Chapter 39 Breakdown

Chapter 39 Breakdown
Elara's POV

A week. Just one week until I would be bound to Connor Hunt in the human ceremony of marriage. The days since signing the betrothal agreement had passed in a blur of preparations and forced smiles. I'd become skilled at nodding along, at pretending this was all normal.

"After the wedding, I'll be returning to Pine Hollow," Selena announced casually one morning as she helped me try on yet another layer of the wedding garment human women wore.

I spun around, nearly tearing the fabric. "What? Why would you go back? It's too dangerous!"

Selena's eyes took on that distant look I'd seen more frequently lately. "The danger is for you, not for me. I have my ways of staying hidden." She paused, her voice softening. "Besides, I must wait for him to return."

"Him? Who—"

"Hold still," she interrupted, adjusting the fabric around my shoulders. "We need to make sure this fits properly."

I wanted to press her for answers, but she skillfully changed the subject to the wedding preparations. The women of the village had taken it upon themselves to guide me through human marriage customs. They showed me how to prepare certain dishes, explained the ceremony, and worst of all, offered whispered advice about the wedding night that made my cheeks burn.

"The cottage is nearly finished," Connor mentioned during an evening meal. "Would you like to see the progress? Perhaps offer suggestions for the interior?"

I nodded automatically, though the idea of decorating what would become our marital home filled me with dread. Still, I walked with him to the small dwelling at the village edge.

It was well-built, with solid walls and a thatched roof. Inside, the woodwork was impressive—Connor clearly had skills beyond hunting.

"This will be our home," he said, a hint of pride in his voice.

For a brief, disorienting moment, I allowed myself to imagine it—a quiet life in this human village, safety from those who hunted me. Perhaps I could find some peace here.

But then night would fall, and I'd feel the pull of the moon. My skin would crawl with the need to shift, to run, to howl—but I couldn't. Not in this body.

"What do you think of this placement for the bed?" Connor asked, gesturing to a corner.

I smiled weakly. "It's fine."

That's what I'd become—agreeable, quiet, a shadow of myself playing a role. During the day, I could almost convince myself this charade was sustainable. But nights were different. Nights were when Maya's ghost seemed to watch me with accusing eyes.

---

Three days before the wedding, I lay awake long after Selena's breathing had deepened into sleep. The walls of the small guest cabin where we stayed seemed to close in around me. Each day brought me closer to the final betrayal—using Maya's body to marry, to live as Connor's wife, to potentially bear his children.

How could I do this to my friend? The friend whose death I had mourned, whose body I now inhabited? The thought of it became unbearable.

I slipped from beneath the blanket, carefully moving to avoid waking Selena. My feet found my boots, and I wrapped a cloak around my shoulders. With a last glance at the sleeping witch, I eased the door open and stepped into the night.

The nearly-full moon bathed the village in silver light. I moved between shadows, toward the tree line. I had no clear plan—only the desperate need to escape this fate. Perhaps I could find another village, start over, or maybe locate the pack of wolves Selena had mentioned months ago.

My heart pounded as I neared the forest edge. Freedom called to me from between the dark trunks. Just a few more steps—

"Miss! Miss, are you lost?"

I froze at the male voice. Turning slowly, I found a village man standing several paces away, a lantern raised. He wasn't alone—another figure moved in the darkness behind him.

"I was just..." My mind raced for an excuse.

"Elara!" Selena's voice called as she hurried toward us, her nightdress covered by a hastily donned cloak. "Thank you for finding her," she said to the men. "She's new here and sometimes walks in her sleep. An old affliction from childhood."

The men nodded sympathetically, though suspicion lingered in their eyes.

"Come, dear," Selena said, taking my arm with a grip that belied her gentle tone. "Let's get you back to bed."

Once inside the cabin, her facade dropped. "What were you thinking?" she hissed. "Do you know what they do to strangers caught sneaking around at night?"

"I can't do this," I said, my voice breaking. "I can't marry him using her body. It's wrong, Selena."

"And what alternative do you have?" Her eyes flashed. "Return to Pine Hollow? Return in your true form? Impossible!"

She gripped my shoulders. "You have no path back, Elara. This is your life now."

"Then I'll find another way, another place—"

"There is no other place!" Selena's voice rose before she caught herself. More quietly, she continued, "The spy must be waiting for you in the border. Connor offers protection, legitimacy. Without him, you're just a stranger woman with no history, no family. How long before someone gets suspicious?"

I collapsed onto the bed, tears streaming down my face. "This isn't living."

"No," Selena agreed softly. "But it is surviving. And sometimes, that must be enough."

---

The night before my wedding, desperation drove me behind the cabin where we stayed. The moon, just hours from fullness, hung heavy in the sky—a glowing reminder of all I had lost.

I knelt in the dirt, face upturned to the silver light. Closing my eyes, I attempted the prayer rituals I'd performed countless times in my true form. I whispered the ancient words, feeling foolish but desperate.

"Moon Mother, hear your daughter," I murmured. "Guide me, show me the path."

Minutes passed. Then an hour. My knees ached from kneeling on the hard ground, but I continued, growing more frantic with each unanswered plea.

"Please," I sobbed finally. "Please hear me."

But only silence answered. The terrible truth crashed over me—the Moon Goddess couldn't hear me because I was no longer her child. This human body had no connection to the lunar magic that flowed through werewolf veins. I was cut off, adrift, truly alone.

Something broke inside me then. A wail tore from my throat, raw and primal. I beat my fists against the ground, crying out for everything I'd lost—my family, my pack, my very identity. Even the comfort of my goddess had been stripped away.

"I can't do this!" I screamed at the uncaring moon. "I can't live this lie!"

I don't know how long I remained there, sobbing and raging. Eventually, I became aware of voices, of lantern light. Connor's concerned face appeared in my blurred vision, then Selena pushing past him.

"Leave us," she commanded, and to my surprise, Connor and his father obeyed, backing away with worried glances.

Selena knelt beside me in the dirt, pulling my shaking body into her arms. I collapsed against her, beyond shame or pride.

"I can't betray her," I sobbed into Selena's shoulder. "I can't use her body to marry him. Maya would hate me for this."

"Shh," Selena stroked my hair, her own voice thick with emotion. "I know, child. I know."

"Everything's gone," I whispered. "Even the Moon Goddess can't hear me anymore."

Selena held me tighter, rocking gently as my sobs gradually subsided, exhaustion claiming me. As consciousness began to slip away, I felt her shift, one hand still stroking my hair while the other came to rest on my forehead.

Through half-closed eyes, I saw a faint green glow emanating from her palm. Her lips moved in silent words as darkness claimed me, her tears falling onto my cheeks, mingling with my own.