Chapter 26

I took a sip of the cold water Killian has given me from the mini-fridge that was in the corner of the room. I wiped the remaining tears from my bloodshot eyes. Although I still felt like crying, I had no more energy within me. I wanted to tell Killian everything, every single detail, and get it off my chest.

“What happened, Eliana?” asked Killian not noticing that he called my first name for the first time since I've been employed at Raushan.

If it was any other day, I would've been happy that he finally got it right. But not today. I cleared my throat, which was blocked because of all the crying I did. The guy wrenching sobs had left a temporary burn in my chest. I parted my lips to tell him tales of the real me.

“I don't have a dad," I started, intending to tell him the things that I've hidden from everyone else, "so it was always me and my mom. She had me when she was just 17, but she never acted her age, you know, she was too mature. Every time father's day came, I would see her expression get solemn because she knew my inevitable question would come. Every single time I would ask her the same thing. Where was my dad? Why didn't he come home? When would he finish his mission in Afghanistan?” I chuckled mocking the young me for the stupid questions.

“She told me he was a soldier and that's why he doesn't come home and he will once he finishes his mission which was a lie she used to tell to make me feel better. She used to wrap two gifts and say one was from my dad not knowing that I've seen her wrap it. She was so protective of my feelings but I couldn't protect her. I am the reason she died, Killian, I just hid in a kitchen cabinet as the man beat her up and killed her. I just stared at her when she took her last breath. I was nine years old, I could've done better than just stare. Even after all that happened, I couldn't even talk about that day, I couldn't tell the police anything because I was freaking saving myself hiding in the cabinet. I couldn't save her when she was alive and I couldn't even help my mom after she died,” I told him, laying everything out for him to see.

“I am so sorry that you had to experience that, I really am Eliana but you need to know that you were just nine years old, you couldn't have fought with the guy. You should stop blaming yourself for the things that were impossible to do in the first place. I think you need to give yourself a break, Eliana, you really deserve it. You've been carrying all of this weight on your own since you were nine, you should learn to move on. I think your mom would like it too if you could learn to forgive yourself.” advised Killian trying to comfort me.

If only it was that easy.

He was sitting beside me on the bed, his eyes holding something other than pity, admiration. This was something that confused me, how could he have admiration for a person who did nothing to help her dying mom? I questioned myself. He tucked a stray hair behind my ear that escaped from my tight bun which has now turned into a messy one.

Killian untied the hairband that was holding my hair together. My curly hair cascaded down my back and front covering my face in the process. I dragged my hair to the sides as it was blocking my sight. This was exactly why I hate having my hair down, it always does the opposite of what I want it to stay; stay away from my face.

“I think you should let down your hair more often, you look beautiful like this,” said Killian making my cheeks turn red.

His simple words had the power of changing my mood. Although my mom's death was something that I would never forget, he offered a slight relief from the pain I was feeling.

He was someone who I could offer nothing to but he offered his shoulder to cry on and his kind words were like small pills that made me happy.

“Why are you so good to me? I am just your secretary and I am no match for you. You said it yourself, your parents expect someone like Nicole to be with you. I am no one, Killian. Why do something that has no destination?” I questioned all my thoughts just laying out in the open.

It's was not like he was asking me to date him or marry him but there is something between us. I knew he was a player and it might just be lust that could be between us or it could be something else. Whatever it is that was between us, I needed to face it and know what the destination was before I took his hand.

“I've had my eyes on you, Eliana. You are clumsy, uncoordinated and an expert at embarrassing yourself. You put your hair in this constant bun that you so adore, you talk back to me and you annoy the hell out of me but you know what, I think that's what made you different than everyone else. That's what made me see you differently than other girls. You're not a mirror of perfection, Eliana, you are real.” he said opening up to me about his feelings for the first time.

He was holding my face in between his hands, as he got close to me. It was all there, the rapid beating of my naive heart, my sweaty palms tingling with excitement, and my chaotic mind thinking of million things in this second. It was my first kiss and he seemed to understand from my expression.

“Do you trust me?” he asked his lips inches away from me.

Do I trust him?

There was no hesitation, no second thoughts. I told him my secrets, the burden that I've been carrying alone for fourteen years and he accepted me with open arms. He didn't judge me nor did he pity me. He gave me a shoulder to cry on, and he was there for me. His blue orbs looked into my green ones as I made up my mind that has long known what it was going to choose.

I closed the distance between us, tasting the lips that I'd been deprived of for so long. Breaking my rules that warned me not to be fooled by the player, I kissed him. With a kiss that spoke more than I could ever say, my eyes fluttered close as he stole my first class.

Did I trust the player?

Yes, with my entire being.