Chapter 75 Overwhelmed with Guilt
Two of the first four riders completed their 8-second rides and received scores. “Easy pen of bulls tonight,” Evelyn pointed out. “Looks like I’m going to get a free dinner tonight.”
“Not so fast,” Alexandra responded. “What’s that saying? There was never a horse that couldn’t be rode and never a rider that couldn’t be throwed?”
“In most cases, I’d agree, but these bulls are easy for RJ.”
“E tu brute?” Alexandra looked at Evelyn with a shocked expression.
“I’m out to win,” Evelyn chuckled.
“You suck for a friend,” Alexandra teased. “You’re supposed to hate right along with me.”
“Trust me, I’m hating, but I’m also realistic.”
RJ was announced, and they could see him settling in on the back of the bull. One of the other riders was pulling his rope and helping him wrap his hand into the bull rope. They saw him nod his head and saw the gate open. RJ was in total control on the back of the bull, and Alexandra saw that his old form was back. It hurt just a little to see that he was riding so well again. It was like a stab in the back to see that he was already over her and that he was refocused. She heard the horn sound indicating that he had ridden the entire 8 seconds, but then things turned ugly very quickly.
RJ reached for the tail of his rope to pull it loose, but it was hung up and did not come free. In that moment, the bull made a sharp lunge that pulled RJ down into his horns. Alexandra heard the blunt smack as RJ’s head made contact with the bull. She could tell by how his body went limp that he was unconscious. The next several seconds went by in slow agony as RJ’s body was tossed around like a limp rag. The bull fighters were doing everything in their power to get his hand free from the rope, but it seemed that they would never get him free. With each contact of hooves to RJ’s body, Alexandra winced in pain. She felt the relief that everyone felt when, after what seemed like several minutes, the bullfighters were finally able to get RJ’s hand free from the rope and safe from the bull.
The stunned silence of the crowd told the entire story and reflected what was going through Alexandra’s mind as she watched him lying in the arena. He wasn’t moving, and the medical people were being called in to check on him. It was a long, grueling five minutes without movement. They had the backboard slipped under him, and his head was braced, but he still had not moved. The ambulance came into the arena and loaded RJ, strapped to the backboard, onto a stretcher and into the ambulance. Alexandra felt like she hadn’t breathed the entire time. She felt a sudden rush of guilt come over her. Why had she made that stupid bet? What had she been thinking? As the guilt engulfed her, she suddenly wanted to be alone. She rushed out of the bleachers as the tears began to flow down her cheeks.
She was quickly away, running to the horse barn. She was glad that Evelyn didn’t follow her. She didn’t need to talk. She didn’t want to hear anyone speak. She heard the announcer continue as the bull riding started up again. It seemed so cruel. She had seen it hundreds of times and thought that it was so completely insensitive to continue when someone had been so badly hurt, maybe even dead. His body had been so lifeless as it flopped around on the back of that angry animal. The scene replayed in her mind over and over again. She made it to the stall where they were keeping Sonny and slipped inside. She sat down in the straw, pulled her knees up to her chest, and sobbed.
How could she be so cruel? How could she have turned so heartless that she could wish bad luck upon someone? It was her fault. She had bet against him. She had placed a bad omen on him. It was because of her that he was being rushed to the hospital, was severely injured, or maybe he was... Why had she made that stupid bet? The scene would not stop going through her mind. His smile, his blue eyes, his joyful demeanor, and his touch when making love all flashed through her mind along with the sight of him being tossed around by the bull and then lying lifeless in the arena; lifeless while he was being loaded into the ambulance. It was her fault. She couldn’t clear it from her mind.
She felt Sonny’s muzzle on the top of her head. She felt and heard his breath as he sniffed her. He nudged her with his upper lip. She arose, wrapped her arms around his neck, buried her face in his shoulder, and continued sobbing.
“It ain't your fault,” Evelyn said.
Alexandra had not heard her approach. She had quit sobbing and had turned to brushing the big bay gelding. She had expected Evelyn to come, but as usual, she had waited until Alexandra had cried herself out and was in a much calmer state before approaching her. It was incredible how her timing was nearly always perfect. It made Alexandra wonder if Evelyn had been through all of the same things before. “How do you do that?”
“How do I do what?” she replied.
“How do you know how much time I need before you come?” Alexandra asked.
“I don’t know,” Evelyn said. “Just instinct, I guess. I’m never quite sure until I arrive.”
“You time it perfectly every time,” Alexandra said. She fell silent and continued brushing Sonny. Evelyn said nothing more, but her presence as she leaned on the stall door and waited was a comfort. She was almost like one of the horses, but she could speak. “I know it wasn’t my fault,” she replied after several minutes. “I just can’t believe that I became so heartless. I know that I have been angry with him, but nobody deserves that.”