Chapter 149 Part 149
Asher
They were sitting at the kitchen table. Henri had been fed and was asleep again. Something had shifted between them. He knew he had to tell her the truth. It wasn’t fair to her to only know half the story.
“I think we should clear the air,” he said.
“About what?”
“I miss you, Emerson. I missed you the moment Mark’s car drove away. I opened your gift, and I tried to call you. You changed your number.”
“There was no reason to keep that number. It was just a reminder of my past,” she said.
“You haven’t come out and said it, so I will. The fact that I was mad at you didn’t change how I felt about you. It does scare me, the magnitude of my feelings. I don’t know how to accept the fact that you love me even after knowing the complete truth.”
“Seven months is a long time when you’re pregnant, but I’ve grown, Asher. I made peace with your rejection.”
Asher clenched his jaw. “I shouldn’t have told you to leave that day. I should’ve worked through it then, but I didn’t, and I can’t change it. I’m damaged, and maybe even, a little broken. I convinced myself that you deserved better, and that you were better off without me.”
Emerson gripped the cup in her hand tightly. “We’re all a little broken, Asher.”
“You deserve to be happy. You don’t need to be saddled up with someone like me.”
Something flashed in Emerson’s eyes, and Asher realized it too late. “You’re right. I don’t deserve that. I deserve someone that’s there for me, someone that loves me as much as I love him. I deserve someone that will work harder toward his goal to heal himself like I’ve done. I deserve to be seen, and I deserve to feel like I matter.”
“I agree with that. You deserve more.”
Emerson shook her head. “You don’t have to fight every battle alone. You have people who care about you, who want to help you. You’re Henri’s dad and that’s never going to change. I won’t keep him away from you, but I’m also not going to wait around forever. It’s time for you to really think long and hard about what you want. I don’t want you to say anything right now. You either love me, or you don’t, there is no middle ground, Asher. I need to move on with my life. Henri deserves to have the best mother that I can be. I can’t be that mother if I’m constantly sad about you.”
“Emerson—”
“I think it’s best if you leave now. You can’t be in my space the whole time. It’s too hard. We can alternate days where you take Henri, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to sleep over again.”
“I do love you, Emerson, but—”
“I’m tired of your excuses. If you’re too stupid to realize what you have in me, then it’s your loss. There are a lot of men out there that won’t care that Henri’s a package deal.”
“Men? You want to date other men?”
“We’re not in a relationship, Asher. We share a son. We haven’t been in a relationship for months. You don’t get to look at me like that. If you want to be miserable for the rest of your life, go right ahead. I refuse to be a victim, I choose to be happy. Please go now.”
Asher stared at her for a long time. She flinched away when he tried to take her hand. He sighed and got to his feet. “I’m sorry.”
She shook her head and when she looked up, he could see the tears in her eyes. “I hate your sorry.”
He clenched his jaw tightly. “I’m still sorry.”
“What the hell do you want, Asher? Can’t you just leave me alone?”
Emerson stood up from the table and pushed past him. He grabbed her arm, turned her around, and captured her mouth with his. His kiss was demanding, almost punishing.
Emerson broke the kiss off, and pushed him away. “I want you to leave.” Her voice was calm and steady.
“Fine, I’ll leave, but this is far from over. You and me? We’re far from over,” he said.
“We were over the day you asked me to leave,” she said sadly.
“You came back, Emerson. You said you still loved me, despite everything. I just told you that I love you back, and now you want to throw me out?”
“I don’t think I could ever stop loving you,” she said, and took a deep breath. “But loving you hurts.”
Asher took a step closer to her. Her hands landed on his chest, but she didn’t push him away. “Loving you kills me.”
Emerson huffed out a laugh. “I don’t know what to do, Asher. I’m tired of hurting, and I’m tired of hoping. I think I should move back to Minneapolis.”
Asher’s body stiffened. “No.”
She looked up at him. “No? You can’t tell me what to do.”
“I can and I will. You’re not leaving, and the only moving you’ll be doing is from this house, to our house on the ranch.”
She shook her head again and looked down. “I can’t—”
“If you hadn’t figured it out yet, that was me proposing. You’re not leaving me again.”
“You said you couldn’t give me what I needed,” she said softly.
“You deserve everything, and I can’t give you everything, I can just give you myself, and hope that’s enough. What you said to me last night…that scared the hell out of me. Cassidy came to the ranch because she was afraid of killing herself. I don’t want to live like that anymore. I don’t want to stand on the edge of the cliff anymore.”
Emerson’s gaze searched his eyes and for once he didn’t hide anything from her. He showed her his inner turmoil, his guilt, his rage, the pain, and the insecurity.
“Don’t let me fall, Emerson.”