Chapter 65 The Unavoidable Decision
Amara’s POV
It was a calm night. The smoke from the previous attack was still slightly present in the air, and the pack's fires were burning low. I felt as though a stone was pressing down on my chest. I needed to speak with Rowan. I had to explain everything to him, including the decision, the warning, and the terror.
I discovered him sitting by himself close to the ancient oak tree, his fists clenched on his knees and his head bent. He seems so lost and shattered. My heart twisted.
"Rowan," I said in a whisper.
He jerked his head up. I could see sorrow and anguish swimming in his eyes as soon as they reached mine. He got up fast and walked over to me.
He said quietly, "Amara… you came," as if he was worried that I would go.
"I had to," I said. "I need to share something with you."
Rowan grabbed me and drew me into his arms before I could continue. His heart was beating fiercely against mine, and his chest felt warm.
He repeatedly said in a whisper, "I'm sorry." "Amara, I've let you down. I let the darkness approach you. I allowed Lilith to ruin it all. Please pardon me, please pardon me.
His speech broke. Every line of his voice seemed to tear him apart; it was raw and coarse.
I said, "Rowan," as I softly pressed against his chest to meet his eyes. This goes beyond simple forgiveness. I'm afraid.
He furrowed his brows. "Are you afraid? Of what? "
With tears hurting my eyes, I gulped. "Of me. of this connection. Of losing command. Mira threatened to destroy everything if I didn't make a decision. I'm not sure how to handle that.
With his thumb grazing my cheek, Rowan clasped my face. He had shaking hands. Then pick me. Amara, please. Allow me to serve as your anchor. I promise not to let you down. I'll use my final breath to keep you safe.
My chest constricted. His voice was nearly broken, pleading, and desperate.
“Rowan…” I said, letting the tears fall. "You're not getting it. Making a decision entails letting go of the alternative. Losing him indefinitely. How can I accomplish that? How am I going to tear one of you from my heart? "
His eyes were sparkling. "Because you will lose yourself if you don't." I can't see that happen, either. Amara, I can't watch you die. I would rather suffer through your decision to choose him than watch the light go out of your eyes.
My mouth quivered. "Avoid saying that."
"It's the truth," he stated in an emotionally charged voice. "I've been plagued by guilt my entire life. I have lost warriors, lost battles, and lost faith. But I can't—I won't—let you go. I will battle every demon, every nightmare, and every shadow till the day I die if you will have me. Simply utter the word.
He placed his forehead into mine, his breath unsteady and heated. Fear and love made his entire body tremble.
I wanted to say yes for a second. To collapse into his embrace and let him bear the weight. To stop the internal conflict.
Instead, my voice cracked. "Rowan, what if loving you results in Kian's destruction? What if the only other person who saved my life when the world went cold is killed because I chose you? "
As if I had stabbed him, Rowan winced. He lowered his hands from my face and clenched them into fists at his sides.
That's it, then? He rasped. "You still hesitate even now, after everything? "
I gripped my chest and said quietly, "I'm not hesitating." "I'm drowning."
His breath was laboured, and his jaw tightened. He briefly averted his eyes before turning it back to me. Wet with unshed tears, his eyes were crimson.
He said, "Amara, you're tearing me apart." However, I will always love you. Even if you don't pick me.
My heart broke. I suppressed sobbing that made my throat hurt. Before I could say anything, a different voice broke through the darkness as I reached for him.
"Enough! "
Like a razor, the voice sliced through the night. My breath seized in my throat as my body froze.
Kian.
His tall body glowed dimly in the moonlight as he emerged from the shadows. Anger and something far more dangerous—hurt—burned in his eyes like dark fire.
Rowan rushed in front of me, protecting me as always, his fists clenched as he stiffened.
Rowan snarled in a low voice, "Kian." "You're not supposed to be here."
Kian gave a sour laugh. And let you use your remorse to poison her? No, sir. Not now.
My brother. In my breast, the word twisted like thorns. They were brothers by fate, by history, and by something older than themselves, not by blood. And the thing that was tearing them apart was me.
I stepped forward and said, "Don't do this."
Kian's eyes met mine, briefly relaxing before hardening once more. "Amara, I refuse to step aside. Not right now. Never. Do you hear me? "
Rowan growled, his tone piercing. "You believe that victory is at stake here? Considering stealing her like a prize? "
Kian's mouth clenched. It has to do with surviving. It has to do with her heart. Rowan, you've had your opportunity. And you let her suffer for you.
"That is unfair! With my voice failing, I yelled. "Who deserves me isn't the point of this. Winning this conflict is not the goal! "
However, they weren't paying attention. Like two storms about to meet, they were fixed on one another.
Rowan's angry voice wavered. "You would jeopardise everything to prove your superiority over me, including the pack and her sanity? "
With a low, razor-sharp voice, Kian took a step closer. "No. I love her so much that I would risk everything. Because I refuse to see her crumble under the burden of your errors.
Leaping forward, Rowan grabbed Kian by the collar. You're not in love with her. You desire to possess her. You've only ever desired it! "
Kian pushed him away. "I'm preferable to a coward who keeps his guilt to himself! "
"Cease! I sobbed as I attempted to push between them, my hands trembling. "Please, put an end to this! I'm being torn apart by you! "
They both froze, eyes burning, lungs heaving.
I turned to Rowan. His eyes begged me to see him, to pick him, and his face was filled with sorrow and fire. I then looked at Kian. His eyes were also burning, but in a raw, frantic, and unforgiving way.
Two males. Two spirits. They were both tied to me. For love, they are both prepared to destroy themselves and each other.
I was breaking, too.
I gripped my chest and said, "I can't do this." My breath came quickly, and my knees felt weak. "I am unable to—"
Their voices clashed like thunder as they both said, "Amara—" simultaneously.
It was very loud. It was excessively heavy. I did the only thing I could while my soul burned and my heart cried.
I took off running.
I turned and ran into the forest, tears clouding my vision. I continued despite the chilly air cutting through me and the trees whipping at my arms. Rowan was calling my name behind me. Then Kian. I didn't turn around as their words followed me, mingled with the darkness.
I sobbed uncontrollably as I staggered farther into the forest.
"Why me? I let out a cry into the night. "Why this decision? Why now? "
The forest did not respond. Just the sound of my own heart exploding.
My body trembled as I fell against a tree, my palms soaked with tears. The darkness closed in, silent and heavy, until all of a sudden—
Behind me, a branch snapped.
My breath halted as I froze. I turned my head slowly.
I could see two bright eyes staring back at me through the darkness. Not Rowan. Not Kian.
I had been discovered first by someone or something else.