29. Only a dream.

29. Only a dream.
The rest of the carriage ride was mercifully silent, if I didn't count the snoring of the two Sorrell men across from me. I could feel Lord Varnur's eyes upon me the entire time, but I had not the courage to meet his face again, never mind strike up any real conversation with him. When we arrived in the little town, I was the last one out of the carriage, and as I took Edward's hand I was overjoyed by the scent of the ocean as it wrapped around me. Unfortunately, the row of sandstone town houses were so high that I could not see the sea itself behind them, but I could feel it; and it felt freeing.

I spent the evening listening to Lord Varnur boast about the grandeur of his war ships, and couldn't help but internally muse as to why, when we are a nation at peace, the Duke would be willing to spend so much money on them. Yet, while the himself Duke seemed to be engrossed in the conversation and even Edward was mildly curious, Lord Varnur seemed somewhat bored. A boredom I felt in my very soul; therefore as soon as was politely possible I left the gentlemen to it and retired to my room. Of course Edward, had to escort me personally and I was forced to endure another one of his affectionate displays.

He was more hands on with me than usual, after congratulating himself on his generosity in bringing me along in the first place. If I did not know him better I would be forced to assume he was trying to manipulate me. But, in fairness there was nothing in which he had stated that was not true, so how could I offer him censure over it. In the end, I had to stop him before he lifted my skirts in the corridor, it was a most terrifying experience as he pressed me against the door and his hand grazed my outer thigh. But, I managed to stand firm and push him away despite my guilt over rejecting him once more. A guilt which he chivalrously did not try to increase, although I can read through his sighs of frustration; he did still let me go, kissed my hand and bid me good night.

How he frustrates me with his peculiar actions.

But, when I entered my room, the view from the window instantly soothed my soul. I could see the sea, and cracking the window meant I could even hear the crash of the waves as they rain down upon the course sand of the coast.

Finally, I felt at peace, and I slept well last night, soothed by the closeness of home.

-----

Now I am walking along the shore line, desperately wishing I could slip off my shoes and feel the sand between my toes. But, as I am engaged to Lord Edward Sorrel, the next Duke of Ernaska, such things just are not done, apparently. He made sure to remind me of the need to act with a decorum befitting his station.

Thus instead, I am forced to settle for a quiet solitary walk in the sunshine, a walk that has finally allowed me to escape the admiring attentions of my future husband and his glaring father, while they discuss their business and politics with Lord Varnur under their tented canopy overlooking the sea, where thefive ships in question are moored out in the bay. I must have walked about a mile, when I realise with relief that I am out of sight. For the first time since I agreed to this marriage I feel as if I can truly breathe. I keep on walking, enjoying the solitude and the scent on the air of the sea.

I belong here.

Further on I approach some rocks at the base of a cliff, and I am suddenly filled with childhood memories of my parents, scouring them at low tide for edible shellfish. A tear escapes my eyes as I think of them and before I know it, I have climbed up the barnacle covered sharp stones and over to the steep side that borders the swirling waves below. The fresh sea air, brings an alertness to my mind, and a peace in my soul I haven't felt in so long. Just watching the rise and fall of the sea's natural swell, fills me with a desire to be out there. The desire to let it pull me away is strong. Away from the strictures of my new position, the underhanded whispers of the men that roam everywhere in the Duke's vast castle. It is smothering me, and I find I am allowing more tears to fall at how trapped I have become. The longer I watch the sea, the more I feel pulled towards her, it forces me to close my eyes and steady myself while more tears slip silently down my face. Even though I feel as if I'm still swaying on my feet, back and forth in time with the waves, desperately trying to find the rhythm that has always settled and relaxed me while my skirts blow gently around me, brushing against my legs in the updraft.

Then I'm panicking, suddenly my foot has slipped on an errant piece of seaweed, and I'm falling. I'm full of fear, and utterly helpless, because with all the rigmarol I am now expected to wear, my skirts will weigh me down in no time. I will sink to the sea bed, never to be seen again.

Drowned for a second time.

But, I don't. There is something hard wrapped about my waist and holding me in place. Slowly opening my eyes and I see my saviour. Lord Varnur. His eyes are lit with concern as he studies my face.

"You must be careful Catherine, the sea can be a treacherous place," he states solemnly. "If you were to have hit your head on the way down, not even I could have saved you."

I find myself pushed to laugh, I'm not sure why, maybe it was because Lord Varnur's protective nature over me is so sudden and strange. I could almost imagine he intended to jump in after me should I have actually made it to the water. But, his unrelenting hold on my waist doesn't help me now either, I am held at an awkward angle over this precipice, completely at his mercy, and yet I have never felt more safe; nor more alive than I do in this moment.

He leaves me quite breathless.

"Thank you, Lord Varun," I offer, "I am quite aware of the treachery of the sea, which I am still dangling precariously over."

This seems to shock him slightly and he moves to lift me upright again.

"Forgive me," he simply states with a wry smile, "I was intrigued by you tears, and yet lost myself in your beauty. However, please do call me Caspian."

I blush at his words and find my legs wobbling slightly as he goes to let go of me. Again I blush when he comes to my rescue once more, moving me further back from the edge.

"Sit, please," he asks of me, laying his jacket out for my use. "Do not argue, it would be cruel of you to make me ruin my coat for nothing."

Tilting my head in study of him I smile and gently lower myself to his jacket, my legs dangling above the ocean's spray. When he sits beside me, I can feel the gentle heat radiating from his body, and I suddenly recognise the impropriety of this moment, and I wonder why I did not refuse to call him by his Christian name, before blushing at the fact I got his actual name wrong. Subconsciously I fiddle with my engagement ring, as his eyes study my face.

"Please, would you share with me what you were thinking that had you so upset?" He asks me gently.

I sigh, placing my hands behind my back to support myself, before looking into his warm grey eyes.

"I was lamenting my youth," I answer honestly, "And the freedom it allowed me. As you are aware, I grew up by the sea and I miss it. The mountains of Erneska are beautiful, but the coast is home. It brings my soul a sense of peace."

I am unsure of why I feel so compelled to talk to him, but there is just something about him that is soothing to be around.

"But, Lord Edward, stated you almost drowned as a child. I would have thought the sea would have the opposite affect on you now? Is that not why you left?" He asked me curiously.

I laughed, "Edward is a kind man, but he tends to think of my feelings as he wishes, as opposed to how I feel them. I left because my parents forced me to. There was an incident, I fell asleep in my little boat. It was Edward who happened upon me after I had awoken. It could have been any rogue or scoundrel and who knows what would have happened. But, when Edward offered to take me to his father's castle as his guest, my parents jumped at the chance to remove me from the ocean and hoped I would meet a suitable suitor. I traveled the following day, and Edward began trying to court me almost immediately after it seems. When my parents died not long ago in a fire, I recognised my vulnerability in the world. I needed a husband's name to protect me now that my father was no more, so I agreed to Edward's proposal; despite not being convinced personally that I am the right lady for the the task. But, this has been my first opportunity to return to the sea, so thank you, Lord Varnur. It means more to me than I can say." I answer him honestly, wondering why I am compelled to be so forthcoming with this man.

I thought back to the day I met Edward, not noticing the tension appearing on Caspian's... Lord Varnur's body. I found my hands on my lap once more as I traced where the rope burn once lay, recalling the strange emotions I woke up feeling.

"I had the strangest dream though," I added, still unsure why I was talking so freely with this man.

'Really?" He asked, his smile evident in his tone of voice, "May I enquire as to what this dream was?"

I smiled, looking up at him through my eyelashes, "I dreamt of a magical horse, he rose from the sea, scaring me before he chased me back to the shore," I paused, watching the shock appear on his face.

"He scared you?" Lord Varnur asked, his voice laced with disbelief and confusion.

"At first. But when I was on the shore again, he reappeared. He stood in the waves, the most magnificent animal I had ever seen," I blushed when Lord Varnur's smile widened at my words.

"Then what happened?" He pushed, daring me to proceed with my story.

I laughed at his eager display, silently wondering at how being around Edward is never this easy.

"Then I found myself gravitating towards the animal, my feet moved of their own accord and in a moment I was in front of him," I pause as my mind flits back to that moment, shaking my head as I remind myself it was only a dream. "Next, he turned into a man..." I state casually, attempting go hide how much the dream still affects me, "I did tell you it was strange."

But Lord Varnur stares so intently at me, his grey eyes are boring through me, begging for something any hint if a recognition that so far I have refused to admit.

"And tell me, Catherine," he pushes further, using my name in a most intimate fashion. "What did this man look like?"

The words from my dream fluttered through my head when he spoke my name 'A name fit for a Queen.' It causes an involuntary shiver to ripple through my body, despite the warmth of the day.

My eyes widen at his question as well, and my heart beats erratically in my chest, "I'm afraid I do not remember," I lie quietly, breaking eye contact and staring once more at the water, silently begging it to swallow me whole.

"Yes, you do," he grunts annoyed, his hand reaching for my chin and lifting my face to look into his eyes once more.

His shifting mood catches me off guard, and once again I am looking freely at him, his hand no longer needed to hold me in place "What does it matter? It was only a dream." I challenge him straight back.

His lips curve up into a smirk as he looks down on me.

"What if it wasn't a dream Catherine? Would it matter then?"