Chapter 17 Don't belong
Maya's POV
I stared at my reflection and wondered what I was doing.
The girl in the mirror didn't look like me. Dark jeans, a simple black top and the fitted jacket from yesterday. My hair was down, falling in waves I'd spent forty-five minutes perfecting. A little mascara. A little lip gloss.
She looks like someone who belongs at a party. She looks like someone who belongs with him.
Too bad she's not real and she's just me pretending.
What do you wear to a party where your fake boyfriend, who kissed you in front of the entire school, might actually be someone else's real boyfriend?
I didn't have an answer.
I grabbed my phone.
Me: I changed my mind. I'm not going.
Three dots appeared, then disappeared and then appeared again.
Justin: I'm outside.
Of course he is.
I looked at the mirror one more time. The girl staring back at me looked scared. You survived Sarah, you survived the video, you can survive one party.
I grabbed my jacket and walked out the door.
Justin's car was idling at the curb.
He was leaning against the driver's side door, his arms crossed, looking up at my window like he'd been waiting there forever. He wasn't wearing his usual hoodie or the button-down from yesterday. He was in dark jeans, a fitted black sweater and sleeves pushed up to his elbows.
He looks like he's going somewhere important, like he belongs somewhere important and he certainly looks like he belongs to someone important.
Stop it, Maya.
"You came," he said, pushing off the car.
"You didn't give me a choice."
"I gave you a choice and I'm pretty sure you said okay."
"I changed my mind."
"And then you changed it back." He opened the passenger door. "Get in."
I got in. The car smelled like him. That clean soap smell. Something underneath, something warm and expensive and not like anything I owned.
He smells like money.
"So," I said, as he pulled away from the curb, "whose party is it?"
"Friend of mine, his name's Marcus. We played hockey together a few years back."
"Older?"
"Twenty-four. He owns a gym now." Justin glanced at me. "Don't worry, it's not going to be a frat party. Just some people, music, food."
Just some people who know each other and who belong.
And me.
I watched the streetlights pass. Orange glow after orange glow after orange glow.
What am I doing?
What am I walking into?
\---
The house was huge.
Not Sarah's-mansion huge. But different and older. Wood and stone and windows that glowed warm gold against the dark. Cars lined the street, nice cars, expensive cars.
This is not a high school party.
Justin parked, killed the engine and turned to look at me.
"You okay?"
No. I'm not okay. I'm wearing my armor jacket and my fighting jeans and I'm about to walk into a room full of strangers who probably all have law degrees and trust funds and I'm the daughter of a handyman who came to this country with nothing except a father who works too hard and a mother who isn't alive to see any of this.
"Yes," I said.
He looked at me for a long moment. Then he nodded.
"Let's go."
The front door opened before we knocked.
A guy stood there, tall, broad-shouldered, with a smile that stretched across his whole face. He pulled Justin into a hug immediately, the kind of hug that said they'd known each other forever.
"Chamberlain! Thought you were gonna flake."
"Marcus, this is Maya."
Marcus looked at me. His smile didn't waver, but something shifted in his eyes.
"So you're Maya." He held out his hand. "He's mentioned you."
He's mentioned me?
What did he say?
What does that mean?
"Nice to meet you," I said, because I didn't know what else to say.
Marcus stepped aside. "Come in. Everyone's in the back."
The house was even bigger inside. Hardwood floors, a kitchen with marble counters, a living room with couches that looked like they'd never been sat on. People everywhere, laughing, talking, holding drinks.
Everyone is older and beautiful and knows each other.
A girl walked past me in a dress that probably cost more than my papa's rent. A guy in a blazer held a glass of wine like he was born holding it and someone laughed loudly and everyone joined in.
I don't belong here.
Justin's hand found my lower back gently.
"Come on. I'll introduce you."
He introduced me to seven people in fifteen minutes.
I remembered zero names.
Liam?
Leo?
Someone with an L.
A blonde woman with perfect teeth asked me what my major was. I said I was still in high school, her smile flickered and then she turned to talk to someone else.
I don't belong here.
Why did he bring me here?
Justin was talking to Marcus now, something about hockey, about a game I'd never watched. His hands moved when he talked, the way they did when he was passionate about something.
He belongs here.
This is his world and I'm just visiting.
An hour passed.
I couldn't tell you how. I drifted from room to room, holding a glass of water nobody had offered me, smiling at people who didn't really see me.
Where is Justin?
I spotted him across the living room. He was laughing at something. His head was thrown back and his whole face was lit up.
He doesn't need me here.
Why did he bring me here?
I turned away and walked toward the kitchen. Maybe there was a corner somewhere that I could disappear until it was time to leave.
Then the front door opened.
I didn't think anything of it. More guests. More people who belonged.
Then the room shifted.
Conversations didn't stop, but they changed. People glanced toward the entrance. Someone said something low, another person shifted their weight.
What's happening?
A voice, male, quiet, meant for the person next to him: "Oh no."
Another voice: "Justin is not going to like this."
My stomach dropped and I turned.
She was standing in the doorway.
Tall, dark hair falling in waves over her shoulders. A red dress that hugged every curve and gold jewelry that caught the light. She was beautiful.
She's maybe twenty-two and she's maybe the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.
She's maybe…
Her eyes scanned the room and found Justin.
Then, before she moved, before she walked toward him, her eyes slid past him and landed on me.
And she smiled.
Not a friendly smile or a curious smile but something else. This smile was something else, like she knew who I was.
Then she looked away, like I was nothing.
A chill ran over me.
She walked toward Justin and people parted around her, not because they were scared, but because she moved like the world was supposed to part for her. Like she'd never been told no in her life.
Who is she?
Why is everyone looking at her like that?
Why did she smile at me like that?
Why is my heart pounding?
Justin didn't see her coming, his back was still turned and he was still talking to Marcus, still laughing and happy.
Turn around. Turn around, Justin.
Someone's coming for you.
She touched his arm and he turned. Her arms went around his neck before he could speak, her body pressed against his and her lips found his.
And she smiled at me before she did it.
Then she kissed him.
She's kissing him. She's KISSING him.
In front of everyone.
She knew I was watching, she wanted me to watch.
"Hi, baby." Her voice was warm and loving. "I've missed you, my love."
Baby? My love?
What is happening? Who is she to him?
What am I to him?
The room went silent.
Justin's hands were frozen at his sides. He wasn't hugging her back but he wasn't pushing her away either.
He's not pushing her away.
Why isn't he pushing her away?
The woman pulled back and smiled up at him. Her hand was still on his chest.
"I didn't know you were still coming to the party ," she said. "I would have come earlier."
Justin didn't respond to her, his eyes moved across the room, through the crowd and found mine.
And in them, was it guilt? Or panic? Something I couldn't name.
He knew. He knew she might be here and he brought me anyway.
Then the woman followed his gaze and her eyes landed on me again and she smiled. The same smile. The one that said I see you, I know why you're here.
She's looking at me like I'm a problem, like I'm something in her way, like I don't belong here.
She's right.
I was never supposed to be here.