Part Ninety-Nine

I was unconscious for three days following the emotional pain I took from Malachi. It had been accidental. I hadn’t meant to take all his pain. While I was subdued, Karani came to me in both her wolf and human form. I held her and cried for her. She held me and cried with me. She soothed me, and we talked for hours as Death sat nearby and watched me with keen interest.

The pain from Malachi’s soul was so intense that my body needed that time to recover. I still carried that pain inside me, and I could barely function on my own. Everything hurt, from my soul to my skin and the thought of opening my eyes felt like too much of an effort.

Buried deep in Malachi’s soul was a secret. It was a secret that hurt so much that I couldn’t grasp the reality that surrounded it. My mind was playing tricks on me, I was sure of it. Then again, I did see him with Karani. She had smiled as her image drifted away from me.

“Kiran, you have to try to eat something,” Adara said to me.

“Just leave me alone,” I said to Adara and closed my eyes again. This was day five. I could tell she was worried and that just infuriated me more. I couldn’t say why it did, only that the emotions inside me were all mixed up and I couldn’t separate them. The more she worried, the more pain I physically felt.

Adara left the tray of food and closed the door quietly behind her. I could hear Malachi breathing in the hallway. All my senses were in overdrive and it was slowly starting to break me.

“How is he?” Malachi asked. His voice was filled with concern for me, and my heart broke a little. He was going through utter hell himself. Still, somehow even that couldn’t get my true self to win this battle on the inside. The emotions were winning.

“He hasn’t eaten in five days. He ripped the IV tube out of his arm. He won’t talk to me either,” Adara said sadly.

“It’s frustrating, I know. I can’t hear his thoughts either. I don’t know if he is managing to block me somehow or if what happened to him altered him in some way,” Malachi concluded. His eyes were red rimmed, and he had barely slept since he put Karani in her car and let it roll slowly down into the bay.

It had been the hardest thing he had done in his life. He couldn’t take the chance though of somebody discovering the wounds to her throat and her actual cause of death. Garrick had helped him of course and the pack had been taking turns to hover. Garrick had ruled her death accidental and signed the death certificate while his tears had smeared the ink on the paper. He had written her death certificate five times.

James and Shoran had flown home from Fairbanks. James had sobbed in Malachi’s arms in the kitchen. Karani had been his second mother. Try as he did, I wouldn’t even respond to him. He had spent two nights with me, sleeping next to me in my bed, watching me. I could feel it. His concern.

James tried talking to me about random subjects, but nothing worked. He left me alone with my grief and pain and instead helped Adara and Malachi with Karani’s funeral arrangements.

My beautiful mother, taken too soon. How could I continue on this journey without her guidance? While Malachi was a force of strength in my life, Karani had been my rock, my safety net. She loved me utterly and completely. How could life be so cruel? I saw her face in front of me, she smiled at me and I tried to smile back. I tried to switch my emotions off but they were too strong, it was busy killing me.

‘You have to get up,’ Karani whispered to me.

My eyes flew open and I searched for her face, but the dream had faded. I got up slowly and I sat on the edge of the bed. The tears just rolled down my cheeks. I couldn’t stop the emotions flowing through me. I went to the bathroom and took my first shower in five days.

I felt a bit better afterwards and went downstairs after I got dressed. Tomorrow was Karani’s funeral, and I wouldn’t miss it. Malachi would never forgive me if I did. I had not taken part in any of the arrangements, and I had also refused to speak. I couldn’t trust myself not to break down completely.

Instant silence greeted me as I entered the kitchen. Malachi smiled at me and pulled out a chair. I sat down next to James and Adara kept looking in my direction.

“I’m fine,” I said drily in her direction, not looking at her. She got up and went to check on dinner. It did smell good, I suppose, but I wasn’t hungry at all. I guess I would have to try, Karani had asked me to.

“I’m glad you got up, Kiran,” Malachi said and sat down across from me as Shoran and Adara finished the food and whispered to each other. I didn’t bother to try and listen in; I couldn’t care less what they were talking about. I already knew.

We ate in silence as I picked at my food. They all kept glancing at me, and I heard Malachi in my head. ‘I love you Kiran. I want to help you.’

I shook my head and he stopped talking.

“Two more pack families have been killed,” James said suddenly and Malachi gave him a look.

“What?” I asked. There was more life to my voice as this shook me.

“I told you not to mention it, James! He’s not ready,” Malachi said to him.

“Who?” I asked Malachi and stared at him.

“Peter and Rick. They were attacked in exactly the same way that Marrick was,” Malachi answered me.

I could see the worry on his face. “These aren’t home invasions, are they?” I asked.

“No, our pack is being hunted. I don’t know by whom. We’ve been trying to figure out who would want to hurt us. Juniper is gone, there’s no sign of her, and I doubt that she would be stupid enough to orchestrate something like this after her ordeal with the Council,” Malachi finished.

“Did you tell him about May-Beth?” James asked and I felt the emotions from Malachi.

“She had a massive heart attack when she heard about your mother Kiran, no Malachi, he has a right to know what’s going on even if you think he’s not ready to know it all,” James continued as Malachi glared at him.

“I’m going back to bed,” I said and stood up.

“Kiran!” Malachi called after me. I just kept on walking. Up the stairs, into my room. I sat against the door on the floor of my room, and I cried. I cried for Karani. I cried for Marrick and Jackson. I cried for the McPhersons and the Shephards. I cried for Michelle. I cried for my grandmother and then I cried for myself. I must have climbed into my bed because that is where I woke up. Adara sat next to me, stroking my hair.

“Stop,” I said to her.

She sighed but kept her hand there. “Stop pushing me away. We’re all hurting. Tell me what to do, please!” she begged me. She had tears in her eyes.

“Just leave me alone,” I said to her. She took her hand away and nodded.

“I love you, Kiran. Just know that please,” she said and turned around to sleep.

I lay on my side of the bed, emotions playing tug of war within me. I knew I loved her, but I couldn’t feel it like I did before Karani died.

I got out of bed just before the alarm went off. I showered and didn’t bother to shave. I didn’t really care what I looked like. For Karani, I would wear a suit. She would expect that of me. I got dressed and went downstairs.