Chapter 94 What am I to you?
Clio
I didn't notice it before, but the TV was on. The News Channel was airing ads but it was on mute and probably why I didn't pay it any attention. Not until yet when I popped a nerve wrecking question and now had to look around nervously before I looked back at my boss again.
Matthew stared back at me, trying to decipher what I meant with that question?
"Why the sudden question?" He asked, "I've told you before, I like you."
"Yes," I looked down for a moment because I felt a little shy at his words, "You did, but just because you like someone, you don't go ahead and do so much for them." I took a deep internal breath and looked back up to meet his gaze, "You mentioned something before."
He raised his brows at me, "What did I say?" The room was filled with silence. Azef wasn't here but I had no space in my mind to think about why he wasn't there or where he was. All of my focus was on Matthew and the answer I wanted from him.
I spoke further, "Mate," He was taken aback by my words, "You said I was your mate." He probably wasn't expecting me to say those words because I didn't say anything before. I kept quiet, especially at the time he used the word in a sentence.
He had mentioned the word mate a couple of times in different places.
I originally didn't think much of it but that was when I had no idea about this whole supernatural thing.
Now I know that title has a deeper meaning. I mean, he's a wolf. For wolves, the word 'mate' has a different meaning.
I kept my eyes on him while my heart acted weird in my chest.
"Ah..." He wasn't sure what to say and he took his time before answering, "Hmmm," He nodded his head, "That's right." His black eyes stared into mine, "You're my mate."
I felt my skin stand up, "A-and by mate," My heartbeat rose, "You mean?" I brought my hands together and fiddled with my fingers. There was an odd sense of excitement in my chest. I couldn't tell if I was scared or if my feelings were leaning more towards romance.
We looked at each other and I don't know what was going through his mind but I was nervous. He didn't answer immediately which made the anticipation more overwhelming.
I gulped
What will his answer be? And what am I going to do with the answer? What if it's nothing special? Just something his kind refers to for people they like?
Why did I ask that? I was curious, okay, but now the anticipation is killing me.
BUT
What if it's something. What if it's special? Then what? What will I do with that information?
"Humans have a little hard time understanding this concept." He said and I watched him,
"Then tell me in a way I can understand," I already asked. I want to know now. I don't want to be left stranded knowing I am his mate but I don't know what a 'mate' means to werewolves.
"You really want to know?" He asked and I nodded my head a little too enthusiastically. My action made him smile, "In simpler terms," He paused, studying my expressions, "A soulmate."
!!!
"O-oh?" There was this sense of happiness that spurted in my chest, "S-so I'm your soulmate?" I clasped my hands together. It felt sort of nice.
A soulmate,
The word sounded so magical. Is that why he is ready to do so much for me? That would really make sense.
He slowly nodded, "Mmmhmm," He stepped closer to me, "Now you have your answer." He crouched down on the floor, right next to my legs, "What are you going to do about it?"
I felt like my breath got stuck in my throat and my eyes went wide, "What am I going to do about it?" I blinked, "I-uh," I wasn't sure what he meant by that. I wanted to confirm what he meant so I asked, "Do you want my answer...?" I said softly, "Or something?"
He passed me a smirk, "You are mine," His eyes seemed to get a little darker, "You are meant to be mine, so your answer doesn't matter."
The moment his words left his lips, I felt a sting go through me. Like my feelings were attacked. A sudden chill enveloped the atmosphere, leaving me suspended in a moment of disconcerting uncertainty.
"It doesn't matter?" I felt a little offended, "Are you saying my opinion on this doesn't matter?" The impact of his words rippled through me, stirring a blend of confusion and a disquieting sense of insignificance.
He shook his head, "I'm saying it's destiny, and you will be mine,"
I felt a little angry, "Then why did you ask me what I was going to do about it?" The complexity of emotions swirled—a mixture of hurt, confusion, and an unsettling recognition that the connection I thought we shared might be more precarious than I had assumed. The words lingered, echoing in the silent spaces between us, creating a rift.
"You were curious," He smirked, "So I wanted to know how you feel about it."
"Well," I stood up, "I feel like it's something forced on me." The corner of his lip twitched but he kept his gaze on me.
"It's not being forced-" He paused, "I'm not undermining your feelings, I just-"
"Oh! But you are undermining my feelings!" I stepped away from him, "My feelings don't matter?"
"I never said that," He replied calmly which made me feel like I was being a kid. And maybe I was.
"Then why did you say my answer didn't matter?"
He paused to think about it, "Your feelings matter," He replied, "But I will have you no matter what,"
!!!??
"What?!" It looked like he really didn't care about what I was thinking, "If I don't have feelings for you, so, of course my answer matters. What will you do, or what are you going to do if I don't want this?" I huffed, "What will you do if I have no feelings for you?"
He frowned, "But I'm quite positive you do."
I felt even more offended. No, I felt exposed as well. When did he catch onto my feelings? When I defended him in front of Nolan? Or did my face give it away at some point? Could simply be my actions too. I returned his kiss and there were a number of places it could have happened. So why am I mad?
I feel so angry.
"And what will you do, if I don't?" I acted childishly.
My words caught him off guard. No, not only that, they seemed to hurt him and that made me feel guilty. I saw my rejection change his facial expressions and I shut my mouth.
I wonder what a soulmate means to a werewolf? I'm a human, so I doubt we feel and see things the same way. Matthew's gaze dropped down to the floor and I felt so stupid. Why did I say that? I didn't even mean it.
I felt so stupid, I could feel myself getting angry at myself. I don't think anything good is going to come of this. Just one line from him made me like this. I should take some time and cool off. But I can't deny, his words hurt me too.
How could my answer not matter to him? My answer equals to my feelings. It's destiny? So what? It might be for him but is it for me?
I felt like a clown saying that. I knew I already had feelings for him.
I shook my head and turned to leave, "I'm leaving," I said and began to walk towards the stairs.
"I have a question for you," I paused and glared back at him
"What?"
"What do you plan on doing?"
"About what?" I folded my arms and huffed at him, "About this whole soulmate thing?" I shook my head, "I-"
"No," He cut me off. Probably intentionally. Maybe he didn't want to hear my rejection. Maybe it wasn't that, because he seemed confident he would have me,
"Considering the fact that everyone knows about your secret now," My heart skipped a beat, "What do you plan on doing about it?"
My heart dropped, "What can I do about that?" I looked away, "It's already out..." I bit my lower lip, "I just hope mom didn't find out."
"No," He stood up, "Not that, I'm not asking that." I looked at him, "I'm asking if you want to go back to being a woman."
!!!!
Author's bullshit
I hope I was able to write this chapter right. My mind is dizzy. Please tell me you got what happened between them! I was trying to convey something. It's not exactly meant to be a misunderstanding or anything like that. But at the same time I feel like I might not have written it in a way you guys can understand. But then again, I might be wrong.
Please tell me you got it. And if possible tell me what you understood. So if there's a problem, I'll rewrite it and post it again