tried to speak

tried to speak
We sayed in silence after that, with me trying my best not to freak out at the thought of him hiding something from me, it was maddening. I was nearly at my wits end trying to make sure that i did not i did not lash out. “i trust him” i muttered under my breath, as i carried on with what i was doing.
It had been three hours from the attack. The men were not back from the patrol and the women were a bit shaken. I helped the best i could, the women no longer seeing me as an outcast as they involved me with somethings to help out with.
It was either that or they were too shaken to care who or what was going on.
“you haven’t gotten anything to eat yet” the woman i had suspected to be my grandmother from Samantha’s side said, while she cleaned the wounds of the other woman beside her.
I took my eyes away from her as quickly as i could, swallowing my saliva to quench the thirst that was rising as a result of it.
The truth was, i was thirsty, and i wanted nothing more that to eat, but not in the way they would understand. Plus bringing it up was only going to make them not trust me as much, which they did not even do in the first place.
“i just… i want to make sure that everyone is properly taken care of first” i said, forcing a smile at her. She smiled back, beliving me without a second thought.
“very well then, don’t forget to help yourself out when you are done” she said, leaving the woman she was taking care of to go and attend to another woman.
“how long would you be able to keep up?” Aiden’s voice came from behind me, startling me a bit. I looked to him, trying to see what he meant by that.
“what do you…” he let out a sigh, preventing me from finishing my words before he took me by the hand, dragging me away from the spot to a completely different room where we would not be heard.
“your eyes dilate at the sight of blood, you lick your lips just by the scent of it, you are barely able to control yourself” he said, not even prepping me into the conversation.
“what are you saying?” i said, looking at him, even though i knew exactly what he meant.
“when last did you feed Advika” he asked, looking me square in the eyes before i threw my face away.
“it’s none of your business” i snapped, suddenly finding a part of the door that had been burnt off very interesting.
“it is my business” he said, taking me by the face so that i could look at him. He did it in the most gentle ways, that i almost cried at the gentleness, as though he was holding an egg. “especially if you want me out of your hair” he continued, making my heart slam in my chest.
“what do you.. “
“,.. i respect your decisions Advika” he said, his eyes a little sad as he spoke. “i may not fully understand why you want to throw mw out, or why you don’t want me to be in the same space as you”
‘it is to protect you!!!’ i literally screamed in my head but somehow, my lips were sealed.
“so if i am going to let you be, then you have to make it easy for me. Don’t neglect yourself the way you are doing now” he said, looking at me with a smile, but i could tell that the smile was forced.
“fine then” i said, equally forcing a smile too.
“so…” he stretched his hands forward, showing me one of the pulsing veins on his veiny hands, while he looked at me. “feed”
I looked at me and i looked back, trying my best to not freak out.
Monster’ the words echoed in my head as i remembered Olivia’s sister.
The hate on her face, the anger as she pushed herself to her death when she found out that her sister was dead.
I came closer, the smell of fresh blood hitting me more that i cared to admit, but i gulped again, begging the heavens to please…
“i can’t” i said, straightening my back.
The words felt like betrayal on my tongue while i looked at him with hungry eyes.
"why?” he said, looking at me genuinely confused. I opned my mouth to say something but nothing came out. “Advika” he said, concern wafting through his voice while he still managed to sound firm. “you are hungry”
“but if i do this i would be a monster! I would be allowing this disgusting part of me to go on, feeding a part of me i wish was never born or awakened just..” i stopped to think, probably something i should have done before i opened my mouth to say anything in the first place.
I looked to him, noticing that he had gone silent and his face had gone sour.
“is that what you think of me?” he said, looking at me with a blank face. I could not read his emotions or even his voice.
“what?” i said, genuinely confused at what he was saying.
“a monster, disgusting..” as he repeated those words i felt my stomach twist
“i am not talking about you, this is just-”
“well i would like to think that if that is how you feel about yourself, a part you wish was never born” he repeated with a bit of spit. “then i would think that is how you think about me too” he said, his voice coming out sadder with each word that he spoke.
“this is all a misunderstanding i did not..” i tried to reach for his hands as he spoke but he took one step back.
“you said you needed your space and i think so do i. I would not want to disgust you any further” he said, leaving my presence with the speed of light, not even giving me any chance to get the words i tried to say out…