Chapter 53 UNFINISHED SHADOWS
Celestia's POV
I couldn't sleep for most of the night.
I tried to but my eyes kept snapping open at odd hours, Lucian was asleep and I didn't want to disturb him so I'd bully myself back to slumberland.
My mind was plagued with worries, one of which was my son.
I don't know how his living conditions have been for the past 5 years, but if Medel has this child it will definitely get worse. The night was long but eventually morning came spilling its light into the bedroom. At the crack of dawn, I was already seated on the bed, eyes wide awake, while Lucian slept peacefully. I almost felt a bit envious.
After taking a deeper breath I tried to get off the bed quietly but I stopped, his grip was gentle but firm enough to hold me in place. I looked back at his eyes, still closed but his lips parted.
"Going somewhere?" He said, with a deep, gravelly voice that warmed my insides.
"Yes, the pack bakery…I need to step out and get some fresh air. I was going to leave a note," I said, which was partially a lie.
"Okay, I have something to take care of this morning…I'll see you later then, hmm?"
"Yeah."
He gradually released me one finger after the next until his palm now rested on the bedsheet and I was able to slide off the bed successfully.
"Should I get you anything?" I said it kinda out of courtesy, but also because I felt grateful to him.
"You don't have to," he replied with that deep bedroom voice again.
"Maybe not, but I want you to know that I appreciate you handling this rollercoaster of crazy with me. It means the world to me."
He was quiet for the longest time his face buried into his pillow, I thought he had drifted back into sleep, then as I turned, he got cleaned up and slipped into some light comfortable clothes and footwear. My feet had already taken me halfway across the room before he mumbled or something.
"What was that Lucian, I didn't catch it…"
"Matcha-filled croissant," he repeated, this time clearer, "that's what I want, can I bother you with that?"
I beamed.
"Sure, why not," I spun around to reply and was temporarily distracted by the intricacies of his back muscles as he rustled a bit under the sheets. As usual, I was stuck on a scar at the center of his back, fang marks. My curiosity had nearly pushed me to ask but I had it to remember the lines drawn between us, this was a contract relationship at its very foundation, just because I had shared my past wounds with him did not mean he had to do the same with his literal wounds.
A few minutes later I was walking down the hall when I had the displeasure of running into Raphael.
Ah, yes, he was an early riser too.
That to it as if I was the one who ruined his life instead of the other way around.
Funny how my only mission would have just been recovering my son if he didn't decide that the small whisper of freedom I had in my life was something he couldn't bear to see.
He stomped forward; "What's your angle Celestia? You return after all these years for what?"
I clenched my teeth.
"We both know what time after, pretending like you don't doesn't change the facts Raphael…I shouldn't have to say it out for you to know what you took from me."
His eyes widened with genuine shock.
"Is that why you're causing all this chaos? It's already been 5 years, Celestia. Maybe I could have handled what happened back then a little better but don't you think that you hold some of the blame yourself?"
I nearly laughed but it turned into a snort halfway.
"I should take some of the blame, for what?"
He awkwardly scratched the back of his neck as if he had not expected that question, as if I was supposed to swallow his nonsensicality as I had done before.
"It's because you treated Medeaso poorly, when the accusations were levied against you it was easy to believe them. If you had been just a little bit kinder to her maybe…"
"That's enough," I said brushing past him, my patience running on thin ice, "perhaps it's too early in the morning for you to be fully aware of what you're saying, kindness? Are you saying I lack kindness?!"
If anything I had too much kindness for my own darn good.
My mother who was a perceptive woman her entire life took one look at Medea and her treacherous little sister, immediately plucking them out as trouble.
"Sweetheart we already have enough servants here, do you really want to take that girl in? And of all things your personal maid?" Each word my mother said ran with worry but I dismissed her concerns as they came one after the other.
Boat sisters as orphans had nothing and no one in the world.
They were also the target of several nasty rumors flying around claiming that they had taken the lives of their own parents and that they were cursed extended family members did not pay exactly which out to help.
Raphael told me everything with tears in his eyes, and my foolish younger self was moved as well.
I would have taken in both sisters if it weren't for how strongly my mother resisted it.
Perhaps I should have listened to her.
At the very least my life would not have been such a mess.
"Don't speak to me about kindness Raphael, and stop assuming that I'm still the same woman who blindly loved you those years back."
He didn't approach me but he spoke loud enough for me to hear.
"Do you think I really believe that?"
I stopped and I was almost tempted to turn around and launch myself at him but instead I steeled myself control and kept going