Chapter 17 The Breakdown (Lotus)
She looked at him again her baby brother and something in her chest just cracked open.
And right then, she made a quiet promise to herself: No matter what, she will always protect him.
She pulled the foil off the plate, that heat rising up with the smell of Grandma’s soul food — smothered chicken, greens, and cornbread holding the kind of peace therapy couldn’t bottle. She sat at the table, and her brother slid in next to her with his own plate and a little beat-up notebook.
He looked her sighing serious, like he had a mission.
“I ain’t really eat earlier,” he started, flipping a page. “Everybody had something for me to tell you when you woke up, so I wrote it down.”
He started reading like he was hosting the neighborhood news.
“Grandma said when you feel better, go over them insurance papers with her. Ms. Lorette down the street said can you help her granddaughter with them college apps. Cousin Mury said to call his girl ‘cause he ain’t listen to your advice and now she ghosted him but he been at church all week so he trying to redeem himself. Oh, and some white Jewish dude named Edd came by with flowers and a tote full of folders. Said he from your job.”
Lotus rolled her eyes. “My boss got some damn nerve bringing work to my doorstep. He lucky I can’t walk straight yet.”
Her brother chuckled, sliding a stack of cards across the table. “That’s it. These from folks who stopped by.”
“Thanks, messenger boy.”
He smirked. “Cool, ‘cause now I’m switching hats time for me to be a counselor.”
Lotus raised an eyebrow. “Boy, what?”
“I’m serious!” He straightened up, tryna look professional. “You forgot I go to that after-school mental-health program, right? We got that youth group where they be talking about trauma and self-care and all that. Plus I listen to therapy podcasts now. So I’m practically certified.”
She laughed into her greens. “Not you tryna diagnose me with a plate of mac and cheese in your hand.”
He ignored her. “Let me start with this though… how you really feeling?”
Lotus paused. She wasn’t ready for that question.
“I think… A flash back of moments of what she remember from the accident the headlight and sound of the cars collision together….then she zone out….. I don’t know,” she said, eyes on her plate. “It’s like… too much. I don’t even feel like the same person since the accident.”
“What you mean you don’t know?” he pressed, gentle but firm.
Her brain started spinning. Emotions crashing like bad weather — panic, anger, guilt, sadness, emptiness — all at once.
She tried to breathe, but it felt like she was choking on air.
Next thing she knew, her eyes burned hot.
Then one tear slipped. Then another.
It hit her all at once — her first real breakdown — and she didn’t even see it coming.
Her brother dropped his fork and pulled her close.
“Hey, hey, it’s alright, Lo. Breathe, sis. In… out. You ain’t gotta hold it all together right now.”
His arms were small, but the comfort felt bigger than anything she’d felt in weeks.
“You been strong for everybody so long,” he said, voice low. “You forgot you human.”
She cried harder, the kind of cry that sound like years of pretending you fine.
When she finally quieted, he said softly, “You know what I learned in group? Our coach said being everything for everybody else don’t count if you ain’t showing up for yourself. People-pleasers be out here betraying themselves and calling it love.”
He looked at her dead in her face. “It’s time to choose you, sis. For real.”
Lotus sat there in silence, the words sinking in like medicine she didn’t know she needed.
When her emotion finally got still, she wiped her eyes, picked up her phone, and opened the doctor’s referral note.
Tomorrow morning, she was calling that counselor.
Not for nobody else this time.
For her.