Chapter 25 Going on
Maya's POV
The hallway hadn't changed.
Same lockers, same fluorescent lights, same smell of cheap perfume and anxiety, but everything felt different. I didn't feel like I belonged here.
I walked with my head held high and Papa's words were still echoing in my ears. Stars shine, you go in there looking like a star.
I didn't feel like a star, I felt like a girl who hadn't slept. Who had spent the night in a hospital chair, watching her father breathe.
But I held my head up anyway.
Here we go.
I waited for the whispers, the stares, the pointed fingers.
There she is.
Did you see the videos?
She's such a…
"Hey, Maya!"
I froze.
A girl from my English class smiled at me as she passed. She actually smiled.
"Morning," another one said.
Someone else, a boy I'd never spoken to, nodded at me. "Love your jacket."
What?
I kept walking, more nods, more smiles, more hey, Mayas and love your hair and are you okay? like we'd been friends for years.
My hair?
My hair that I didn't comb?
My hair that's been in the same ponytail for twenty-four hours because my father collapsed and I forgot what a brush looks like?
People are complimenting my hair?
A girl touched my arm, like we were close.
I flinched.
"That was so brave," she whispered. "What he did for you, at the rink."
She walked away before I could respond.
The rink.
Oh. Ohhh.
The realization hit me like a wave of ice water.
Justin on the ice, calling my name and then going on one knee.
The flowers, the kiss.
Everyone was watching and recording.
That was why people were being nice, not because they believed me or because the truth had come out or because they'd suddenly grown consciences overnight but because Justin Chamberlain, the coach, the former hockey star, the man who looked like he belonged on magazine covers, had claimed me in front of the whole school.
They're not being nice to Maya.
They're being nice to the coach's girlfriend.
I wanted to be grateful, but all I felt was a cold, heavy sickness settling into my stomach.
I should have felt relieved, instead, something cold settled in my chest.
They didn't believe in me, they believed in him and the only reason they're smiling at me now is because he put his lips on mine in a room full of cameras.
I wanted to scream but I just kept walking.
The classroom was half-full.
I slid into my usual seat, stared at the whiteboard but I wasn't seeing anything.
Then Rosie and Sally appeared at my desk like ghosts. They were both wearing too much lip gloss and their stupid smiles were too bright.
"Hey, Maya," Rosie said. "How are you?"
I didn't answer.
"We were so worried about you," Sally added. "With everything that happened…"
"Don't."
My voice came out cold and flat.
Rosie's smile faltered. "Maya…"
"Can you not just stand there and Maya me."
I turned to look at them. These girls who had been my friends, who had sat at my lunch table and had laughed at my jokes. And then, they had turned their backs the second I needed them most.
"You ignored me."
Rosie's face crumpled. "We didn't mean to…."
"You looked right through me, like I was invisible, like I was nothing."
"Maya, it was Sarah," Sally said quickly. "She said if we talked to you, she'd…"
"I don't care what Sarah said."
My voice was louder now and heads were beginning to turn. A few phones slid out of pockets.
"You were supposed to be my friends. You were supposed to be the ones who had my back, and the second things got hard, the second I needed someone, you evaporated."
Rosie's eyes were wet. "We're sorry…"
"Well, it's a little late for that."
I turned back to the whiteboard.
They stood there for a moment longer. I could feel them hovering, waiting for me to change my mind.
But I didn't. To hell with them. I can survive on my own without them.
After a while, they walked away.
My hands were shaking.
Good.
Let them hurt, let them feel what I felt.
The girl beside me turned in her seat. She had curly hair that she kept tucking behind her ear and glasses that were slightly too big for her face and a kind smile that looked like it had never been used on me before.
I'd seen her. In this class and in the hallway. She'd always been there, on the edges, waiting.
"Hey," she said quietly.
"Hey."
"I'm not going to pretend I know what you're going through." She paused. Her fingers twisted around a strand of her hair. "But I wanted to say… way to go."
"Way to go?"
"You know, for not transferring, for showing up and for telling those clowns off." She tilted her head toward where Rosie and Sally had been standing. "That took guts."
I didn't know what to say.
"You probably don't remember me," she said. "I'm Emma, we have history together and English. And…"
"I remember you."
She blinked. "You do?"
"You're the one who always has the answers. Mr. Henderson never calls on you because he knows you'll be right."
A slow smile spread across her face. "Wow. You actually noticed."
I noticed.
I just never said anything, because I was too busy being popular, too busy being Sarah's friend and too busy being someone I'm not sure I ever wanted to be.
"I've been trying to be your friend for a while," Emma admitted. "But you never looked my way, you were always with Sarah or the cheer girls."
She wasn't accusing me. She was just stating a fact.
"I'm sorry," I said.
And I meant it.
"It's okay." She shrugged. "I'm patient."
"Emma?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you. For saying something, when you didn't have to."
She smiled. "Someone should have said something sooner."
The bell rang too fast.
I gathered my things and walked into the hallway.
Fuck.
The cheerleading team was standing in front of me. All of them.
Brittany at the front, her arms crossed and her face looked like it was carved from stone. The other girls fanned out behind her like a wall of red and white. Some looked angry, some looked nervous and a few wouldn't meet my eyes.
The hallway around us went quiet. People stopped walking, stopped talking and phones rose like a wave.
Here we go. This is it.
They're going to finish what Sarah started, right here, right now and in front of everyone.
And Justin isn't here.
Papa is in a hospital bed.
This time… It's just me.
Brittany took a step forward.
Her eyes were cold. Now was it? I couldn't even tell.
What do they want?
An apology? A confession? My blood?
She opened her mouth.
I held my breath.
Uh oh.
Who's going to save me from them? What do they even want?
I straightened my shoulders.
Whatever this was…I wasn’t running.