature of the beast. Between Kier and I, though, we’ll be able to keep any of them from hurting you. I promise that I won’t let anything touch you.” He put his hand on my arm.

Kier growled out a warning.

“Sorry,” Emerald whispered.

I thought about stirring the pot and saying something about how they didn’t get to decide who touched me or not. But I remembered what Kier had said, about fights at his school, and decided not to. I didn’t want to watch him get driven away in an ambulance. I’d for sure get myself killed then.

“Are you warning them first?” I asked, picturing walking into the station without any of the Nightmares there knowing. They would try to kill me, surely.

“No,” Emerald said. “I don’t want our chief to draw his own conclusions about what’s happening here. I think it’s best if we just bring you in. Don’t worry, though. They won’t hurt you. I promise.”

My stomach twisted around. He could’ve told me a thousand reasons why they wouldn’t hurt me, and I’d just picture getting shot. Or stabbed. Or however Nightmares preferred to kill.

We left shortly after that. Kier wanted to do the dishes first, but we didn’t have time for it. Emerald took his car, which had been sitting down the street all day. I bet the neighbors just loved that. Kier and I took his SUV, which I really started to hate. Every time I got in the thing, it seemed like he took me somewhere I didn’t want to be. As we drove, I focused all my attention on the music playing. I figured nothing else would keep me sane while we turned down streets and stopped at lights.

Nightmares had separate police stations from humans. Since sometimes they had to hold someone overnight, it had to be that way. The Nightmare Authority’s station sat right next to the police station. They looked almost identical, because they had been designed by the same people. The biggest difference came from size. The human station had about twenty-five percent more space than the Nightmare one. And the buildings had different signs on the front.

The police station had closed down for the night. The lights inside still shined, because someone had to man the desk at all hours, for the prisoners. They also had two vehicles that could leave the station in case of an emergency. Much like paramedics. They had a special emblem on them, letting people know that they could drive during the wrong time of day.

We pulled up out front and Kier turned his SUV off. “Ready?”

Not even a little. “Sure.”

We got out of the car together, and Emerald jogged over. He rubbed his head, making his hair go crazy. “Let’s head in through the back. It’ll cause less of a stir that way.”

“Agreed,” Kier said. He turned to me and offered his hand. My stomach had twisted around in knots and nerves, so I didn’t have a chance to think about how uncomfortable I’d be touching someone else. I put my hand in his, and the two of us started around the station.

The cars for the Nightmares looked similar to police cars, but they didn’t have the lights on them. I found that interesting but didn’t get to ask questions before we turned a corner.

Emerald produced a key and opened the backdoor for us. Everything had been brightly lit inside, blinding me immediately. My heart tripped as we stepped over the threshold, and into the station.

I could hear people talking. Some of them joked around, and some spoke seriously about this or that thing. As we walked down a brightly lit hallway filled with doors, my hand tightened around Kier’s. My nails dug into his skin, and I hoped that I didn’t break it. I couldn’t seem to loosen my grip.

Emerald opened a door, and stuck his head in. “Coast is clear,” he said. “Head in here, and I’ll be right back.”

Kier tugged me into an office and closed the door behind us. The office didn’t feel very big. It had a desk that took up most of the space, plus an old office chair that had cracks in the leather. The desk had been filled with junk. Papers, pens, wrappers, cups. I could barely see the pictures that hung out with all the crap.

Two plastic chairs sat on the other side of the desk and Kier brought me over to one. I sat down, curling my hands up in my lap.

The walls had been painted blue, but they looked crowded with different diplomas and pictures and awards. The entire space only had one small window, barely big enough for a person to crawl through. It had a perfect view of the police station, right into an office that looked almost identical to this one. Only much cleaner. I didn’t see a man sitting at that desk but could picture one easily.

I wondered if he ever looked over and wondered what his counterpart did every day. If they had similar jobs, or if the human just didn’t care. I suspected the latter, for some reason. Humans had gotten used to pretending Nightmares didn’t exist. As long as we stayed behind our safe fences, then they couldn’t touch us.

The door opened again, and Emerald stepped inside. Behind him, another man came in. This man looked even bigger than Kier. He had to stand at almost seven feet tall. He had dark skin, curly black hair, and deep brown eyes that took me in with no empathy. I didn’t squirm under that stare, because I felt pinned to my chair. I sat perfectly still while he examined me.

The man walked around his desk and took a seat. The chair groaned but didn’t break.

Kier and Emerald both stayed standing while I remained in my seat. I couldn’t move. Not with this man watching me. Any movement felt like it would result in me dying.

Emerald cleared his throat. “Whilda, this is our chief and commander, Forrest. Forrest, this is Whilda. The human.”

The man’s stare seemed to pierce right through me.

Kier growled low in his throat when Forrest didn’t look away from me. That got his commander’s attention, because he lifted his gaze. “Are you threatening me?” Forrest asked.

Kier leaned against the back of my chair. I felt his hands gripping it and could hear the plastic protesting against the pressure. Kier didn’t say anything, but I could see a reflection of his face in one of the pictures. He didn’t need to say anything. If Forrest made a single move toward me, this entire office would come falling down.

Emerald cleared his throat. “As you can see, I wasn’t exaggerating when I said that we had a situation.”

Forrest rose up from his seat, and leaned over the desk, getting closer to me. Kier responded by yanking my chair back, nearly sending me flying, and getting between me and Forrest. Emerald helped me out of the chair and stood as another barrier between me and danger.

The hostility drained from the room as Forrest smiled and rocked back on his heels. “All right. I believe you now.”

“Thank fuck,” Emerald said.

Forrest looked over at me. “We’ve still got some things to work out though.”