Chapter 38 - Beggar

Chapter 38 - Beggar
I drop my gaze at his statement, there's no way I can answer that. I should've kept my mouth shut, stupid me.

I didn't think one word is a big deal.

Zero clears his throat and I face him.

“Are you? Italian.”

“No, I just know a few words is all.”

Zero let's go of me, and I scoot over mindful Knight is behind me, careful not to touch him.

“Why are you lying?” Zero accuses in a soft voice as his feet go to the carpeted floor.

“How do you know I'm lying, where's the proof?” I say but avoid his gaze.

I could lie to his face, it's easy, but I don't want to answer this question. I don't want to lie either but I'm backed in a corner.

My guard rises and my defenses grow with every second.

I can't reveal things about myself without revealing the very things that could get me found.

“Le Donne italiane non imploro.” Italian woman don't beg.

I pretend I don't understand, I pretend I'm clueless of what Knight is promising in his words. And it's not that he will look after me.

“Keep Fal busy for me. I’ll be down in a minute.” With those parting words from the Enforcer, Knight leaves and Zero and I are alone.

“Look at me Beauty.” I want to disobey him, I want to push him away but I can't, and I find myself lifting my chin up to face the Enforcer’s blank, unreadable features.

“I don't mind you keeping stuff to yourself, but there's some stuff you gotta tell me. I'm not saying tell everyone. I'm saying you gotta tell me. No matter what we feel, how strong it is, we won't work if you keep lying, that shit doesn't work with me Beauty, I can't trust easily, I won't.” He doesn't realize that he is touching the scar under his eye when he says those words, but I see it.

Something dark steals his sweetness, steals the man that held me hostage outside. Something dark takes away the man that just kissed me like I was his. And for a moment I am taken back to a memory of someone, but I can't get a face.

My survivor instincts kick in at the hard set of his jaw and the unreadable penetrating gaze of his eyes.

I should question his sudden change of mind, or his ultimatum but I don't. I'm used to this, the worst kind of bad luck. I have experienced it many times before. My monster stole my soul and replaced it with chains, but he also made me stronger.

He shredded my pride and taught me to expect the worse.

“Don't believe in hope Beggar, you’ll always be disappointed.” His words ring true again.

I wanted a few moments to pretend and I got it.

Now I have to let it go.

So, it isn't hard when I smile at the biker.

Staring him dead in the eyes, I tell him,

“We all lie, but It's the reason we do it which counts. I’ll give you one truth, just one, but you can't ask me my name.”

“Will I ever be able to trust you?” His question rolls off his tongue and out of his mouth without thinking.

I get up from the bed, my hair falling around my shoulders, down to my waist.

“That's a question only you and time will know the answer to Zero.”

I move toward the door and pause.

My back to the Enforcer. 

“Thank you for that kiss but I cannot be your woman Zero, because the same monster I run from is the only one who’ll ever own me.”

“I’ll kill him.” He replies with so much hatred and promise that another woman would've believed him but hope is a fool’s courage.

I spin around, my smile weak.

“My fate was sealed years ago Zero, killing him won't save me.”

I walk out the door of my room and down the steps knowing that I did the right thing.

It's for his own safety, for my last shred of humanity. I can't be saved and I can't let myself get hurt either, I won't.

Zero's moods and issues run deep. I didn't get on Storm’s bike to find a man.

I got on his bike to run from one. Stupid girl.

I make my way to the bar, passing the noisy bikers in the t.v. room,

“Yo Beggar, get me a beer will you sweet thang,” Texas says as I pass him.

“You want one too Bull?” I ask the big biker sitting quietly on the corner sofa nursing a glass of Amber liquid.

He’s the shortest one from all the men but has the biggest muscles. His hair is tied back today making his half Mexican blood stand out.

When he leaves his hair open which is most of the time, the guy is opposing. He is the one I've spoken too least and when we do it’s clipped and terse.

He hates me for some reason but I still find myself checking up on him. It's a no brainer that he has dark demons lurking in his head, like me.

He grunts his reply as I turn the corner to the bar.

Chadley is drying the glasses and placing them on one of the four empty trays sitting on top of the counter. She sees me and gives me a nod in greeting as I grab the beers out of the silver double door fridge.

“Do you know when Storm and Aron are coming back?” I've come to know the girl, she's quiet mostly but always seems to know stuff.

“They got back a few minutes ago. Killer left a phone for you, said to tell you he’s on speed dial one.” She points to the black device on the counter next to where she’s standing.

I take the phone and slip it in my pocket.

My eyes widen as I catch the thin strap blue tank she's wearing.

My mouth falls open at the denim shorts that show her ass cheeks for all eyes to see and hands to touch. She notices my ogling but doesn't comment or say anything as she continues with her task.

I look behind me and see the stacks of alcohol packed neatly on to the red wood shelves mounted on the rock styled wall and grab the beer opener hanging from the hook.

Wisp joins us and I'm surprised she is dressed in a long jeans and vest instead of the next to nothing I'm used of seeing her wearing.

“Someone wants to get spanked tonight.” Wisp says in a sing song voice, as she walks by us and smacks Chadley playfully on the ass.

She doesn't greet me but I don't care. The girl can't stand me, plain as day.

When Venus or one of the men are around, she tends to say a few words to me for their sake.

But now, with Chadley as the only eyes besides the two of us, there is no false Wisp. What she hopes to do has the opposite effect on me because I prefer the bitchy, but real Wisp any day over the false one.

I take the beer to the two men watching sports and It isn't long that I join in with Chadley getting the bar ready for the mother chapter.