Chapter 31: White Lies

If I were to go to church, which I don’t, I would be profusely sweating the moment I entered through the front door and be met with judging eyes staring down at me that belonged to the many saints I could not name. Grocery in hand, I swallowed hard as I pushed the door open and smiled. However, I would be more scared when my mother does it.

And she is doing it right now.

Fuck.

She’s not even a saint!

“What took you so long?” She inquired softly, a telltale sign that she is holding back her irritable side that will, later on, be unleashed unless my reply pleases her—which I doubt she would.

She’s a devil.

“There were a lot of people at the grocery store…” I drawled, pretending to sigh in exhaustion and massaging my arm after placing down the bags. “I also had a hard time getting a cab, it’s really the holiday season.”

Praying to whatever deity that could hear me at the moment, I hummed a soft tune as I took out all the stuff I was tasked to buy, making sure to seem relaxed. The worst-case scenario is if she notices how relaxed I am and might question what brought on this happy mood.

“Do you want me to start marinating this steak I got?” I inquired, still not meeting her eyes and having them stay glued to the fridge. I could hear her buzzing in thought from the living room couch, the bridges that were keeping back the angry tides were clearly holding on tightly. “I bought some spices and sauce along the way. Or would you rather I do it tomorrow?”

When Mom cleared her throat, I felt my whole body get stiff and found myself internally screaming to move. Like a deer caught in headlights, I rivaled a statue on the spot as Mom approached me with her hands folded across her chest, the bridge unable to hold back the raging waters.

I’m definitely, certainly fucked.

“Based on what I searched, it takes a few minutes to get here by taxi…” she began, her face seemed blank from emotion but her tone was saying something else. “You also said that there were a lot of people and that it was hard getting a taxi. However, there is no traffic. Alex, do explain what ate up your time.”

“Mom, it’s the holiday—”

“I know it is the holiday season, you don’t have to keep on repeating it as if I’m deaf. I’m not a senior citizen yet, Alex.” Her eyes were narrowed, lips downturned in displeasure, telling me to either shut up and listen.

Or accept the punishment for not listening.

“Okay…”

Shaking her head, Mom clicked her tongue multiple times. “Do you think you could fool me? Do you think I was born yesterday? You think I wouldn’t find out that you’re currently seeing someone?!” Palming her forehead as if the stress was now getting to her, Mom’s voice began to crack. “Is this how you repay me? After all those years of me taking care of you? I made you promise not to see anyone while you’re away from me since I’m scared you’ll commit the same mistake as I did.”

A mistake? Meeting my dad?

“Mistake?”

“Yes!” She confirmed with a hiss, eyebrows furrowed hard as if she saw a famous criminal on the streets. “If I never was curious, do you think I would be as miserable as I am today? Obviously not! My life began to fall into a state of misery ever since reality dawned upon me that day. Love never lasts, Alex. Once you put that into your mind, you won’t have any regrets.”

I couldn’t talk back, or even speak out my thoughts in fear of her getting agitated further. My mother’s hatred for my father was never sugarcoated, especially her view of men after her failed marriage.

As much as I want to understand her, I just couldn’t.

I couldn’t even tell her my sexuality, let alone tell her my opinions without her getting a stroke.

Just letting her vent out her frustration, I waited for her to be silent until I said the words she wanted to hear. To be appeased. Be worried free and satisfied, even by a lie.

“Mom, I’m sorry for lying… but I’m not seeing anyone, ever. I was just late because I had to stop by a cafe to get coffee. It was getting cold and I wanted to warm up. I’m sorry for worrying you.”

I don’t know why, but if I had known that she would grin and start giggling around, I cursed mentally on how I should have done this sooner. Yet, just because she seemed to buy the reasoning, for now, didn't mean she'd stop reminding me about it. If she kept reminding me back in high school, she would do it again and again.

Be a constant thorn on my side.

“Heed my words, my dear. It’s better off that way.” She sighs, grabbing the glass bowl to make the sauce for the steak. “You won’t get hurt with me around.”

» — ✣ — «

“How are you doing with the demon around?” Elise whispers, tucking back a stray hair before sipping the coffee I made her. She came over to deliver her Christmas gifts before departing for Spain where she’ll be spending time with the rest of the Salvadors while I’ll be stuck here with my mother. “When my mom said she’ll be seeing yours, I knew I had to see you right away.”

“I’m doing pretty well despite her being here, but why are you whispering?” I gave her a funny look, “She’s gone you know—”

She hushes me. “You never know if she ever installed any listening devices while you’re out—”

“Don’t be fucking silly!” Laughing lightly while half scared that she might have done that. “My mom is not a techy person.”

Shrugging it off, Elise continued to sip her coffee while her eyes wandered around to spot any cameras that may have been hidden. As she busied herself, I couldn’t help but notice how her complexion has become better and she’s indeed glowing. A sign that her husband and the Salvadors are treating her well unlike the time where she had to struggle to find a job and balancing her acting career.

“Alex, Aurelius is currently with Aiden as we speak.”

When she divulged that information out of nowhere, I didn’t seem surprised. In fact, with how talkative Aurelius is, he managed to keep the fact that I intentionally tried to burn Karen with caffeine.

If Elise finds out, I’m sure I’ll get another scolding.

“So?”

“So?” She echoed back, “Wouldn’t you two wanna meet up? Shouldn’t the holiday season bring romance in the air? Or is he still too dense—”

“Everything… seems to be going well,” I replied, stuffing my hands into the pockets of my pants. “We’re going at our own pace, no rushing. Just living in the moment.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

Elise laughs. “Nothing, I’m just surprised that you have finally decided to give him a chance and forget about Desmond.”

“Y-yeah…”

“Unlike your mom…” She shook her head and rested her chin above her propped hand. “I mean, at least your dad is decent. I can’t understand why she won’t let you see him.”

Elise, I can’t even move on without trying to sabotage Karen and Desmond’s marriage. I’m no better than my mother.

“You don’t have to worry about that though.”

Elise looked at me like I grew a second head, confused and intrigued at my statement. “Really? Why?”

“I’m… actually gonna try and visit my dad after New Year.”