Chapter 18

“I know it must be difficult,” Julian said. Without thinking he laid his hand on Tate’s leg. Tate didn’t pull away.

“Gross, huh?” Tate said looking down at Julian’s hand on his thigh.

“No.” Julian gave Tate’s leg a squeeze. “You need to focus on what you’ve got, not that small part of you that’s missing.”

“I guess.”

“Tate, you’re handsome, Lord knows you’ve the body of a Greek god. You’re bright. I remember you to be witty and fun to have in class. Those things haven’t changed just because part of your leg is gone. You’re still the same person you were before the accident.”

Tate raised his head and stared toward the windows. It seemed to Julian he wanted to say something. Finally he turned his head and looked into Julian’s eyes. Julian saw longing edged with fear on the young man’s handsome face.

Without warning, Tate put a hand behind Julian’s neck and pulled him into a gentle kiss. When the kiss broke, the two men sat smiling at each other. They leaned forward until their foreheads touched. Julian ran his hands over Tate’s back. Whatever was going to happen had to be on Tate’s terms, not his. Julian felt he’d assumed too much last week in the cottage, and Tate had not been ready. This time he would let Tate be the one to initiate any intimacy.

Then, slowly, gently, Tate pushed Julian back until he was lying against the sofa cushions. Tate shifted and lowered himself, pressing his chest against Julian’s. Tate leaned down and kissed him. He began to caress Julian’s neck and shoulders, then sat up and removed Julian’s shirt. Resuming their original position, Tate continued to run his lips and tongue over Julian’s chest, kissing and lightly biting Julian’s nipples. Julian arched his back and moaned, surrendering to the stimulation.

Tate continued to move down Julian’s hair-covered torso, kissing and caressing, until he reached the waistband of Julian’s shorts. He began to undo Julian’s belt, stopped, raised up, and looked into Julian’s eyes.

With a sigh, Tate sat up. He rose and, not picking up his crutches, made his way, with difficulty, across the room. He stood, leaning on a table, looking out the window—the one through which Julian had seen him seemingly watching the cottage.

Julian got up and went to him. He stood behind Tate and wrapped his arms around the young man’s waist. He kissed Tate’s shoulder.

Tate let out a deep breath and leaned back into Julian’s embrace, placing his hands on Julian’s.

“What’s wrong?” Julian asked. “Why did you stop?”

Tate shook his head.

“It would help if you talked about it,” Julian said quietly, kissing Tate’s shoulder once more.

Tate turned and put his hands on Julian’s chest. “It’s hard. I’m not sure I can.”

Julian kissed his forehead. “Just start and see what comes of it. If you get to a point where you can’t go on, I’ll understand.”

“All right.”

Julian took Tate’s hand and helped him back to the couch where they sat, Tate again staring straight ahead, Julian next to him with one arm around his shoulders, the other on his leg.

After a time, Tate took a steadying breath and turned to face Julian. “What has my mother told you?”

“That you lost your leg while on patrol in Afghanistan, your father died soon after, and somehow you blame yourself for his death.”

Tate nodded.

Julian waited.

“I was on patrol as she told you,” Tate began. “There were six of us Marines. We were in a bombed-out, deserted village, looking for any Taliban snipers that they might have left behind to make trouble after we routed them, as well as any IED’s they planted as they fled. My buddy Tony and I went into one of the houses to check it out like the sarge had told us to. We…well…we had a thing for each other. There wasn’t much chance of doing anything back at the base, so I let my horniness get the better of me. Tony was afraid to do anything at first, but I pressed, and he gave in. We’d just undone our pants and were getting into it when we heard the sarge calling for us. We yanked up our zippers and ran out of the house.” Tate stopped. He clenched his jaw and swallowed hard. “Tony was in front of me when something caught my eye. There was this little pile of dirt that looked suspicious. I realized he was about to step on a mine. I dove at him and pushed him down. I fell on top of him next to the mine. I thought we’d missed it, but something set it off.”

Tears now filled Tate’s eyes.