Chapter Ninety - Rosalie

Chapter Ninety - Rosalie
I’m back in my room. It feels odd to be here. Odd to be alone after being locked up like that. As soon as the door shuts, I strip my clothes off, half wishing I could burn them. 

I jump in the shower, turning it as hot as I dare, and I scrub. I scrub over and over waiting to feel clean. Waiting for the memories to fade. I don’t know why but it feels worse this time, worse than what Silas did. 

I sink back against the tiles, wanting to let the tears fall, only, they don’t come. It’s as if I’m numb. Hollow. As if I’ve cried so many tears in Knox’s dungeon that I have none left now, and though in some ways that should be appealing, it really isn’t. Am I this fucking broken?

And turn off the shower, and force myself to bury it, to compartmentalise it further. It’s over now. I’m back with Aeron and Cain. The past is in the past - and I’m pregnant. 

My hands reach down, holding my stomach as if I expect to feel a bump but it’s still so flat. My pups. Our pups. I still can’t quite believe it. That we survived. That we’re back. That the future I’ve been hoping for, dreaming for, might actually happen now.

I grab a towel, drying myself off and then wrap it around me. I want to get dressed, I want to go find my mates, to be back with them but I’ll admit I’m nervous too. I can feel how they’re reacting, how they keep looking at me like they failed me, how Cain growled when smelt Knox’s disgusting scent on me. 

I know they won’t reject me. I know we’re stronger than that, but there’s a voice in my head that’s already telling me that this will forever change us, ruin us, drive a wedge between us. And already my heart is hurting so much from the fear that it will come true.

I open the door, walking back out and freeze. They’re there. In my room. Both of them. 

Cain is in my bed. And Aeron is stood metres away. My eyes flit between them. I can’t figure out why they’re here, why in this moment they’ve snuck in. Some fear inside me tells me that they’re looking to claim me, to override what Knox did in some animalistic way. And I recoil a little before I can stop myself.

They both see it. But of course they do. Aeron steps up to me, enveloping me in those strong arms of his and for a moment neither of us speaks. 

“You and Cain both need rest. I thought you could recover together.” He murmurs.

I nod, unable to form words. But I can smell him now, he smells so familiar, so safe. “Will you not stay too?” I whisper.

“Do you want me to?” He asks.

I nod as the tears well in my eyes despite my best efforts. “Yes. I need you both.”

He kisses my head but we don’t move. We still just stand here, as if his hold alone could heal all my hurts.

“I have to put some clothes on.” I murmur. He lets me go and I drop my gaze avoiding both of theirs once more. In the wardrobe I grab whatever is closest and then I scoot back to the bathroom. I can’t be naked in front of them right now. I feel too vulnerable. I feel too on edge.

Aeron and Cain exchange glances as I do, and I try not to think about what’s going on in their heads. 

When I’m dressed, I creep back out. Cain is still there, sat up, waiting. Aeron has taken his shirt and trousers off so he’s now in just his boxers. He looks bigger, he looks as if all this time I’ve been gone he’s been building muscle. I can’t help but stare at him and he gives a little chuckle before scooping me up.

“Come to bed, mate.” He says quietly. “You need to sleep.”

I let out a low breath as he places me down beside Cain. Cain’s watching me with a strange expression and I roll into him, burying my face in his chest because I can’t stand it. The way we’re all tiptoeing around this. Aeron gets in beside me and as he wraps his body around mine it feels like something snaps. 

My tears are suddenly pouring. I’m sobbing into Cain’s chest as they hold me. None of us speak. None of us say a word for what feels like forever. We just lay here, holding each other with only the sounds of my tears.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper it, breaking through the silence.

“Sorry for what?” Cain asks.

“You know what.”

“Rosalie.” Aeron says so seriously it forces me to look at him. “None of this was your fault. We should have protected you better. We’re your mates.”

“No.” I say quickly. “You did protect me. Cain, they attacked you, they almost killed you.”

Cain growls at my words and we fall silent again.

I shut my eyes, running it through in my head, letting myself truly process what I’ve been through. It feels cathartic, it feels healing, to be letting it out, to be recognising it now that I can. 

“I tried to reach you.” I whisper. “Through the mind-link. I tried so many times. But it felt like something was blocking it.”

“You were too far away, Pet.” Aeron says quietly. “But we felt your emotions. Your fear. All of it.”

My eyes widen as something inside me twists. Is it disgust? Is it regret? I don’t know but the thought that they could feel it, experience it, it doesn’t feel okay. “I wish you hadn’t. I don’t want you to have felt it.”

“It’s okay.” Cain says, his hands squeezing me tighter.

I lay back further into him. His hand reaches up and brushes the hair off my face and I shut my eyes feeling a wave of exhaustion hit me. We’ve said what we needed to, we’ve cleared the air as much as we can for now. I let my sleep take me, knowing that for the first time in what feels like forever, I’m safe, I’m in the arms of mates, and no one can hurt me right now.