Chapter 34 Crushing On My Friend

Right now, life is uncertain.

Yes, I know who I am, but for the last six years, I do not know where I have been. It is not only terrifying, but at the very same time, it is exhilarating to know that perhaps I can start a new life for my old one might have been really shitty.

Though something tells me that the twenty-seven version of me is exactly the person I wanted to be for as it stands now, I am still firmly under the belief that I am still stuck in that hole where I have been buried under for years now.

But I have come to a sense of acceptance over the past few days that life is what it is, and it will not be sunshine every day, so we will take this as it comes.

And come, well, that is this Lucas that will be taking me home today. Now I have been told that I live with Savanah and that I have been for a few years now. Well, that is something that I cannot remember, and it is going to be shit scary to live with someone that I do not know, but I would rather mind myself on her doorstep than in the slums.

Never! In my life!

I do not ever want to set my feet back there, especially with him. That is why I say that I would like the older Lexi in me, but we will wait; perhaps she comes to the surface.

So I am patiently sitting and waiting for Lucas to come to fetch me, the man is late by five minutes already, but something gives me an idea that it is the way he is. Yes, the man is fucking hot, and I would love… Ya, let us not get ourselves in a wet daydream, especially over a man who is supposed to be your friend.

Now how I found myself with such a goddamn fine specimen as a friend that I will have to give older Lexi a pat on the back; perhaps she has even explored more of the scenery.

And with that, the scenery walks in the door with one fucking fine smile on his face… This is going to be hard…

But focus, Lexi!

You are not jumping your friend, most of all when you don’t have half of your brain present at the moment.

And at the moment is me going all different shades of pink on my heated cheeks. Now, if I thought that Lucas would not notice it, he only but smirks at me, “You having a little moment there, baby doll.”

Ya, the man seems to call me that, apparently that is his nickname for me. Who am I to complain? It does make me feel kind of special. So as he grabs my bags, I get one generous scent of his cologne that attacks my senses, and that is me…

I am officially crushing on my friend.

I have a fucking problem.

Only but trying to hide my clear embarrassment away, he takes me by the hand, and we make our way down this dreadful long corridor that I do not wish to see in my life ever again. Well, perhaps if it brings back my memories, then I would gladly sit here all day until it does.

There is nothing more I want than to remember who I am.

But something gives me an idea that with Lucas, I am in good hands. I feel that I can trust this man with my life. Even though I cannot remember a single glitch of him, I can feel there is something strong between us.

Or perhaps that is just my hormones talking.

But whatever it is, the way that he holds my hand as he helps me to get into one ridiculously overpriced car makes me believe that I am going to be okay.

Yes, I feel that I can scream at the top of my voice at myself in my head at the loudest volume that no one can hear me. And oh, the Doctor so kindly informed of something else, which I hope the older Lexi has learned to control for fuck! I don’t know how I am going to handle it. Right now, I am fine. But when? But how? Where does it come from? Am I even going to know?

The most important!

Does Lucas know?

I don’t think so?

And it is him that is now staring at me with the softest of hazel eyes. They can easily drive a woman weak to the knees. This man is…

God Lexi!

He looks at me, and he softly chuckles, “What is on your mind, baby doll? It looks like you are just about to eat me.”

“Lucas! Don’t you think that is a bit inappropriate?”

He only but waves me off as he slips that goddamn tight ass into his seat. I watch him as he gets this satisfied smile on his gorgeous face as he brings the car to a roaring start. Then with one wink of those hazel eyes, he slams the pedal into the floor and speeds screeching out of the parking.

Once he is set cruising through the streets, he turns to me, “So do you think you are going to remember anything at home?”

I slightly raise my eyebrow at him, “You know where my home actually is.”

He slams the breaks in the middle of the road, nearly causing a vehicle to crash into his back end, “That is not your home.” He takes my hand gently into his, “That is never your home again. Do you understand that baby doll? I would rather have you with me than you ever going back there again.”

With that, the tears start to crawl to the corner of my eye; I have no time to react; they only come streaming down those heated cheeks leaving Lucas completely stunned. And just when I thought that he does not know what to do with me, he pulls me deep into his chest. The comfort that it brings warms my heart and dries my tears in an instant.

Why the fuck does this man have this power over me?

Pushing that aside, we set off onto the road again. It is in no time that we find ourselves in front of what is my apartment. As I look up at the building, I can see Lucas is watching me. But with only a shake of the head, “I don’t remember anything.”

It is as if he is almost relieved. Yet, the hardest step is yet to come. So it is with the longest steps that I make my way up to the door with Lucas standing holding my hand. He has not let go of it since we left the hospital. I can honestly say that this Lexi is so grateful to have such a great friend as him.

So I take a deep breath, “Lexi, breathe, just breathe. It is only a door; you can open it.”

With that, I slowly turn the knob and swing the door wide open, and as the lounge comes into full view…

Nothing.

I shake my head at Lucas.

He walks ahead of me and slowly leads me toward I assume what is going to be my bedroom; I stop him for a moment and get a wicked little smile on my face as I turn to him, “How many times have you done this before?”

His very own cheeks are now turning a perfect shade of bright pink.

“Uhm…” He swallows deeply as he tries to find the words.

I only but burst out laughing at his very obvious discomfort, “That is for earlier on.”

Next thing the flat of his hand meets the soft skin of my but cheek, there is a slight sting that shoots to my core, creating a feeling that should not be feeling anything. So I only but push past him and enter what appears to be my room. Well…

“God, do I not believe in color? Everything is black?”

He only chuckles at me as he walks towards my closet and casually flings the door open, “Well then, you should see this.”

God, it is all black.

“Am I some kind of freak?”

“You are one hot freak then.”

“Lucas!”

But just as I am about to walk towards him, there is something on the bed that catches my eye. Lucas looks in the direction that I am staring at, and I can see his face turn as pale as the lightest shade of white.

Slowly I walk towards the chair that is standing in the far corner of the room. As I lay my hand on it, I can feel a sting, but it is not that pleasant sting that Lucas gave me. This… This is one that hurts; it tears at my heart and rips my soul open.

As I pick the jacket up, I press it to my face…

It is a man’s cologne…

It is a man’s jacket…

And it is in my room…

I look at Lucas with tears that are crushing down and soaking the black leather that I have firmly gripped in my hand, then under stuttering breaths, I whisper to him, “Somewhere, someone’s heart is breaking.”