Chapter 33 Memories Left Behind

…Lucas POV…

In less than an inch of a second, Colton rushes over to me and stops me from entering the room. There are what seems to be one too many Doctors and a nurse standing around her bed. The sight pierces my eyes like the sting of a sharp knife, and in an instant, my knees give in, and I topple to the floor with a loud thud.

Colton catches me just as my head is about to crash against the wall behind me, “Fuck, Lucas!” He growls as he lifts a body that does not want to move. “Don’t you also go…”

I do not give him one second to finish that sentence, “Is she…?” The words cannot leave my mouth; I am too damn scared that it will become real if I say the words. So it is with pleading eyes that are starting to puddle with nothing but tears that I look at Colton for the answers, but he only shakes his head.

“Lucas, I think you need to speak to the Doctor yourself.” He points towards the room where I do not want to go in at this present time, but then he continues, “Savanah is there as well.”

So with very reluctant legs, I lift myself from the floor and make a slow and dreaded walk over to a room that will define my fate today.

But as I enter…

“Lexi?”

The Doctor comes towards me and pulls me aside, “Mr. Lucero, there is something that we need to discuss.”

I only but raise one brow at this man that I have still not grown to like and push him aside, but somehow he manages to pull me back with the little strength that he has.

“Mr. Lucero, Lexi…” He pauses for a brief while, but the concern in his eyes tells me that whatever is about to come is going to change the outcome of this day and possibly my life. So as I stand back, I let him carry on, “Lexi’s head injury is more severe than we anticipated.”

“What the fuck do you mean anticipated? She is awake? What more could be wrong?”

And that is words that I would swallow for the days that are to come.

So I watch his lips intently as they move with each syllable to carry his message to me as loud and clear as he possibly can, “Lexi has memory loss.”

The world comes crashing down, “What the fuck do you mean, memory loss?”

“Mr. Lucero, it is highly likely, depending on when you met her, that she will not know who you are.”

“Wait,” I wave my hands in the air as the disbelief sets in, “What do you mean she is not going to know who I am?”

“She only has a memory up until just before she turned twenty-one.”

“Fuck!” I can hear my voice echo to every crack and crevice of a room that has just started to grow very small. “She is not going to fucking remember me at all!”

“Mr. Lucero, there is something else.”

“Please, I promise I will break your goddamn legs if you give me any more bad news. What else can possibly happen in one goddamn day?”

“It is likely that her condition will be worse.”

Now, this man has just completely shocked me to silence, “What condition?”

“You do not know?”

“If I fucking knew, would I be asking you? What condition are you talking about?”

“I am afraid you will have to discuss that with Lexi then; I am sorry there is nothing more I can say.”

With that, I crush my hand in his little white coat and knot it as I slowly start to raise him against the wall. Colton, who has been keeping an eye, comes rushing over and grabs the poor man away from my grip, but I am not done.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Next, in a flash of a second, I have a Glock firmly pressed against the soft skin of his forehead, “Now, are you going to tell me what is going on?”

From behind me, I hear the soft voice of Lexi call for me, “Lucas, let the poor man go before he pisses his pants and come tell me who exactly you are.”

Ya, about that.

I am you cheating sack a shit of a boyfriend.

But…

I drop the gun, and with only a smirk on my face, I look into one pair of very scared eyes, “She just saved your life. Now we are not done.”

With that, I turn around and compose myself before I face something that I cannot understand at the present time. Is she going to have a hint that she knows me, or is she not going to know me at all? What exactly is it that she remembers before all of this has happened?

Well, we are about to find out.

And if I get fucking punched, then we know she remembers that I am a cheating ass.

So very reluctantly, I make my way over to her bed, where Savanah is sitting. Now the other thing is that she would not remember Savanah either as they only met when she came to the city, but I have a feeling that she will trust Savanah more than she would trust me.

I am going to have to play this one safe.

But still, it is fucking agonizing to know that she does not remember me; the woman that I love does not know who I am. Does she know that she loves me? Does she know that I do love her even though I never fucking showed it?

I am a stranger.

Though she soon pulls me away from my thoughts, “So Savanah says that I also know you, that we are friends?”

Ouch!

That fucking hurts.

But I guess, “Yes, we are friends.”

“Mmm,” she looks at me underneath those goddamn fluttering eyelashes that still make my knees weak each time, “I have such a fucking hot guy as a friend?”

I only but chuckle at her and smile, “Well, why not?”

“Well, for one, you are way older than I am, and Savanah says that you own a club?”

“Yes, amongst other things.”

And god, then she giggles, and I feel like I could just get a goddamn hard-on at the most inappropriate time. I need to remind myself what a jerk I am for having hurt this woman so much. It sickens me to my stomach that I can be so vain and that my ego rules my life.

But she has a clean slate; she does not remember all the bad things that I have done to her. She will have no memory of me ever cheating on her the way I did, and she will not even remember leaving me the first time and coming back to get hurt all over again.

Is she not better off then?

Though, fuck, she thinks she is only twenty-one.

Guess I can…

Wipe that idea from your fucking head Lucas. This woman is innocent and untouched by your bullshit.

And it is this innocent beauty that shows for me to come to take a seat next to her as Savanah leaves the room for a while.

After moments in silence, she turns to me and looks at me with the saddest eyes I have ever seen on her face, “Do you know what bugs me the most that I cannot remember?”

I cock my head at her and smile, “No, tell me what it is.”

She takes my hand in hers, and I feel like I can nearly fucking die. I have craved her touch so bad for the past few days, and here she is taking my hand as if it is the most natural thing to do, but when she speaks, she shocks my breath away, “That I might have left someone that I cared about behind.”

“What do you mean?”

“That I have someone that I love that I cannot remember.”

It takes all the fibers in my body to hold me together and not break apart into the tears that have been burning to come to the surface since the moment I had to face this reality in the eyes. So after one deep trembling breath that I pray she does not hear, I softly meet her gaze, “I am sure if that someone loved you, then he would be sitting here where I am.”

“But you would know if I had someone in my life?”

Fuck!

What do I tell her now?

“No, you never mentioned anyone to me, and I have never seen you with anyone.”

With what seems to be a satisfied smile, she squeezes my hand firmly, “Then I am glad because I could not even imagine how forgetting someone completely can hurt.”

“I think it would hurt more if that someone did not know how to make you better.”

I envelop her soft hands between mine and hold onto it for dear life. I cannot lose this fucking woman, and I think I just have. And as I look back up into her sparkling eyes, “You know what the worse is?”

“No, what is it?”

“If that person in your life can never say I love you because he has lost you forever.”

“That would be very sad. If you say I did not have someone, then I am glad I am not breaking someone's heart.”

God, that hurt; every minute I spend with her, not knowing who I am, is eating my heart away. I wish I could just hold her in my arms, but she would not understand why I would want to.

Is this what happens to men that are unfaithful?

Is this what happens to the women that love them?

Why is she here?

What happened?

What caused the accident that has taken her away from me?