Chapter 31 Stop this madness!
Ruel’s POV
Krist won’t stop pacing. Furiously he claws at the inside of my skull, snarling, trying to get through the barrier I just created to prevent him from taking over again, like he did ten minutes ago.
I stand in the center of the study, my chest heaving. My hands are clenched in trembling fists.
“Go after her.” Krist’s deep voice echoes inside my head.
“No.” I grind out, my clenched jaw burning.
“You are such a coward. We almost had her.” He roars.
“She reeked of fear.” I snap.
“She’s ours. She can't be scared of us! How could you let him take her away? You should have let me punch him. You should have…”
“You shouldn't have pushed forward Krist! We've spoken about this before. If you can't trust me to do what's in our best interest then you should never have been assigned to me!” I bark, anger consuming me.
“But she's ours.” He says.
“She is not ours,” I snarl, my feet moving much faster. “We cannot deal with the weakness the mate bond brings. Even if I was going to ever give us a chance, it's no longer possible because she’s fucking terrified of you now… fucking terrified of us.”
“Because you waited. Because you kept holding me back. One second sooner… one kiss… and she would have melted for us!”
“Shut up.” I force out, pressing my palm to my temple, but it’s like trying to quench a burning forest with oil.
“You know I'm right. You felt it too. She wasn't really scared of us.”
“Just… shut up.” Dear goddess, why aren't you listening?!
He laughs, low and vicious, the sound scraping down my spine.
“I still remember how your heart thumped when you had your lips on her pulse. You can't deny how good that felt.”
“How it felt isn't the focus here, Krist. She screamed,” I spit, my voice filling with a shame I can't ignore. “That was terror, not surrender.”
He doesn’t give a damn. Heat surges wickedly behind my ribs as my wolf claws harder and faster, fighting for dominance.
Yes I've fought with krist before but it has never been this bad. He has never been this deaf to reasoning.
I lurch forward, my fingers gripping the edge of my study table. The wood groans under the pressure.
“Krist stop this madness! What has gotten into you?!” I rasp through a locked jaw. “I said enough.” I bark, my voice bouncing off the walls.
My wolf doesn’t care and he proves this by pushing harder, filling my chest with heat until my breath starts coming out ragged and uneven.
I stagger, almost losing my footing.
The more I fight him, the harder he pushes. I groan as he shoves images into my mind.
Ira’s wide innocent eyes, the loud sound of her rapid heartbeat, the insane warmth of her back against my chest.
A low growl escapes me as I shake my head like I can physically fling him out.
“Go to her.”
“No.”
“GO!”
His roar slams into me, and for one frightening second my own legs betray me as I feel myself step toward the door. My fingers twitch like they’re reaching for her arm again.
“No!” I bark, slamming myself back against the wall. The impact nearly shifts my spine, but it grounds me.
My wolf lunges but I inhale through my teeth, gripping the side of my head with both hands.
The pain is almost excruciating.
“I said stop!” I roar as something snaps inside me… The last bit of my self control cuts.
I seize my wolf by the throat of his presence, mentally, brutally, dragging him behind my mind.
This can cause a strain in our connection but I don't care.
He snaps and thrashes, but I shove harder. Those angry claws dig into the edges of my mind.
Despite the pain that erupts behind my eyes, I don't change my mind. I need him down.
“Ruel,” he chokes.
“Stay back,” I snap.
He lunges again.
I shove him harder down the black hole.
This time, he stumbles.
And I push him… with all the fury, shame, every inch of fear burning inside me I push him. Until he is forced into a small, dark corner at the back of my consciousness.
His agonized howl can still be heard faintly but I can live with that.
I can't let him out till I'm sure I'm in complete control.
I slam a wall down over him, blocking out his rage.
And in a second, silence drops heavily.
I force myself to inhale, long and deep, but it feels like breathing after drowning… painful.
I straighten slowly, my hands still trembling.
That's when the door opens.
Elric steps inside, a small brown sachet quietly held between his fingers. His eyes dart over to me quickly. I straighten my posture.
With a bit more composure I wipe off the beads of sweat on my head.
Elric stays still by the door… watching me.
“Krist still there?” He questions softly.
“No,” I mutter, feeling a bit exhausted.
He tosses the sachet into my palm without warning.
“What is this?” I ask, staring at it even as Elric turns around to close the door.
“Take it.” He says with all seriousness.
My brows furrow. “I’m not putting anything in my body until I know exactly what it is.”
He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “I got it from the clinic. It’s for… ruts.”
The blood drains from my face.
Without thinking twice, I throw the sachet across the room. It hits a shelf and falls to the floor.
“So you think I’m losing my mind?” I shake my head.
“I think?” Elric scoffs stepping closer, “Ruel you almost took her right here in your study. So yes, something is wrong.”
“That wasn’t me!” I grit out.
“That is the problem.” Elric says, his words landing heavily.
As I think over his statement again, my anger thins out into something else…fear? Confusion?
I drag a hand down my face and step back. “I lost control,” I say quietly remembering how my wolf had torn free the moment Ira ran out of the study.
“He… he came forward faster than I expected.”
“I saw you carry her into your room,” Elric says flatly. “It’s your body, your actions. Do you know how much damage you would do to your image if you were to mention to anyone in the base that you lost control of your wolf?”
I swallow the lump in my throat.
“Exactly what I'm saying.” His voice softens. “You can’t afford that, Ruel.”
I know he’s right. The realization settles painfully inside my chest.
I glance down at the sachet but I don’t pick it.
“This drug…” I murmur. “It will be too strong for me.”
Elric stays silent.
Lifting my eyes I find his gaze on me. His unreadable expression is unsettling.
“Why are you quiet?”
He exhales then sits down slowly, dropping gently onto a chair.
“Your eyes,” he finally mentions.
I frown. “What about them?”
“They were blazing gold when I first walked in,” he says softly. “Nearly red.”
My shoulders stiffen. Red?
No, that doesn’t happen. Not to just anyone. I sit opposite him, “Elric… I’m a beta.”
“I know,” he replies with a nod but he doesn't change his strange expression.
My frown grows into a dark glare. “Then why say it like that?”
“Because no beta emits red fiery streaks in their eyes,” he says quietly. “Ruel… your eyes were almost completely red.”
“And so what? I’m now suddenly an alpha? Be reasonable Elric.”
He picks up the brown sachet again and this time presses it harder into my hand. “Take a little,” he says. “Just a pinch. It won’t be an overdose that way.”
I stare at the powder. My wolf is still locked away, but faintly I can feel him stir.
I tear a corner of the sachet open, wrinkling my nose when the bitter, medicinal smell hits me.
Elric watches me closely, like a mother ensuring her pup takes his medication. Now that I look closer, he does look worried.
I tip a tiny amount into my palm. It's barely a pinch y
et my throat tightens the moment the powder touches my tongue.
Elric exhales in relief.
But I don’t. Because even with the drug in my system, I can still feel Ira's warmth on my lips.