Chapter 145 To Love Is Not Always to Hold
She lowered her eyes slowly, her lashes casting faint shadows on her pale skin. Her voice dropped.
"Sometimes when I think about it, I get a little sad. But… it's okay."
She lifted her head again, her smile calm, almost serene.
"Because I don't need to be with him. As long as he's alive and happy, and I can… I can see him from a distance sometimes, know that he's doing well — that's enough."
Alexander forced himself to stand, staggering to the chair across from her bed. He sank into it as if all strength had drained from him.
"Loving someone…" His voice was rough. "Doesn't that mean you want to be with them? Why would you think like that?"
Caroline looked surprised, then shook her head slowly.
"Loving someone doesn't mean you have to be together." Her voice was soft but unwavering.
"Because when you love someone, you accept all of them — their joy and their pain, their strengths and their flaws, their light and their darkness. Even the fact that they don't love you back."
She paused, meeting Alexander's eyes directly.
"And anyway, what does it matter if we're not together? Does that mean I stop loving him? Should I hate him instead? If you start hating someone just because they don't love you back, then it was never real love. It was just an obsession, a fantasy. And doing that… it's not just rejecting the person you claimed to love. It's rejecting the part of yourself that loved them."
Alexander felt as if he'd been struck.
If this was how she understood love, then how could the story ever make sense? The poisoning. The murder. The calculated replacement. How could that woman exist?
How could someone who believed love meant accepting everything — even rejection — do those things just because he didn't love her?
What had he done to her for five years?
What right did he have to punish her?
Alexander was silent for a long time before he finally found his voice.
"The person you love… what's he like?"
At that, Caroline's eyes lit up.
"Oh, he's… he's gentle but strong. Warm and confident. A real man, you know? Like as long as he's there, the sky will never fall. He's really… he's really wonderful."
Alexander dropped his head, unable to meet her clear gaze.
His throat tightened. He forced the words out.
"Maybe the person you love isn't what you think. Maybe he's only sunny on the surface. Maybe inside he's dark. Maybe he looks honest but he's actually cruel. Maybe he's selfish and has sides you'd never want to see… Maybe he can't love the way you do — without wanting anything back."
"Don't you dare talk about him like that! He's not like that!" Caroline's voice rose sharply.
Her brow furrowed, and she fixed him with sudden intensity.
"And even if he does want something when he loves someone, that's normal! Everyone's different. You can't judge him by my standards. And you definitely can't just say he's bad."
Alexander had no response.
Had he really been that good in her eyes?
He didn't believe it himself. Didn't feel worthy of it.
Had time changed him? Or had he always been cruel beneath the surface, and she'd only ever seen the best parts?
He didn't know. His chest felt tight.
Caroline watched him for a moment, then seemed to realize her tone had been harsh.
"I'm sorry. I got a little worked up just now. I just… I don't like people judging him. And I… I've been talking too much today."
She looked down, smiling self-consciously.
"Actually, I've never told anyone these things before. My parents don't know. Edith… I couldn't tell her either. But today, talking to you, it felt easy. So I said more than I should have."
Alexander stayed silent, frozen in his chair.
After a long time, he spoke again.
"If… just hypothetically. If you had a chance to be with the person you love, what would you do?"
"I'd treasure every single day with him!" Caroline's eyes lit up again, her answer immediate.
"I'd be happy every day. Give him the best of everything. Make him happy too."
"You wouldn't want… marriage?" Alexander asked.
He held his breath, waiting, nervous for her answer.
Caroline thought about it, then shook her head. "The future's too long. No one can promise they'll make it to the end. Why tie each other down with something uncertain? If we're meant to go all the way, that's wonderful. If not, that's okay too."
Her smile was open, her eyes clear, no trace of deception.
"I just want to give him everything I have, every day we're together. No regrets — that's all I'd ever want."
Alexander's heart lurched violently. Something he'd believed in for years was crumbling.
And in the rubble, the truth emerged: Caroline had never been the kind of person who'd do anything for selfish gain.
He took a deep breath and asked the heaviest question.
"Would you want… to have children with him?"
"Children…"
Caroline repeated the word softly. Her smile faded. She fell into thought.
She was actually considering it seriously.
Then, suddenly, her face went white. Visibly pale. Her breathing turned shallow and rapid.
"No… I can't…"
She started muttering under her breath, her eyes unfocused.
"I can't… can't have children with him. Because Edith didn't say I could… she never said…"
Alexander's chest tightened. He stood up instinctively.
He shouldn't have asked.
He just wanted to hear what she thought.
"Caroline…"
He called her name, his voice shaking. His teeth chattered so hard he bit his tongue. Blood filled his mouth.