Chapter 18 Trauma(Lotus)
Two weeks post-discharge,” Dr. Langston began, her voice like lavender tea. “You’ve made remarkable progress physically. But let’s talk emotionally. You’ve carried a lot of weight professionally, and personally. How are you really feeling about returning to work?”
Lotus sat cross-legged on the taupe couch, wrapped in a cozy beige oversized sweater, arms folded tight across her chest. The faint hum of a white noise machine mingled with the steady tick of a clock. She exhaled, breath shaky and shallow.
“I don’t want to go back,” she admitted. “Not to that job. Not to that building. Not to that man. I don’t think I can survive it again.”
Dr. Langston leaned forward. “You said your boss, Edd, was overbearing. Can we talk about that?”
Lotus looked out the window, her mind drifting to the weight she’d carried for years. At home, she had always been the one to shield her siblings, the one who stepped in against her stepfather’s storms. That same pattern followed her into her career.
“He’s a narcissist in a designer suit,” she said quietly. “Micromanaged everything I touched, took credit for my work, and smiled like he was doing me a favor. Even when I was home, recovering, he called every single day until I caved. I was supposed to be healing, but I was still workingpushing government contracts, drafting emails, making the calls that brought in millions. I helped establish that building, got it certified for federal funding, kept the whole machine running. When I stepped back, it took six people to cover what I did daily. Six. And yet” her voice cracked, heat rising in her chest“ And although I was overseeing all work and projects of all the managers I was getting paid average secretary salary.”
Her words hung in the room, heavy and raw.
"That sounds exhausting. And familiar."
Lotus flinched.
Dr. Langston waited.
"It’s like home," Lotus said quietly. "I spent years protecting my mom and my siblings from my stepdad. He was cruel. Manipulative. Said horrible things but never when anyone else was around. I was the only one who ever fought back."
Her voice cracked.
"I used to take pictures of the bruises on my little brother. Hide the evidence. Wait until I had enough to report him. And when he finally went too far almost killed my brother I called the cops and handed them everything."
"You saved your family," Dr. Langston said.
"And now... I'm tired of saving people."
They sat in silence, weighted but not heavy.
Lotus's mind wandered back to the hospital room, where she had a vivid dream. In the dream, she was connected to tubes, but instead of receiving blood, she gave it. Her blood flowed out to everyone in her family and even to her boss, Edd. She watched as they all took from her, leaving her drained and lifeless. When she woke up, the realization hit her hard, she had never done anything for herself. She had been too over-responsible, always putting others' needs before her own.
"I adopted a dog," Lotus finally added. "A mutt. Brown short hair named Miracle. He’s skittish but loyal. And I got an orange cat too. Cornbread. He’s rude as hell. They’re helping."
Dr. Langston smiled. "Emotional support animals are powerful companions."
Cornbread acts like a fat little princess one who’s been kind enough to show me exactly how she expects to be cared for. She only gives me affection when I’m doing something that makes her comfortable fresh blanket, quiet room, full bowl. She loves her sleep more than most people love attention. Every nap is her royal decree.
Miracle, on the other hand, is pure sunshine. He’s just happy to be alive. He finds joy in the smallest things a snack, a pat on the head, the sound of my footsteps. He lights up just seeing me, like I’m his favorite part of the world.
Together, they’re teaching me what boundaries look like.
Cornbread rests when she wants. Miracle asks when he needs something. No guilt. No overthinking. Just honest needs and the freedom to honor them.
Dr. Langston nodded. "So what do you need, Lotus?"
She paused.
"To live. Not survive. Just... live fully ."