Chapter 30 — Misunderstood

Aurelius repeatedly called out my name, the winter wind carrying it away as it barely reached my ear. My legs swiftly lead me to a place unknown as long as the distance between me and the cafe grows wider with each passing second. Despite the deed being close to sin, I didn’t feel any remorse or something akin to guilt. Instead of crying out for forgiveness, I found myself laughing quietly. Probably resembling an insane patient at the local mental institution to outsiders.

“Alex, please stop!” A set of loud footsteps hitting the pavement suddenly invaded my ears as warm fingers latched themselves to my wrist, halting me. I took in a deep breath before spinning around to face him with the most composed expression I could muster.

“What?" I echoed when he didn't utter a word, a smile making its way on my lips. “You’ve been calling my name for the last minute yet you don’t say anything. Speak.”

“What you did…” he trailed off, clearly trying to convince himself that whatever happened a few moments ago was not caused by me. However, the truth was laid bare before him, there was no use for me to hide it. “Why did you do it? That was quite—”

“Mean? Well, I guess you could say that…” Meeting anywhere else besides his eyes, I opted for the snow tainted ground. “But shouldn’t she be in the wrong as well? Flaunting around with a big smile on her face, acting so innocent when she stole Desmond from me. Shouldn’t she be the villain here?”

Aurelius’ face twisted in disbelief at what he just heard. “Do you even hear yourself talk? And so what if she and Desmond are married? It isn’t her fault that her husband left you—”

Red painted over my eyes, soul screaming within that it was almost too painful to bear. I suddenly wished my ears were deceiving me. “Then who is to blame? Me?” An accusing finger pointed at my own heart, I winced. “Is it my fault? Why? Is it because I’m not good enough for him? Is that why he left me without any notice?”

“Alex, I didn’t mean it that way—”

“Don’t I deserve an explanation?” I whispered as I came closer to him, in fear that the wind would take my words to someone else. “Don’t I deserve an answer as to why he left me for her? Where did I go wrong, what I lack… shouldn’t he tell me so my heart could rest easy?”

“You do deserve one,” he responded. “Yet, that doesn’t mean Karen needs to pay for the consequences Mr. Cole has yet to face.”

“Karen?”

Oh? He’s on a first-name basis with her now?

“She… doesn’t seem the type to ruin people’s relationships. I suspect that Mr. Cole hasn’t told her about—”

“You know nothing, Aurelius.” I gritted my teeth, fists curled up in anger. “That woman is clearly the cause of this all. Do you even know she’s sick? She must’ve used that to her advantage into seducing that moron…” Words trailing off at how he kept shaking his head, I frowned.

“Alex, no matter how hard I try, I just can’t see Mrs. Cole using whatever her sickness is to convince your ex-boyfriend to break up with you.”

“Keep defending her like that and I might just never talk to you again.” The green-eyed monster within me was lashing out, demanding as to why Aurelius isn’t taking our side.

“What? You’ll stop talking to me… over this?” He groaned, exhausted. “I get that you want me to take your side, but I have to be rational here. I-I don’t want you to keep hurting yourself with thoughts of not being enough for Mr. Cole.”

I couldn’t help but bark out a laugh. “Yes, I would stop talking to you over this. I am that petty!"

“Why are you even doing this when it won’t matter at the end of the day? He doesn’t love you anymore, accept it.”

His words rang with the harsh truth, yet the fact that Desmond left me to eat the dust was just too horrifying and it makes me want to skin him alive, burning him along with the promises he ever made. Promises that merely promise and they will always be words, never actions.

“I can’t.” I bluntly spat, facing him and looking into his sea-green eyes that were pleading for me to stop. But I couldn’t. “I don’t want to. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t love me anymore.”

“Then why are you doing this?”

“I don’t know... I just want to see him choke on his promises and realize how I’m better than his pathetic wife.”

“Then, if you think that you’re not good enough for Mr. Cole or any man in this world…” Inhaling sharply, he grabbed me by the shoulders and stated. “Be enough for me.”

Rendered silent by his words, Aurelius could only stare back at me as tears started to blur my vision, threatening to fall any minute. Even if they haven’t touched the floor, I could only wish these tears won’t be wasted on Desmond once more.

If only my eyes would stop shedding them after every single inconvenience in memory of my past lover.

Shaking my head, I pulled myself away from him and turned my back. “But I wouldn’t be. I fear… that once you see all of me, you’ll run away. You’ve probably never even experienced heartbreak or the constant worry of what you lacked. To see the real me is like hurting yourself.”

“I don’t mind, I really don’t…”

Silly Aurelius. Sweet and silly Aurelius.

I didn’t bother to reply or ask why. Tired of people saying they understand, however, in the end, they think they do but they actually don’t. We may all experience the same things, but we all act and react differently to the images we see. One may see a snake as a dangerous animal, but others may view it as another elegant reptile that wants to be left alone.

I just want to be understood.

And I’ll give him that chance.

“I want to go home.”

He smiles.

“All right.”

But if he does run away, then this was all for nothing and I was right all along. Love is a sacrifice, you shouldn't go swim in deep turbulent waters and expect not to drown.