A Battle Against Fear

A Battle Against Fear
“ Mr. Navarro” the doctor said in a shortened urgent voice that sounded like a siren in the still night. “You have to get here fast.”
After that the line was dead.
A few moments ago my heart beat like a steady controlled drumbeat but now it pounded frantically and terrifyingly against my ribs. A sickening lurch left me gasping for air as it skipped one beat and then another.
The phone felt suddenly heavy a leaden weight that portended impending catastrophe even though it was still warm in my hand. Fiona. All other thoughts were overshadowed by the name which also forced aside my rage at Liam and the lingering hurt of Avas heartbreak.
It was not like that. This was innate fear.
“Whats wrong?” I'd demanded but the doctor had only reiterated her icy directive: You must come immediately. Its urgent.
Urgent reverberated with a terrifying finality. Doctors used such language with caution particularly those who were in charge of Fionas fragile health. Normally able to analyze complicated problems my mind was a jumbled mess.
The coma that had afflicted her for years was a persistent sneaky threat that was always present in the background. What could be wrong? Had her condition gotten worse? Was it her heart again? I had left her in the capable hands of the greatest medical staff with all the comforts and safety measures in place.
I thought she was stable and safe. However the doctors tone and the intensity of her demand destroyed that delusion. My forehead started to perspire coldly. As I stuffed the phone back into my pocket my hands shook.
Just a few moments ago the mansion seemed spacious and quiet now its silent judgment seemed to suffocate me. While I stood outside battling my own emotional issues and giving Ava some space I was thinking about what I should do. All of that felt completely unimportant and pointless now.
I slammed the door of the car shut with a force that reverberated in the quiet night practically throwing myself into it. A combination of adrenaline and fear made my fingers clumsy as I struggled to insert the key into the ignition.
The engine roared to life a strong sound that typically gave me a sense of control but tonight it just made my heart race. The tires spat gravel as I sped out of the driveway and without a seconds hesitation I sped onto the main road. The car a powerful machine started to represent my desperation.
Beyond all legal bounds and any semblance of caution the speedometer needle rose. I had to go there. Now. Each moment seemed endless and each road segment was excessively lengthy. The city lights were a warped tunnel of light and shadow as I drove fading into swatches of color. I had a lot of terrifying possibilities racing through my head.
Fiona. my wife. The woman I had promised to keep safe to love and to support through good times and bad. Furthermore I hadnt been there. I had been preoccupied with my own complex feelings and the drama that was developing with Ava.
I felt twisted in my stomach with a sharp bitter sense of guilt. Had my brief distraction my attention on something else played a role in this? The idea was a cruel self-reproach and a source of agony. My prayer was heard.
I Alexander Navarro a man who prioritized strategy and reason over ego found myself in prayer. Not in an official structured manner but rather in a guttural desperate plea that ripped from the very core of my being. Would you please? Let her be okay please. Keep her safe from harm.
I clenched my fingers around the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white. As it sped through the night the car sped away from the peaceful residential streets and headed for the hospital which was located in the citys busier more illuminated center. Looking ahead into an uncertain future the road seemed to go on forever.
I considered Fionas frailty and her delicate nature. Her grace and elegance had always concealed a fragility that needed to be watched over constantly. I had vivid terrifying memories of her past medical scares the private consultations with specialists and the long nights spent waiting.
Every memory brought back a new wave of anxiety and served as a reminder of how seriously her health was in danger. The asphalt was ripped up by the thunderous engine but it wasnt moving quickly enough.
My thoughts were racing more quickly than the car bringing to mind worst-case scenarios hushed voices sterile hospital rooms and irreparable loss. I resisted those thoughts with all my might and desperation. I was unable to afford to lose it. I needed to have strength. for her.
The fear however was a living breathing thing that was gripping my heart like a cold hand. Despite ruling entire empires and influencing markets with a single decision I was completely helpless in the face of this. I was unable to bargain with sickness. I couldnt plan ahead to avoid fate. I was limited to praying and driving.
A harsh clinical light glowed from the entrance of the emergency room of the tall hospital building which stood out in the distance as the city lights grew brighter. A desperate drumbeat of fear and hope pounded my heart against my ribs. I put a lot of pressure on the accelerator pushing the car faster and harder.
Each second mattered.
Every breath was a silent request. Leave her alone. Let her be alright. As I raced towards the unknown and the horrifying reality that lay ahead the words kept repeating in my head like a desperate mantra. A second possibly much more destructive earthquake was about to strike after the first emotional one that had rocked my world.
The ambiguity was a cruel unrelenting gnawing at my very being a torment. Although I was a man used to being in charge at this point I was just a desperate husband who was frantically praying for the woman who held a special place in my heart.
As the enormous imposing hospital entrance loomed my stomach churned with a horrifying mixture of dread and desperate hope. The brief cryptic call had had a huge impact. I could still hear the u
rgency in the doctors voice in my head as I ran in.