Chapter 31

"Good Morning, my love." My eyes slowly opened to Claire's beautiful face inches away from mine. I frowned while she smiled, her hand softly grazing my bearded cheek.

"This is not real." I mumbled but she inched closer, crossing her leg around my waist. Tears started to grace my eyes again and her smile gradually vanished.

"What's wrong?" She whispered but I kept on staring at her with teary eyes. This wasn't real, none of it.

"Why do you keep punishing me? You and I both know this is a dream. I don't want to see you Claire, yet you appear to me every morning." I mumbled after minutes of hesitation. She wore an endearing smile, running her fingers through my long mess hair.

"I'm not punishing you." She said. "You and I both know, a part of you wants to see me. You crave me Kevin and that's why your subconsciousness is doing this." She added. "This beautiful morning, this room, us, this is what you want. Yet you keep denying it."

"I can't have you." I stated while a tiny tear trickled to my pillow. "We both know that."

"Because my Father killed your Father?" She quoted and I instantly felt a pang of pain surge within me. "Kevin," she called softly. "Forgiveness is key."

My palms squeezed the bedsheets and my teeth gnashed against each other.

"I can't." I mumbled through gritted teeth and her smile deepened.

"Remember that night when Jerry took me. How you had acted on instincts and how you had almost killed him?" She pursed her lips, holding my gaze.

"If you had killed him that day, Rose would never forgive you."

My lips parted to disagree but then it struck me, she was right.

"Or the day Alpha Simon came visiting. How you had almost beaten him to death just because of your instincts. But I forgave you." She paused again. "The same thing applies to the Lycan, he lost his mate, Kevin. It was only natural for him to act on instincts. I know it's hard and painful, but you have to do it. Do it before your burden eats you up."

She stopped playing with my hair, this time holding my gaze, so I found it impossible to waver.

"You became Alpha of Greenville not because you earned it alone but because this pack, they forgave you. They gave you a second chance."

My eyes lowered to her lips; she was right. Just like Uncle Walker, Gabriel, Rose, Flora, and my mother, they all gave me second chances. Regardless of my actions.

The gentle knock on my door jolted me back to reality. My Claire was no longer there except a pillow that still retained her scent.

I heaved a sigh before sitting at the edge of my bed, bare chested. The door quietly opened but I didn't bother checking who, I only turned to my side drawer for a cigarette and bottle of alcohol.

"I brought breakfast." Gabriel sounded.

"Drop it and leave." I ordered without a glance.

"Kevin you can't keep going on like this."

"Get out." I growled. He sighed and then placed the tray carefully on my bed before leaving.

And as the door clicked shut I lighted my cigarette. Puffing heavy smokes to my ceiling.

This was my daily routine for two weeks now. Smoking and drinking for breakfast, shunning my family out when they tried comforting, dressing shabbily for work, and spending the rest of the day in depression. I arose and my reflection displayed on the full-length mirror opposite me. My hair was looking unkempt, so was my beards but I cared less. I donned a brown flannel shirt over my black shorts and then my eyes darted to the noodles on my bed. A memory instantly struck in my head.

******

"No matter the multitude of men that lust after me, you're never going to lose me Kevin." She asserted and I smiled. "You just have to bear the burden of having an extremely beautiful mate." She chuckled and I rolled my eyes.

"You're not that beautiful, to be fair." I teased.

"And your food taste horrible, darling." She retorted.

"Wait how did you know I cooked this?"

"It tells all over your face."

"So, is it truly bad?" I asked. She dropped her cutlery gently. Smiling sweetly at me while she gently caressed my cheek.

"A little peppery but it's perfect." She pursed.

"I just hope you didn't burn the kitchen."

"Maybe a little." I laughed causing her too.

****

I smiled sadly as it came to an end and without further thoughts, I eased out of my room. Walking coldly past Deltas that greeted till I arrived in my office. Yet again, another memory struck.

*****

"It needs some beautiful touches." She had said with a bright smile as she toured about my office.

"I guess I have to call one of those interior designers."

"No need for that." She quickly answered. "Leave it to me, I wanna design my mate's office personally."

"No no no no." I wriggled my head continuously as I joined her by the desk. "You've not recovered fully yet and I don't want you to stress yourself."

"Pretty please," she pleaded trying to woo me with her pouty face.

"Claire you can't."

"Please Kev! Or do I have to kiss you before you agree?"

"Maybe," I smiled. "But it's not gonna chan—"

She cut me off with her lips. Giving me a tender kiss that easily melted my resolve.

"I'll take that as a yes." She softly said as our lips finally separated.

"Fine but we'll do it together." I smiled while she grinned.

"I'm sure you'll be awfully bad in stuffs like this, but I don't have a choice." She teased.

*****

I glanced across my swivel chair and as I approached it, I dropped my bottle and Cigarette on the table. Her scent still loomed over that chair, and I was certain she would definitely not be pleased with this old habit of mine.

Immediately I sat, another memory came flushing.

*****

"So, what are we doing today?" I asked as she leaned against my back.

"Let's go for a walk, in our Wolf form." She said, gradually unbuttoning three of my buttons so she could get a sneak peek.

"I wanna meet Lupus."

"You'll have to do a lot more than this to see him." I teased.

"Kev." She whined while her finger brushed past my nipple.

"You're playing with fire, little one." I had remarked.

"One of the many reasons I love you, Kev. You're Fire, the unquenchable flame of my life."

"And you're my Ice, Claire. The only one who stops this fire within me from spreading beyond control."

******

I heaved a sigh as tears fell on the file in my hands. For the first time, her ice wasn't enough to save me. I picked my bottle alongside my barely lit cigarette before strolling outside. Across the hallway, down the stairs where I found them with gloomy expressions as they watched TV. My Mother, Aunt Flora, Uncle Walker, Gabriel, and Rose. They noticed my presence but none of them could utter a word.

I kept on staring at their couch like an enchanted being till another memory birthed.

******

"Truth or Dare?" She whispered by my ear.

"Dare."

She donned a mischievous smile as she turned my face squarely to hers.

"I want you to strip tease." She bit her lower lip. "I want to see you bare chested."

"Here?!" I had exclaimed. "What if someone walks in?!"

"Then my mate is a coward who can't please me." She stated and immediately I arose, eyeing her cockily.

"You wanna see me bare, then fine!" I chuckled and then I slowly removed my shirt. Revealing those perfect abs, and chest hard as a rock. Her eyes gawked at my tattoo especially, the black wolf face imprinted on my right breast. Her legs took control and in oblivion, she was already near me. Her fingers slowly ran from my fine packs, but I held her wrist from moving upwards with a naughty smile.

"My turn, Truth or Dare." I asked in a devilish voice.

"Truth." She whispered.

"Dare." I had ordered while she nodded. "I dare you to flirt with me."

"Is that all?" She asked. She pushed me to the couch, eyeing me like a seductress while she climbed on my thighs. Her head moved towards my right ear.

"I can do more." She whispered.

*****

I smiled sadly before touring out. I didn't even know how but all I knew was, my legs had driven me to the west region. Where the valleys and greenest grass were. The same place we had our first kiss.

I pulled out the cigarette dancing on my lips, staring at it till my memory repeated it's routine again *****

"Why do you love it so much?" She asked by my side.

"It helps dampen the voices in my head." I responded, my gaze still on it.

"Voices that try to judge me, to make me angry, act reckless and stupid."

"Well, you don't need it now." She retrieved the pack of cigarettes off my hand. Staring at it for minutes while I wondered what she was entertaining in mind.

"I'm here for you now." She finally said with a bright smile.

I frowned.

"Does this mean you've accepted me?"

She looked down to my right hand before holding it in her left. Gripping me firm and gentle.

"Yes."

My eyes exclaimed as a smile crept on my face and in a flash, our lips bonded. It was my first, one I would never forget. The bright sun, the trees that danced afar off, the river that toured below us, the subtle wind and above all, the exciting sparks and tastiness of her lips.

******

Tears dropped freely from my eyes as I let the cigarette and alcohol go. Why did the moon goddess have to give me this wild destiny?

Why did the Lycan had to be her Father? Why?!

Those were the questions that kept on raging in my head as I stood there. Like a statue, till the evening dawned, till the rain started to pour.

Nevertheless, I remained adamant in my stance. Hoping that all these was just a horrible nightmare. But it wasn't, I have been pinching myself for days now.

Suddenly the rain stopped drenching my clothes, Not that it had stopped but there was an umbrella over me. And my Mother had joined me by my side.

She stood with me in silence, waiting for me to finally let out those bottled words.

"Did you know all along?" I asked and she stared at me. "That Jason killed Luna Elsa."

"No." Her voice trailed a whispery path. "All I knew, was that your Father blamed himself. And he had already made up his mind to accept whatever punishment the Lycan gave."

"Why?" I asked. "Why did he have to be so stupid and selfless? Why couldn't he investigate her murder? Why did he have to surrender his own life?"

"He did." She answered. "But he never told anyone the outcome. Perhaps he knew, he knew that his stepbrother did it. Perhaps why he took the blame. Mason loved his family so much, so much that he was willing to do anything to protect us."

"Funny." I scoffed. "The same man he laid his life for was the same man to treat us like trash. He disgraced us, he stripped us off our privileges, he made me bear a name for TWENTY good years."

I finally found the courage to glance at her.

"Yet when I killed him, you chastised me, you almost disowned me. All in the name of family. I don't regret killing him, Mother. I don't."

She sighed.

"Now I don't too."

We spent the next few minutes in silence again.

"For twenty years, all I ever wanted is to kill the Lycan, but life had other plans for me. The Lycan's head is still in place and his daughter is my mate. How could I possibly have revenge now? Even if I decide to kill him, what would I gain? My pain wouldn't vanish nor will my father return from the dead."

"Nothing Kevin." She answered. "You'll gain nothing but more anguish and guilt. And it will slowly eat you up, till you fade away."

"So, what should I do?" I asked as I held her gaze with my teary eyes. She smiled and in a way it comforted me to a point.

"Forgiveness. No one is above mistakes. Forgive the Lycan, forgive yourself and all those demons haunting you will fade away. That young, vibrant, and innocent Kevin that I once knew will return. Forget everything and move on. Get your mate back, be the Alpha you are and the Wolf of Justice you're destined to be." I didn't even know when my body had acted, all I knew was, I embraced my mother. Her warmth was all I needed at this point.

She was right, I needed to move on and stop reveling in the past that brought nothing but pain. It was the only way to be the best version of myself. To be that young Kevin who was so full of life.