Chapter 158 I won't do it

Chapter 158 I won't do it
Violet,

After handling Xavier's treatment, I headed back home. Guilt consumed me, pressing heavy against my chest. I shouldn't have called him that. The image of his face replayed in my mind again and again. Just thinking that he would go berserk over jealousy made my stomach twist. I couldn't stop myself from thinking that I was losing the man who grew up believing that he would never commit a crime.

Almost beating myself up, I entered the house. My steps slowed as soon as I crossed the doorway. Julia, Erica, and two housekeepers were in the living room, their chatter dying the moment they noticed me.

" Did Knox come back?" I asked, my voice low, barely steady.

Julia turned and pointed toward his bedroom. " You are back, Boss." Her eyes flicked toward the hallway before returning to me.

" Yeah." I tossed my bag onto the couch without looking and headed straight toward his bedroom.

" Knox! Are you in?" I asked, my voice shaking despite my effort to control it. " Let's talk, okay?"

I couldn't even knock. The door opened abruptly. Knox stood before me, jaw clenched, face hardened, eyes dark and unreadable. His shoulders were stiff, as if he had been bracing himself.

" Listen... I am sorry for what I said earlier and -!"

My eyes widened when he suddenly grabbed my wrist and pulled me inside the room. My breath caught as I stumbled forward. With a sharp click, he closed the door behind us and turned to face me, his grip firm but trembling.

" What... what are you doing, Knox?" I asked, my breath hitching as my pulse raced.

He clenched his jaw and looked straight into my eyes, searching. " Do you hate me?"

" What? No!" I narrowed my eyes, startled, my head shaking instinctively.

" Do you like that guy?" His voice dropped, tight and strained.

" Hell, no. He is my sister's boyfriend!" I answered immediately.

His eyes widened for a brief second before getting serious again. Relief flashed across his face for a fraction of a moment before he masked it. " Do you hate me because I am a criminal now? The exact opposite of the old Knox you loved?"

" Listen, I messed up when I called you that." I swallowed, my voice softening. " But no, I never hated you. Not even for a single moment!"

" Are you sure?" he whispered. His shoulders loosened slightly, as if some weight had shifted.

" Do you think I would have gone that far to bring you back if I didn't love you?" My hand trembled as I spoke, my chest tightening.

" I know..." he whispered, stepping closer. " And... one thing I realized that time..."

His hands reached for mine, warm and cautious, hesitating for a second before holding on. " When you were with that guy..."

" What are you talking about?" I asked as his voice grew softer, slower.

" I was standing with that woman... Sarah Smith. She was saying that you stole her child." His jaw tightened. " She was saying things I didn't care about when I saw you with him." His breath grew uneven. " I felt my head getting heavier, my heart racing when I noticed him touching your shoulders. When I saw him smiling, looking at you as if you were his world, I thought my brain would explode."

" Knox?" My breath hitched, my chest rising sharply.

" I didn't know why." His voice cracked slightly. " At that time, all I felt was that if I acted like a bastard, if I kept denying the fact that I was trying to run away from the truth, just to doubt everything, I might lose the only woman who made me give up on the life I wanted so badly." He gently rubbed the back of my neck, his thumb trembling as he met my eyes.

" I don't know what kind of lover I was previously, but right now, I think I will die if you really keep me as your friend while trying to be with another man!"

" He is not -!" I started.

" I had a love at first sight, Violet," he cut in. " I had a love at first sight when she looked straight into my eyes through that frosted glass wall, when I was pointing the sniper at her!"

My heart skipped violently. " Knox!"

" Yes." His voice wavered. " I don't know how to act like the old Knox. Yes, I can't be the one you wanted me to be." He exhaled shakily. " But I do like you, as the mafia monster you hate. So can you still accept my love?"

I stared at him, tears streaming down my face before I could stop them. My lips trembled as I lowered my gaze, shaking my head slowly. " Are you lying? Or in survival mode? Or is this some coping mechanism to help yourself out of the dilemma -!"

" Everything..." he murmured. " Think whatever you want." His voice dropped, exhausted. " Just right now, I think I would rather stay under some influence." He swallowed hard. " I hated that feeling. Seeing you with someone else." His arms slackened around me. " It felt out of control. As if my body wasn't mine anymore. I don't know..."

He rested his head against my shoulder, his weight heavy and unguarded. " I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I feel like I failed. I think I don't deserve anything. I -!"

" Hey. Hey." I cupped his face, forcing him to look at me. My thumbs brushed his cheeks gently. " I understand. Okay? You don't need to worry about it." I swallowed my tears. " I never stopped loving you. Never. I will never." I smiled reassuringly. " I am here. I will always be here until you need me, okay?"

He trembled slightly as I continued. " Yes, I know you are unable to process the sudden changes. You are scared of what's coming next. But -!"

" You aren't alone, Knox." I pressed my lips softly against his and whispered, " Trust me." I rested my forehead against his. " I don't want you to beat yourself up. You are stronger than you know, Knox."

" But I killed people. I am a murderer!" His voice cracked.

" No. You aren't!" I said firmly. " Killing criminals... there are many people who work with the government to eliminate the most unwanted criminals because no laws can keep them in custody." I met his eyes. " Whoever you killed during your missions, the government was satisfied with it. They were more than happy."

" How do you know?" His brows knit together. " I was ready to kill you. I don't know who was innocent there!"

" Nobody!" I smiled gently. " I have all the details and information about the people you had to kill, Knox. They were criminals." I squeezed his hands. " Your grandpa wanted to get rid of them to get to the top. He wouldn't kill innocent people if they were of no use to him. We both know that."

He pursed his lips, trying to process everything. " Are you telling the truth? That I am not just a monster who killed innocent people?"

" No." I shook my head. " Even when your grandpa was under the control of the Business Association, we made sure he followed the exact protocol." I wiped my tears. " Thankfully, he used it on you." I smiled faintly. " We use mafias to kill the most wanted criminals."

" If you still think you can't give up on your dream, maybe we can give you the same role here." I inhaled slowly. " The Mastermind of Criminal Defense. One of our security systems where the law allows a team of leaders to eliminate people responsible for great loss in society."

" What?" He looked up, stunned.

" Yes. But you have to go through legal supervision by the authorities who will supervise each action monthly."

" I see." He exhaled. " Kinda assassin type?"

" Yeah. But it's legal." I nodded. " Mafias have been causing too much pain lately."

He nodded quietly, eyes fixed on the floor as if searching for clarity.

" I can arrange whatever you need. So trust me. I will help
\-!"

" I won't do that!" he suddenly said, his voice firm with determination.

" What?" I whispered, my breath shaking." What do you mean?"