Chapter 16 Feelings
Maya's POV
His face was inches from mine.
The crowd was screaming and people were chanting my name. Maya! Maya! Maya! It bounced off the ice, off the walls, off the ceiling.
But it all felt… far away. I couldn't hear any of it.
All I could hear was my own heart, thudding and pounding and trying to break out of my chest.
He's going to kiss me.
But he said little sister.
He said he sees me as a little sister.
So why is he looking at me like that?
His hand was on my waist and his other hand was cupping my face. His thumb was still brushing my cheek, slow and soft, like he had all the time in the world.
I can't breathe.
Fuck. Why can't I breathe?
Breathe, Maya. Breathe.
He leaned in slowly, like he was giving me time to pull away or…or he was asking permission without using words.
I should pull away. That's the sensible thing to do, right?
This is crazy. This is fake.
This is….
But I didn't pull away.
His lips brushed mine. Soft and brief and almost respectful.
He's kissing me in front of everyone.
He's actually kissing me.
The crowd lost their minds and were screaming and whistling. Someone behind me was actually sobbing.
I couldn't move. I couldn't think. I couldn't do anything except feel his lips on mine and wonder if I was dreaming.
Then, too soon, he pulled back.
His eyes opened. Blue-gray. Soft. Searching my face like he was looking for something.
Why would he do that? Why would he kiss me like that?
Was that for me… or for them?
Did he kiss me because he wanted to…or because it completed the performance?
Am I part of his plan?
If he sees me as a sister…
Does he not see that I'm on fire?
Does he not feel it?
His hand was still on my waist. His thumb was still on my cheek. I could feel every finger, every point of contact and every place where his skin touched mine.
I can't feel my legs.
I don't think I remember how to breathe.
How do you breathe?
Someone tell me how to breathe.
"You okay?" he murmured quietly. Only for me.
I stared at him.
His mouth was curved in that almost-smile. His eyes were warm and confident. Like he hadn't just shattered my entire world with one kiss.
You okay?
YOU OKAY?
I'm dying. I'm actually dying and you're asking if I'm okay?
"You're turning red," he said.
I'm turning red?
I'm on FIRE.
My entire face is probably the color of a tomato in a hockey rink in front of everyone.
Wonderful.
Someone behind me shouted: "GET A ROOM!"
The crowd laughed and Justin's smile widened.
And I…I stood there frozen and holding flowers and staring at him like he'd grown a second head.
He kissed me after calling me his little sister.
This was all very confusing but he didn’t look like someone who made mistakes.
The crowd started to disperse. Players clapped Justin on the back. Students filed out of the bleachers, still talking, still buzzing, still looking at me with something that wasn't hate anymore.
They're looking at me like I'm someone.
Not like I'm trash or a liar.
Justin's hand was still on my waist. He hadn't moved it, he didn't seem to want to.
Does he not notice?
Does he not notice that I can't breathe?
Does he not notice that every time he touches me, my brain stops working?
"We should get out of here," he said.
I nodded because I couldn't speak.
He guided me off the ice, past the players, past the students, past the bleachers where Luke was still sitting, his face pale and his eyes following me.
Good.
You should have believed me.
We walked through the rink doors into the hallway. The place was quiet now and empty.
Justin stopped and turned to face me.
"You're very quiet," he said.
I'm quiet because you just kissed me in front of the entire school and I don't know what to do with my face or my hands or my heart.
"I'm fine," I said. My voice came out squeaky.
He raised an eyebrow. "You're fine?"
"Totally fine."
"You look like you're about to faint again."
I let out a breath that didn’t feel like enough.
“You kissed me.”
Fuck. It came out before I could stop it. I didn't intend to be blunt.
“I did.”
Just that. No explanation or hesitation.
“You said…” I swallowed. “You said I was like a little sister.”
Something flickered in his eyes, there…then gone.
“I said a lot of things out there,” he replied.
That didn’t answer anything, it only made it worse.
“So which part was real?” I asked.
That landed. I saw it.
He stepped closer, not enough to trap me, just enough to shift the space between us.
“Does it matter?” he asked.
“Yes, I'd like to…..”
"There's a party tonight," he cut me short. "At a friend's place and you're coming with me."
I blinked. "A party?"
"Nothing crazy. Just some people, music, food." He shrugged. "I think we should celebrate."
Celebrate?
He wants to celebrate?
With me? Outside of school?
"I don't… I can't… I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I said immediately.
My brain was catching up fast now.
There would be crowds, his friends and more attention. More chances for things to go wrong.
"Come on." His grin widened. "Let's celebrate this win."
He wants to be seen with me outside of school at night.
What does that even mean? Does that mean something? Am I overthinking this?
I'm definitely overthinking this.
"I don't know," I said.
"Maya." His voice dropped. "Trust me."
Trust him?
He kissed me. He said he sees me as a sister and then he kissed me.
And now he wants me to meet his friends.
What is happening?
“If you disappear now,” he continued, “people will start talking again.”
I froze.
“They’ll say it was all for show,” he added. “That none of it meant anything.”
My stomach dropped, because he wasn’t wrong.
“But if you walk in with me tonight,” he said, “they won’t.”
Silence stretched between us. This isn’t just an invitation, it’s a move, a strategy and I’m part of it.
My grip tightened slightly around the flowers still in my arms.
“Why does it feel like I don’t have a choice?” I asked quietly.
His gaze held mine.
“You do.”
He paused for a second, then…
“Just not a good one.”
That sent something sharp down my spine.
"Okay," I heard myself say. "Okay. I'll go."
His smile widened brightly. Like I'd just given him something he wanted.
What am I doing?
What am I SAYING?
I just agreed to go to a party with him where there will be music and dancing and probably dim lighting and….
Stop it, Maya. STOP.
"We'll leave around eight," he said. "I'll pick you up."
I nodded. My throat was dry and my heart was pounding.
Eight tonight, with Justin.
At a party, where he might…
Stop. STOP.
What am I going to wear? What am I going to SAY? What if I make a fool of myself?
What if….
He sees you as a sister, remember?
This doesn't mean anything. This is just... celebrating.
Right?
My phone buzzed and I pulled it out.
It was an unknown Number: Nice performance, too bad it won't last.
My blood went cold.
Unknown Number: See you tonight, Maya. Hope you're ready.
Sarah. She was watching, she's always watching.
I typed back: Leave me alone.
The response came immediately.
Unknown Number: Oh, I'm just getting started.
I stared at the screen.
The flowers were still on my desk. Red roses, white lilies and very beautiful.
They felt like a warning now.
She's not done.
What is she planning? What is she going to do at the party? She's not part of his friends right? Or is she?
I looked out the window. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, everything looked normal.
But nothing was normal.
And tonight, at eight o'clock, I was walking into Sarah's territory again.
What am I doing?
What am I getting myself into?
My phone buzzed one more time.
Unknown Number: Tick tock.