A Glimmer, Then Darkness

A Glimmer, Then Darkness
The hospital parking lot was empty when I slammed on the brakes setting off the screech of tires. I left the car haphazardly close to the emergency entrance without bothering to find a suitable spot. Every other sound was muffled by the frantic desperate drumbeat of my heart hammering against my ribs.
The hospital entrances icy sterile light loomed a ray of hope and dreadful uncertainty. The whoosh of air as I blasted through the automated doors contrasted sharply with the choking terror in my chest. White walls quiet voices and the subtle antiseptic smell that permeates hospitals always made up the emergency room.
I looked around wildly trying to find anything—a sign a familiar face. Then I caught sight of her. Fionas lead neurologist Dr. Eleanor Vance was standing close to the nurses station with her back to me talking to a nurse in hushed urgent tones.
Her posture exuded a sense of gravity and tense shoulders that made me feel even more afraid. “Dr. Vance!” I yelled my voice raw breaking through the ERs low murmur.
I ran in her direction my calm totally broken my steps long and urgent. “Doctor whats wrong? What happened to Fiona?”
Vance turned a tired expression on her face that suggested long days and tough choices. Her normally serene and comforting eyes were filled with intense worry. Even though I didnt feel calm she raised a hand in an attempt to reassure me.
“Mr. Navarro please” she said in a measured tone but there was still a tinge of urgency in her voice. “Try to calm down.Come with me into a more private space.”
She pointed to a tiny consultation room. With my mind racing and every nerve ending yelling for answers I followed her. She closed the door after entering the tiny sterile room enclosing herself in a tense silence.
“Now” she said looking straight ahead “Fiona sustained a serious neurological incident not long ago. It came as a surprise.”
I felt my stomach knot. I demanded in a tight voice “What kind of incident? What happened?”
She sighed her face solemn. “Mr. Navarro she made a movement with her fingers. Only a few minutes. Her fingers made a small unplanned flexion and extension. We had not seen a flicker of consciousness in months but it was a clear conscious motor response and a clear indication of increased brain activity.”
I felt a sudden intense surge of hope. I became short of breath. Fiona. Her fingers moved. An indication. A miracle. My heart jumped with a frantic thrilling pound. The words came out with a brittle nearly intolerable hope “She moved? Shes waking up?”
Dr. Vances face was still grave. “Mr. Navarro it was a very short window. Shortly after she began to have seizures.”
The hope that was so bright a moment ago was mercilessly put out. A seizure.” The word made my stomach turn to a hard cold stone. I could barely see and the sterile room seemed to be spinning all around me.
Dr.Vance described in a professional but somber tone “Her body began to shake violently. . A tonic-clonic seizure that is widespread. After her limbs became rigid her body started to jerk wildly. Her blood pressure heart rate and other vital signs all increased. She quickly started to lose oxygen saturation.”
The episode was severe and acute. I saw the terrifying picture of Fiona so weak so motionless for so long then writhing and convulsing all of a sudden. The idea made me feel sick all over again.
She went on to say “The team responded immediately describing the quick and urgent medical action. In order to stabilize her and interrupt the seizure cycle we gave her intravenous fast-acting anti-epileptic medications. In order to guarantee that her airway was safe and that she was getting enough oxygen we had to intubate her. With an EEG we tracked her brain activity to check for any residual seizure activity. Her body needed some time to recover from that severe neurological distress before we could stabilize her.”
She paused and looked directly into my eyes expressing the seriousness of what she was about to say. “However she returned to her coma after the post-ictal state once her body had calmed down. Its deeper this time too. The brief burst of awareness and the brain activity we observed have subsided. This was a severe medical condition Mr. Navarro a major neurological injury that was directly linked to her extended period of unconsciousness. Her brain was under a lot of stress.”
My head swam. The fleeting euphoric taste of hope had given way to agonizing despair. She had been so near. So painfully close. pulled back into the shadows after that.
“Will she be okay?” I asked my voice hoarse with fear the words hardly audible above a whisper.
Even when I asked the question it seemed pointless and hollow. Doctor. Vance let out a long exhausted sigh that conveyed a lot. She touched her weary face.
“Mr. Navarro” she said her voice now softer and full of intense sympathy. “Ill tell you the truth. Her prognosis is. . . cautious. It is very concerning when a neurological event of this nature occurs particularly in a patient who already has a condition. This is a crucial time.” She gave me a look while expressing the harsh reality in her eyes. “Its really 50/50 right now. Her body has endured a great deal of stress. As a result of her protracted illness her immune system is already severely weakened. Despite its extraordinary resilience the brain has its limitations. Indeed there is a chance if she fights death if her bodys natural immunological and neurological reactions as well as her innate will to live are strong enough to overcome this setback. Maybe she'll survive. But the fight will be drawn out and difficult. Even if she survives this immediate crisis there is no assurance that she will regain consciousness. She is tired. She has suffered a serious brain injury.”
Cloaked in medical jargon the words hung in the air like a death sentence. Half-and-half. Its a coin toss for my wifes life. An empires ruler felt completely and utterly helpless. The fear encircled me like a chilly oppressive blanket sucking the air out of my lungs.
I asked in a barely audible whisper staring at the intensive care unit door “Can I see her?”
Dr. Vance acknowledged. “Yes. The ICU has moved her to a private room. Although she is stable at the moment we will continue to keep a careful eye on her. Just. Get ready Mr. Navarro. She truly is brittle. I thanked her but the words felt insufficient and unfulfilling.”
I left the consultation room with a numb mind and heavy legs. Every step felt like a leaden weight as the journey to the intensive care unit seemed to go on forever. I arrived at her rooms door a thick immaculate wall. With a slight shudder my hand went for the knob.
A terrifying prelude to the delicate reality that awaited me the cold metal felt like ice against my skin. Breathing deeply and tremblingly I tried to prepare myself for what I was about to witness—the silent
life-or-death struggle taking place on the other side.