Chapter 85

Artemis’ POV

Napatingin ako sa kaniya habang nagtataka ang mukha.

“He doesn’t really care at all if he get hurts again. Laging highblood sa akin ang isang ‘yon kapag may ginawa akong hindi maganda sa ‘yo kaya mas lalo akong ginaganahan na sungit-sungitan ka. Totoo nga talaga ang sinasabi nila na kapag matalino’y tanga sa pag-ibig,” aniya na napailing pa.

“He was so in love with you that I doubt it if he’ll still be sane when you slip away from him again,” aniya. That lines linger on my mind all day. Even when me and Ms. Yu part ways. ‘Yon pa rin ang nasa isip ko.

I fucking felt so bad thinking that Zelo’s just acting like something didn’t happen between us at all on that day dahil lang mahal niya ako. Mahal niya ako kaya wala na siyang pakialam pa roon. Na para bang patatawarin niya lahat ang magagawa kong kasalanan dahil lang hindi niya ako gustong iwan. That he'll settle for less dahil lang may nararamdaman siya sa akin.

“Is the kids sleeping now?” tanong ni Zelo nang pumasok sa kwarto makalipas ang ilang araw. Tumango naman ako at binigyan siya ng espasiyo para tignan ang mga bata.

“Zelo…” tawag ko sa kaniya. Nilingon ko siya. Kita ko ang titig niya sa akin subalit agad ding nag-iwas ng tingin.

“Hmm, should we sleep now too? The day is so tiring. We really work a lot,” aniya na ngumiti pa sa akin bago siya tumalikod. As if he knew that there was something I wanted to say at iniiwasan niya ‘yon. He knew but he doesn’t want to hear it.

That’s what happened for days. I just waited for him to fully recovered. Iniiwasan niya kapag seryoso na akong magsasalita subalit madalas ay nanlalambing while me? I can’t even look at his eyes.

“Zelo, can we talk?” tanong ko sa kaniya nang pumasok ako sa kaniyang opisina. Nag-aaral ang mga bata ngayon kaya gusto kong kausapin siya habang hindi nila naririnig.

“I still have a lot of things to do, Babe. Can we talk later instead?” malambing niyang saad subalit lumapit na ako roon.

“Hanggang kailan mo ako iiwasang kausapin, Zelo?” tanong ko sa kaniya habang seryoso ang mga mata. Napapikit siya bago siya lumapit sa akin.

“Can you give me time, Artemis?” malambing na tanong niya. Unti-unti naman akong napatango rito bago sumang-ayon.

“Alright. Let’s talk tonight,” ani ko. I can’t even stay in one place while thinking about our talk.

Mariin kong kinagat ang aking labi nang kinagabihan ay nagpaayos pa siya sa garden. The kids thought we will have a date.

Tahimik lang akong tinititigan siya habang kumakain kami samantalang sinusubukan niya namang umarte na tila ba walang nangyayaring kung ano.

“You should eat more… For days wala kang ginagawa kung hindi ang alagaan kami,” he said. Hindi ako nagsalita at tinanggap ang mga pagkain na inilalagay niya sa aking pinggan.

I just let us finish habang siya’y hindi na rin makatingin pa sa akin habang paubos nang paubos ang kinakain. Nang matapos ako’y hinayaan ko muna siyang kumain kahit tila ba hindi ‘yon agad matatapos.

“Zelo,” tawag ko sa kaniya nang matapos siya.

“Why are you serious again, Artemis. You won’t say something like—” Hindi niya tinuloy ang sasabihin tila ba ayaw niyang tapusin ‘yon.

“Can I go back to Cebu now?” tanong ko sa kaniya.

“Yes, we are going back to Cebu. I’ll just complete my responsibility and we’ll go there…” he said before he tried to smile at me. Sinubukan niya pang hawakan ang aking kamay subalit agad ko na ring inalis ‘yon.

“No, you have a responsibility here, Zelo,” umiling pa ako sa kaniya subalit agad siyang tumayo para lumapit sa akin. As if he knew that I’m serious with my words now. Napaluhod siya sa harapan ko.

"No, Artemis... please... huwag mo akong iwan..." aniya na umiiling pa sa akin. Tila ba nababasag ang puso habang pinakikinggan itong nakikiusap na huwag kong siyang iwan.

"I'll step down as the president..." aniya kaya agad napaawang ang labi ko. Kung ako si Zelo, I can probably do that easily but he never became the villain. He always does his responsibility but now that he was willing to step down, pakiramdam ko’y tama rin talaga ang aking desisyon. I should just let us be apart… I was just poisonous for him. Unhealthy love we have.

“Are you mad because of what happened in the past? Is it because of that? I’m sorry…” aniya na lumuhod pa sa akin. Sinubukan ko siyang patayuin subalit tila ba hinang-hina ang kaniyang tuhod.

“Honey wasn’t lying at all… I started becoming the leader of that organization when I dirtied my hands taking control of those people behind that… I was the one who’s ordering Tigers to kill those dirty politicians and people that I investigated. At first, I just really want to be strong to take revenge on my father… Gusto kong pagbayaran niya ang lahat ng kaniyang ginawa…” I listen to him at naupo na rin ngayon sa kaniyang tapat.

“I… I watched him kill my Mom, Artemis… I was abused by him when I was a child. I watched him have his mistress going around the house over and over again… I saw how he spend time using drugs but was never caught at all. He wants me to be the perfect version of him. When I was a kid, I was scared of monsters but I slowly became one who wanted to kill… Kill those people who made this world fuck up…” mahinang sambit niya. Ramdam ko ang kaniyang mga mata sa akin. Para bang paulit-ulit na tinutusok ang puso sa naririnig. He was so young to experience all of that.

“I plan it all… I was the one who ask you to kill him. I was the one who made you do that… I’m sorry, Artemis... I know that it will be hard to put your trust in me again… I’m sorry…” aniya na isinandal ang sarili sa aking braso.

“You know me already when I approach you?” tanong ko. Napatango siya roon.

“I know you as the top-notch assasin of our organization. I just plan to act like I was sway by you subalit hindi ko akalaing I will be completely whipped because of you. I didn’t know that I’ll like you… Basta nagising na lang ako na may nararamdaman na ako para sa ‘yo…” he said. Magpapalinawag pa sana siya subalit pinutol ko na rin ang sasabihin nito.

“Alam ko, Zelo… I know that all those butterflies that you make me feel are all true…” ani ko. Hearing his story now makes me feel like I was really the worst.

Mariin ko lang na kinagat ang akin labi.

“And it wasn’t just because of that… You don’t have any fault here. Ako ang may kulang. Ako ang mali. I felt like I wasn’t enough. I can’t love you the same.”

“I don’t care about that, Artemis. You promise me that you won’t leave again. Pinagbigyan na kita noon. Hindi ko na magagawa pang pagbigyan kang muli,” aniya na umiiling pa sa akin.

“I pointed gun at you. Hindi mo ba naalala kung paano ko itinapat ang baril sa ‘yo, Zelo?” tanong ko sa kaniya.

“You were forced to do that, Artemis. And I would gladly take bullet from you if you wanted to kill me,” aniya kaya agad ko siyang tinignan doon.

“That’s what I’m saying! That your love is too overwhelming for me. It’s not really too much. Kulang lang ang akin,” ani ko sa nanginginig na tinig.

“I said I don’t care about that, Artemis. Kahit kapiranggot lang na pagmamahal ay tatanggapin ko basta galing sa ‘yo,” aniya na hindi pa mapigilan ang mailing. Parang ilang punyal ang paulit-ulit na tinutusok sa aking dibdib.

“Can’t you understand, Zelo? I’ll fucking choose everyone beside you. Even if you didn’t say it, I’ll choose you. Itatapat ko pa rin sa ‘yo ang baril. Naiintindihan mo ba ako? Lagi. Lagi kitang masasaktan kapag nagpatuloy pa tayo,” ani ko na mariin ang pagkagat sa aking labi. I can’t face him at all. I don’t even deserve his love.

“You don’t deserve to settle for the love na kailangan mo pang humiling nang humiling, Zelo…” ani ko na hindi na mapigilan ang pumatak ang luha nang makita ko siyang lumuluha na ngayon.

“I won’t be able to take it again if you slip away from me, Artemis… I can’t take it… Huwag mo ulit akong iwanan…” aniya na nakaluhod lang sa akin.

“Zelo…” Tuluyan nang nabasag ang tinig ko nang hawakan ko ang kaniyang mukha.

“I wasn’t good enough for you. I just wanted to be the better version of myself. I even went here without thinking about being together with you again. I went here pushing you away too. Please let me go, Zelo… I wanted to be worthy of your love first to love you. When I work on myself and you still like me… when you are still here, I’ll be the one running after you… I’ll be the one to chase you… But if for those years, you’ll find someone else… I’ll just love you a far… I’m sure that I won’t love someone again…” mahina kong sambit bago ko hinawakan ang kaniyang mukha. Pinalis ko ang luha mula sa kaniyang mga mata bago ko nilapit ang aking mukha bago ko siya ginawaran ng halik.

“I love you… I love you…” he whisper after the kiss before giving me a hug. Mahigpit na mahigpit tila ba ayaw akong pakawalan.