Chapter 24 Nikolai
I stood in my study, staring out of the window at the gray morning sky. I had not slept after leaving Anya's room. I could not sleep.
Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her face.
I saw the fear in her eyes when she looked at me after I cut off Svetlana's hand.
I saw the way she had yanked her hand away when Katya walked in.
Like touching me burned her.
I had left a white rose on her pillow before leaving. It was a symbol of protection.
I had just told her I would protect her no matter what it took.
Why did I do it?
I didn't know why I did it. I didn't know why protecting her was so important to me.
The door to my study burst open without warning. Mikhail stormed in. Only him could barge in like that.
"We need to talk," he said. From his tone, I could tell he was angry.
"Good morning to you too," I said coldly, turning to face him.
His face was ted with anger.
"Do not give me that. You know why I am here."
I poured myself whiskey even though it was barely eight in the morning.
"Enlighten me." I said flatly.
"Katya came to see me last night after seeing you. And she was furious."
"About what?"
"About Anya. About you holding her so intimately even in front of her. About you defending her. About you cutting off someone's hand for slapping her." Mikhail's voice rose with each word. "She thinks Anya is going to be a threat to your life."
I laughed. It was a cold, bitter sound.
"A threat to my life? Anya can barely walk in heels. How is she a threat?"
"Not that kind of threat. A threat to your judgment. To your control. To your reputation." Mikhail stepped closer. "And she is right. Look at what you did last night."
"All I did was defend what is mine."
"You cut off a politician's daughter's hand in front of two hundred witnesses!" Mikhail slammed his fist on my desk. "Do you have any idea what you have done? The bratva is furious. The other families are calling you unstable, reckless and dangerous."
"I am dangerous," I said simply. "They should remember that."
"This is not funny, Nikolai!" Mikhail's face was red. "The politician is calling for your head. He wants war. And the other families are considering siding with him."
"Let them." I said calmly.
"Let them?" Mikhail stared at me like I had lost my mind. "Let them declare war on you? Let them destroy everything you have built?"
"If they want war, I will give them war." I drank the whiskey. It burned my throat. "I am not afraid."
"You should be! This is not about fear. This is about survival. This is about thinking before you act." Mikhail ran his hand through his hair. "What you did last night was reckless and stupid. To think it was all because of a girl. A slave."
"Watch your tone, Mikhail." My voice dropped dead cold.
"No. I will not watch my tone. Someone needs to tell you the truth." He leaned on the desk. "You are losing control. You are making decisions based on emotion instead of logic. And it is all because of her. Because of Anya."
"This has nothing to do with Anya." Anger rose in my chest.
"Everything has to do with Anya!" Mikhail shouted. "You cut off someone's hand because they slapped her. You held her hand in front of your fiancée. You sleep in her room every night. You look at her like she is the only person in the world. Tell me, Nikolai. Tell me honestly. Is this still just about sleeping?"
I said nothing. I just stared at him.
"That is what I thought," Mikhail said quietly. "You care about her. Maybe you even love her. And it is destroying you."
"I do not love her." I said coldly. I couldn't. I must not. Love makes you weak. I cannot afford to be weak.
"Then prove it. Send her away and marry Katya like you promised. Restore your alliance and fix the mess you made last night."
"No." I said without thinking.
"No?" Mikhail's eyes widened. "Just no? That is your answer?"
"Yes. That is my answer. I am not sending Anya away. And I am not marrying Katya right now."
"Then you are a fool." Mikhail turned away. "A fool who is going to lose everything because he cannot see past his own obsession."
My face darkened. "Get out."
"What now?" Mikhail chuckled. “You are angry? Because I spoke the truth?”
"Get out of my study, Mikhail. Before I do something we both regret!" I slammed my fist on the table.
"Fine. But do not say I did not warn you. When everything falls apart. Remember that I tried to stop you."
He stormed out and the door slammed behind him.
I stood alone in my study. My hands were shaking from rage.
How dare Mikhail question my decisions? How dare he tell me what to do?
I was the Pakhan. I answered to no one.
But even as I thought it, I knew he was right. I had been reckless last night. Cutting off Svetlana's hand in front of everyone was a mistake. It was too far. And it just proved to everyone that Anya mattered to me.
And in this world, anything that mattered was a weapon that could be used against you.
I have to fix this.
I hissed, running my hands through my hair.
I have to show the families that I was still in control. That Anya was nothing but a mistress, a tool to satisfy my desires.
But how could I do that when I could not even convince myself?
I poured more whiskey, drank it fast. And poured another glass.
I need to think and figure out what to do.
The politician would not let this go. He would demand justice. And if I did not give it to him, he would go to war.
But I can't give him Anya. I can't let him hurt her.
So what did that leave me with?
War. That was what it left me with.
War against a powerful politician. War against the other families who would see this as an opportunity to take me down.
And all because I could not control myself. Because I had let Anya get under my skin.
Mikhail was right. I was a fool.
But I was a fool who would burn the world down before letting anyone hurt her.