128

128

Amelia's POV

I sat at the back of the car, my words slowly coming out as I weighed every single one before saying anything. However, soon my vulnerability and the emotions in me that I was trying to hide were evident. I shouldn't even have tried to keep it from him in the first place, I thought to myself, remembering that this was like the one person who had been my friend long before the relationships and long before I had known anyone deeply here—even before the Alpha himself.

I knew everything I could express all my fears, and I was also aware that there would be no issues and he guaranteed perfect confidentiality.

"I don't know whether I want this responsibility," I told him slowly, continuing the conversation.

He had a frown on his face. Only now was he focusing on the steering wheel. Previously, he would glance at me every two seconds in such a way that I was already actually starting to worry and wonder if we were going to make it back to the palace without an accident with the way things had been going. I frowned at the reduced attention, but even as I was thinking about it, he looked at me again—not through the rearview mirror like before, but in person, actually turning back to take one long look at me that I couldn't consider as a glance anymore.

"I don't know how this is going to end with the Alpha, but if he has a child on me, then I'm going to be bound, and it might even result in violence and physical confrontations. Not just him, but the elders and other officials also would do their best to attack me one way or another," I explained to him.

"I understand," he whispered.

"What?" I asked.

"I understand," he responded slowly.

Personally, I didn't think that it was possible for him to understand so easily, but the thoughtful expression on his face told me that he wasn't taking this lightly at all, and as long as he was being serious, maybe he actually understood when he said he did.

"So what do you have in your head?" he asked me slowly, even though the question came suddenly to me. His voice had concern in it.

I trembled a little at a thought in my mind. I shouldn't even think of something like this. It was illegal, and if it was reported to the Alpha, I would be kept under house arrest for the rest of the time it took for the child to be finally completely birthed. It was just one way of him knowing about the issues and consequences and also how serious this issue right now was.

"I don't want him to know about it at all in the first place," I started, looking out through the window, ashamed of the words I was saying and hardly able to see myself as the one saying them in the first place. "I don't want him to know that he ever had a child," I continued simply.

Ryker frowned at me. "There's no way you're going to succeed in hiding the child if you go back there," he said, a question in his voice.

I looked at him in disbelief. Did he not get the message that I was trying to pass across? Or was he just joking in the first place when he said that he understood? Because of all things, he didn't understand any single thing at all right here and now.

He blinked rapidly, seeing the expression I was giving him. "What?" he asked.

I sighed. It seemed like I would have to put it simply for him so that his little child mind would understand. No, I didn't want to do that at all. It was bad enough to think of this, but having to explain those thoughts, it was absolutely terrible. But since I had already started, I might as well tell him everything. Or you might just keep quiet, a voice in my mind says, and stop wasting your time and energy. And also spare yourself from making the mistake you are about to make.

I rolled my eyes, wondering at the thought of just a moment ago. It was very reasonable, and sure I could do it like that, but I just wasn't quite certain whether or not it was the best way to go about this.

"Why'd you get silent for so long?" Ryker asked me impatiently. "What's going on?"

"Explain?" I snorted, looking at the huge frown on his face, or rather the betrayed expression that suggested I really needed to tell him this right now of all the issues. I thought that it was not a bad idea to let him in on my little secrets.

"I was thinking about an abortion," I told him.

The silence that accompanied, at least, made me aware that he was knowledgeable of what I was saying and the meaning of my words. He understood the implications also just as perfectly as I did.

"Are you serious?" he breathed.

I frowned at him. He wasn't the kind of person I expected to show such fear now in such a situation, but being put to the test now, he was failing woefully.

"Are you afraid?" I asked him decisively, gritting my teeth.

There was a brief silence between us. "I'm not afraid," he told me finally, though he sounded as if he was simply forcing himself to be confident. "I'm not scared, I'm just apprehensive and I don't want a problem for me. Mistake. Do you understand what you are talking about? If you are caught," he started, but I wouldn't be.

"I told him, simply, and killing me because it was my honest thoughts at the moment.

He raised an eyebrow at me, but I looked at him with a question in my eyes. "What is it going to be? The prophet escaped from him and all his laws and the restrictions of Komet. Being the one carrying the Alpha's child, I'm pretty sure it's going to be much more burdensome than it is to simply be a normal Luna," I complained.

"Well," he started with a frown on his face, the kind of look that suggested he was uncertain now what to do.

As for me, I was thinking about it very carefully now. So it was starting to make a lot more sense to me. So much sense that I was rather scared now of what might happen if I continued entertaining the thoughts like I was right now.

"I feel like I'm going to go," I said.

"Amelia, you are talking about taking the biggest risk," he told me slowly.

Somehow, somehow I expected something like that from him. So when it came, I wasn't surprised in the least. "I understand that," I told him in response. "I am also quite aware of the rewards I stand to gain if it works out," I told him.

"Are you really?" he asked in return, his eyes pleading with me to reconsider. "If you are really sure you understand, then tell me if you think it's worth it," he said, taking a risk and betraying the man who has already hurt me so much in the past few days.

"In order to be free for once and finally have my own life? Well, let's say that's a pretty good risk, and I really think it's worth it," I told him.

The expression on his face, the flabbergasted look, told me he didn't understand how I was thinking about it. Well, did he really have to? I didn't think so, not as long as I already had my course of action in mind. I knew this man inside out. He wouldn't betray my little secrets; he wouldn't mention me. Also, in other words, I could be rest assured that everything we said here would end here, which made me confident to tell him everything without any hesitation. It also made me confident that, sooner or later, I would make up my mind without any pressure whatsoever from him—from anyone in general.

"All right, fine then," he was saying now. I didn't really think that he had given up. Whatever the reason was for him to be on the Alpha's side, I wasn't aware yet, but I would soon find it out. And it had better be a good one because it wasn't making any sense. The jealousy between them that I thought was gone was more apparent than ever now by how Ryker had taken his opportunity quickly upon finding a way to estrange me from the Alpha.

"You probably already know that I want to try to stop you," he started, his voice low as the car slowed down, adding more emphasis to his words.

"Well, you are already trying to stop me," I whispered in return, wondering what the hell was with his manner of speech contradicting himself so unambashedly.

"I just wanted to consider one more thing before you make your grand decision. You told me, what about the child? You will be ending a life. Your first potential child. The first person to be brought into this cruel world where you will be ending it, cutting it short. Do you think you can take responsibility for such an action?" he questioned.

I frowned at him. He was supposed to be asked how, I asked in return. Sure, he was making sense, but not really much sense right at this moment. Because there was nothing really for me to take responsibility for. Besides, who will be holding me accountable except your conscience?

"If your head is brave, it's going to whisper into your ears when this is done. Whether you've done the right or wrong thing, you'll know then, but you won't know now. You think you'll be able to handle it?" he questioned me.

"Because in my own experience and from my opinion, this kind of issue will continue and continue until you actually come out to confess it. And then everyone would know and the alpha would feel betrayed, and everyone would think of you differently, and your respect would be gone if he'd be informed."

My eyes widened in disbelief. Had he gone through something like this before? Why on earth did he not just tell me that right from the beginning? He had no idea how much I would have helped.

"What happened in your case?" I questioned.

He shifted uncomfortably in the driver's seat, stepping on the accelerator and making the car lurch forward.

"What happened?" I asked again. He wasn't going to have me open up to him but say nothing himself. That wasn't how things worked. And I was going to ensure he told me what I needed to know.

However, the car stopped then, arriving just in time at the palace.

"Maybe we can continue the conversation," he told me, "but I really think you should think about what you are doing first before you come to any conclusion."