83

Months go by, slowly I began to feel better, like my mind isn't cluttered and scrambled. I never would have thought that therapy would help me feel like myself again, even if it is a slightly different version.

I'm stable, and my emotions are balanced and I finally understand how to express each one, and acknowledge them. That was one of my problems, not being able to feel anything except love, pain and anger, and it wasn't healthy. Part of the reason is due to how I was raised, Kaleb says that being controlled by my parents allowed me no personal growth, they stopped me from doing far more than live my life.

I feel different, even if I know therapy isn't done, I'm happy, more than happy actually. Because I know how far I've come, in the six months since I walked in here a broken, fragile bomb of emotions.

"Remember, two weeks from today." Kaleb says.

"The seventh of January, I know." I smile, giving him a hug despite the fact that he's my therapist.

"You have my number to call if you need to talk before then, but I have a feeling you're going to do just fine." Kaleb smiles.

"Thank you." I grin, giddy with excitement.

"Go on, get out of here. Have a nice Christmas." Kaleb practically pushes me out of the front door.

Laughing, I give Kaleb a wave before climbing into the large Range Rover waiting for me. Elder Luther sits up front with the driver, ensuring that when I arrive on pack land everything goes smoothly.

Maybe I should tell Hardin that I'm coming home finally?

"Don't you dare, we agreed to surprise him." Luther complains, somehow knowing what I'm doing as I reach for my phone.

"He won't cry." I sigh.

"That man is a tough bastard, except when it comes to you. He's going to cry, and I'm going to get a picture of it." Luther says to me, sternly.

Rolling my eyes, I don't bother arguing with him. I'll admit, it makes me feel a little smug knowing even someone like Luther is aware of Hardin's love for me. It makes me feel special.

As I watch the snow falling around the car as we head through miles upon miles of woods, I couldn't help but think of the pack. This time last year I was sat in the pack kitchen, staring out at the children and wolves playing in the snow.

I should have joined them that day.

Anticipation almost kills me, knowing I could literally run faster than this car is going right now. What if all the food gets eaten before I get there? Tell you something, I won't be a happy chap.

***

Just over an hour and a half later, we finally make a left into the woods. The mansion is about half an hour away now, even in a car.

I've been with the Elders six months now, and I haven't been able to see Hardin once during that whole time. We've kept the bond shut, and spoken only by phone or text, occasionally we would FaceTime but Hardin gets even more lonely after seeing my face. I still felt his emotions, faintly but I understand the difference between mine and his now.

Right now, he feels happy, if perhaps a tad sad. Since we met, he's been trying to spend a holiday with me, this Christmas will be our first.

Finally the car stops, the mansion visible through the trees and snow. Christmas lights surround the front porch, lighting up the space between the mansion and the trees as lights are draped between.

"It's beautiful." I say in awe, my face pressed against the glass.

"You never seen Christmas lights?" Luther frowns.

"Never had a Christmas." I say.

"I'll record, you go first." Luther says, and I open the car door and slide out, closing it as quietly as I can.

Leaving my luggage in the car for now, I walk through the freshly set snow, enjoying how it crunches under my wellies. Yes, I'm wearing wellies because Luther brought them instead of actual shoes.

"Kalli?"

I swing around at the sound of her voice, having not spoken to her in a long time.

"Triss? Hi!" I greet, smiling at her as she comes running over with someone's pup in her arms.

"I can't believe it's you!" She squeals, wrapping me in a hug without thinking. I realise that I like that, her not being afraid of me.

"In the flesh." I smile.

"Does Hardin know? No, he'd be running around like a headless chicken." She answers her own question, still beaming at me.

"I want to surprise him, do you mind?" I ask her, desperately just wanting to see Hardin.

"No, no, go ahead. This place has been different without you, no matter what version of you we get." Triss smiles, giving me a warm hug.

"Thank you, come and find me later, ok?" I tell her, already backing away towards the mansion.

"I will, you look great by the way!" Triss grins, and I laugh before turning and carrying on towards Hardin.

My palms sweat a little, nervous about seeing him after so long. I think it's a good kind of nervous, like I just want to get to him and hug the crap out of him.

The wolves playing in the snow with the younger pups don't even notice me walking by, but I still smile anyway, hearing them laughing and the pups giggling warms my heart. After everything I put them through, they deserve it.

I enter the mansion silently, trying to be sneaky about it. Naturally, some of the wolves smell me a mile off, and come rushing from one of the many rooms and into the hallway.

"Sshh!" I gesture quickly, stopping them from giving me away.

Immediately the three men freeze on the spot. The fact that they're always together doesn't surprise me, Jackson fits right in with the men-children.

Rolling my eyes, I mouth to them. "Where is Hardin?"

Jackson isn't the first to understand like I assumed he would be.

"Oh, Hardin's putting up the lights outside. Do you want me to go get him? He won't be long." Zed offers.

I stare at him for a moment, remembering what Kage did to him, to us. The guilt isn't something I pry on anymore, I decided to stop feeling guilty about things I can't control. Like how Kage treated him.

"I'll go, I'd give you all a hug but I don't want your scent on me when I see Hardin." I admit to them with a sheepish grin.

Jackson huffs at that. "Whatevs."

"Be right back." I tell them, rushing back outside and walking around the side of the mansion.

I walk the full length, and he's nowhere to be found. A little annoyed, I head back to the porch to wait for him to come back, when I spot his unmistakable figure exiting the woods.

My heart froze in my chest.

His hair is messy and a little longer than usual, but it looks good. He's currently wearing grey soft slightly baggy shorts, they sit just under his hips, defining his entire muscular torso. Over his shoulder hangs a bunch of brightly lit lights, showing off that he's topless. That walk of his, god damn-

"Lady, stop drooling and go!" I hear Luther growling a couple metres behind me.

Laughing quietly, I ignore my racing heart and walk towards him. I would've run, but these wellies are knee high, and I'm not making a fool of myself by falling over when Luther is recording.

Putting my fingers to my lips, I let out an ear piercing whistle, cat calling him. Hardin being the most non-egoistical man in this pack, doesn't even turn his head.

I couldn't help but smile.

Wanting to catch him before he reaches the mansion, I quickly reach down and rip the wellies off my feet. The snow is freezing, and wet on my warm fluffy socks. But fuck it right?

Sprinting through the snow, I ignore the cold wind as I close the distance between us. Excitement gets the better of me, and I full on tackle the guy to the floor as I jump on him.

"WHAT THE FUC-" He lets out a grunt as we hit the snow hard.

Laughing, I push myself up a little and brush the snow off of his face, ignoring how he immediately tries pushing me off him.

"Get off-" His growling cuts off the second he glances at me, eyes growing wide as he stares up at my beaming smile.

"You look really good in these shorts." I say softly, sitting back on his thighs and pinging the waistband of his shorts.

"What?" He whispers, lost for words. I don't think he's registering me right now.

"I said you look really- oh!" I gasp in surprise as he grabs the back of my head and yanks me closer, planting his lips on mine.

Warm, and familiar. Melting against his chest, I eagerly kiss him back, feeling his desperation to make sure I'm real.

"Well this isn't what I wanted." Luthers voice is loud as he complains.

Hardin and I part out of respect for the old man. Even if I just secretly want to kiss him forever.

"I can't believe you're really here." Hardin wraps his arms around my waist, quickly burying his head into my chest, so I couldn't see his face.

"I wanted to surprise you." I tell him happily, running my fingers through his shaggy hair. Seriously though, why do men have softer hair than women?

Feeling my t-shirt become damp, I lift his head up and my eyes widen slightly when I realise he is in fact crying.

"Hardin." I whine like a child, knowing Luther was right.

"Are you staying?" He asks me, sniffling and brushing his eyes like he has dust. Such a guy thing to do.

"She's ready to be released back into civilisation, yes." Luther speaks up before I can, making me sound like some savage animal.

Hardin glares menacingly at the Elder, not at all finding him amusing. I just grin, and jump off Hardin while helping him to his feet.

"For real?" Hardin arches his eyebrows at me, a slow smile spreading across his face.

"For real." I muse, squealing when he grabs me and swings me through the air like I'm a child. It's pretty fun, but the point is it's for kids.

Wrapping me arms around his head, I only sigh happily with content. Hardin wraps me tightly against his chest, my legs dangling in the air which amuses me a little.

"I have something for you." I whisper.

"You make that sound so dirty." Hardin whispers back.

Laughing, I let go of him and he places me on my feet. Pulling the small gift out of my back pocket, I hand it to him, chewing my bottom lip to stop myself from smiling.

Hardin glances at me curiously. "Is it for now?"

"Not literally right now, but I want you to open it." I tell him, trying so hard not to grin.

Hardin pulls the small ribbon off, and carefully unwraps the pocket sized item. The second he looks at it, and realises what it is, his eyebrows shoot up and he smirks, glancing at me.

"Sex checks?" Hardin practically growls with appreciation.