Chapter 35

I turned ever so slowly afraid that if I turned swiftly, it would make things true. My phone slipped from my hand its screen cracking as I lost control of my senses at the sight before me. A crowd was forming around a man that was sprawled out on the asphalt. The car involved in the crash had its front windows shattered, making me fear that I wasn't in some nightmare that I could wake up from.

Killian was hit by a car whose driver was holding his hand on his head and panicking. Killian was lying on the ground dirty and bloody as the ground was painted red by Killian's blood that was gushing non-stop. I was still standing looking at him, my legs barely holding me up.

I felt my heart break in two, it was my Killian that was lying lifeless on the ground. He was bleeding on that cold road and I wanted nothing more than to be in his place. I preferred if it was me on the cold road, bleeding. I stared as the man I loved, the man who was there for me when no one else was, lay unconscious on the asphalt, surrounded by a crowd that didn't know him like I did.

I couldn't move my legs no matter how much I ordered them to move. The shock got me paralyzed, and all I could do was watch. I didn't want to commit the same mistake twice. I didn't want Killian to leave me like my mom did. I didn't want to lose a person I really cared about again. Yes, I was young and locked inside a cabinet when my mom died but this time there was nothing that could shield me from the horrors of my reality.

I can't lose Killian.

I broke free from the paralyzing shock that had me bound, but my fear of losing Killian was incomparable with the shock. Within seconds I was next to Killian pushing the crowd of people that were watching my Killian like some kind of a movie, some their hands on their hands and others talking about how he got into the accident. I kneeled next to him, my hands carefully placing his bloody head on my lap.

“Killian, baby...wake up...” I whispered slowly trying to control my sobs that were threatening to break free.

I brushed his hair that was matted to his forehead with one hand the other one under his neck. I wished I wasn't some dumb secretary, I wished I had become a doctor instead because then I would've been able to do something for him instead of uselessly staring at his bloody form.

“I am s-so sorry, Killi-ian," I had difficulty pronouncing his name. I was losing him for God's sake!

“I am sorry about everything, it was all m-my fault. I should've talked to you in the office, I should never have run! You don't deserve this, please open your eyes. I have to apologize, I have to tell you that I-l love you. I have to...” I bawled my eyes out but he was still unresponsive.

“Please, ma'am, he losing too much blood, he needs to go to the emergency room,” said a medic that removed my hands from his stiff barely breathing body.

I saw as the medics carefully placed Kilian on a stretcher and then put him into the ambulance. When the medic asked me if I was coming along, I hesitated. I was worried if I really deserved to be next to him when I am the reason he got into the accident in the first place. I got in the ambulance, it wasn't about deserving to be next to him or not, it was about saving the man I loved.

•••

I need to tell his family.

That's the first thing that came to my mind after Killian was rushed to the emergency room and then to surgery. I didn't have my phone with me and couldn't think of anyone else's number, so I called Leo using a nurse's phone instead. I told him all that had happened and told him to tell the Graysons.

Sitting in this corridor for an hour or so, I thought about a lot of things. I thought about what I would do if Killian didn't make it. I couldn't even imagine what life would be like if he didn't ever wake up: sad, lonely, and empty. I saw as another person who was in a far worse situation than Killian was rushed into the surgery room as a woman and a teenage boy cried to be let in.

Another hour passed by with no news about Killian, nor any of his families coming. I stood up, paced around the place, sat down again to pass the time but there was no hope, no doctor came out to tell me how Killian was doing. If he was breathing or if he didn't make it.

I saw a nurse come running out of the surgery room and I grabbed onto her hand, wanting to know what was happening to my Killian behind the closed doors. She tried to remove my hands from hers, but I held on even tighter, hoping she would tell me anything.

“Please, let go of my hand! The patient is dying!” she yelled yanking my hands off and running quickly as I fell to the floor.

I saw the automatic door open and a doctor come out, removing his white gloves off his hands. I looked at his face that had no hope to give to a person that was awaiting the surgery results.

“I am very sorry, we did everything we could.”