21. Master Plan.

21. Master Plan.
"I, I am sorry," the words fall easily from my lips, because they are the truth.

I was unaware of how much torment Lord Sorrell has been in. Maybe it is because he is of a class that has never had to guard one's ambitions or desires. Yes, maybe that is why his feelings for me have developed so strongly. For one who has never had to worry about being told no, my refusal of him may have hit harder than I could have ever comprehended possible.

But, even then it is of no matter for I simply am not fit to be his Duchess. There is no way around it, my present absent minded behaviour has only proven that. How could I have thought him so callous as to have abandoned me? Yet I defend him otherwise and class him as my friend. It makes no sense.

"I never intended to offend you, Lord Sorrell. I should have strived to be more eloquent in my answer. I was surprised and shocked, and because of that my manner has hurt you, and I am truly, deeply sorry." I offer as heart felt an apology as possible.

But, he only frowns, "And, what Miss Innes," he sneers my name coldly, "would you have said, if it were not for the sake of your shock?"

I look up at his reddened face, while he towers over me, noticing his handsome features are marred by his obvious rage.

"That while I am more than honoured by your proposal, I cannot accept because I am not worthy of you, My Lord."

I watch as his rage falters, confusion taking his place, but behind that there is more. Like he is secretly pleased by my response.

He let's out a long sigh before breaking our eye contact and standing up straight. He moves to right the chair he had knocked over before sitting back in it, all without one word of a response.

"I am so grateful for our friendship, but I fear it has grown too strong. I am nought but a farmer's daughter, and a partly crippled one at that. You are a future Duke, a man who will only be second to the King himself. Forming designs on one another past friendship will only lead to heart ache." I explain further, "How am I to cope when you come to your senses and cast me aside, I would be utterly broken hearted. It is too much to ask of me."

There are tears pricking behind my eyes, but I do not let them past. I have spoke only the truth, and I have nothing to fret over.

"Then, it is fortunate that I know how to act," Edward states coolly, his calm demeanour giving me cause for concern. "I will show you, Catherine. I will show you how to be a Duchess, we shall fool the world with all that you know. No one would suspect you to be a mere farmer's daughter. We have already started after all, you are becoming quite the accomplished pianist, and I shall arrange for lessons in other womanly arts as well. You already hold a conversation with a ready wit and charm, enough so that you have stolen my heart entirely. And I will keep asking for your hand, I will not give up on you. By doing this, I will prove my devotion to you, and in time I know, you will stop fearing my abandonment and my humiliation and allow us to be together."

I did not expect such a declaration. His face has relaxed as he comes up with his master plan, yet my stomach is in knots. For I have left the one main truth to my refusal out.

The truth being that, while I am very fond of him, I do not love Edward Sorrell.

I am consumed with dreams of another, a man with long dark hair, and strong muscular arms. A man who in my dreams, I always meet on the beach, beside my beloved sea.

A man who sometimes appears, rising from the waves as a horse.

-----

It has been almost a month and I am utterly exhausted. My life has taken the most unexpected of turns; in truth it is somewhat of a double life I seem to be leading.

My mornings are spent in the company of Edward, and his many instructions. Ellocution, which I am told as long as I remember to concentrate I can successfully pass as a lady of the realm. I am also being taught accomplishments, such as drawing and painting, which are frightfully dull, I just do not have the patience for them. There is also, now flute and harp lessons as well as my piano lessons, I am to spend an hour a day practicing my needlework, to enhance my stitching, and then there are my dancing lessons, where Edward personally leads me through each step, though I do believe it would be easier with music as well as other dancers.

He seems to be overly fond of dances where we are held together to perform the steps, and I do fear one of these days he will end up with a broken foot from being constantly trod on.

Thankfully my mother taught me to read and write well enough, that I am now spared these lessons, and I do know how to count quite well with ease too. Though, I swear he plans to teach me latin at some point, a time which I am looking forward to with great dread.

Then, after lunch each day Edward leaves to do business in the local town, and to collect his letters. At which point I am able to build upon my friendship with Kaleisha. It turns out it was she who sent me the letters of friendship and advice, and now we have become quite close. She gives me useful tips on my embroidery and told me to focus more on my harp and piano lessons as opposed to my flute ones. As most refined ladies do not play wind instruments for fear of a heaving bosom.

I can only suspect that Edward wishes for me to have more accomplishments than is normal, to make up for the conditions of my birth and prove the loyalty to his professed devotion to me.

Anyway, I have come to enjoy my afternoons in her garden, she often sings and tells me of the beauty of her homeland. An island, surrounded on all sides by a sea so blue, it looks like forget me nots turned into a crystalline liquid. A sea with fish of such wondrous shapes and colours I truly believe the ones I have been enamoured with all my life must be quite dull in comparison. She sings of greens so vibrant and weather so warm, one never needs to wrap up in wool again.

It sounds so wondrous, however I can't help but feel the pang in my own heart at being away from the water of my home.

This morning though, I have a reprieve. Edward has been called away, and I have been left to my own devices. And though I am not brave enough to venture outside to any garden but Kaleisha's on my own, I do enjoy exploring the inner tunnels and caves of the fortress.

Especially the one which leads to the library.

Author's Note: At last... its here. Sorry about the delay, winter illnesses are not fun. Hopefully I'll have more a lot sooner for you