Chapter 42 Chapter 42
Emily's POV
I stayed out longer than I needed to, because going back meant facing him. And I wasn’t ready for that, especially after the courtyard. I was still trying to convince myself that whatever was happening between us was circumstantial. I delayed my timing to face him, so I walked slower and I took unnecessary detours. I even sat on a bench outside the library for fifteen minutes pretending to reread notes I couldn’t process. But there was only so much you could avoid before it started to feel ridiculous. So I went back.
The apartment was quiet when I opened the door. The kind of quiet that immediately tells you someone is there, waiting. I stepped inside, closing the door behind me slowly, like that might somehow soften the moment. But it didn’t. He was in the lounge, leaning back against the counter, arms relaxed at his sides, like he hadn’t moved in a while, like he had been there long enough to think. He looked up when I entered.
Everything I had been trying to hold together all day shifted again. We were silent for a moment. The silence stretched between us, thick and heavy and full of everything we hadn’t said in the courtyard. Everything we hadn’t resolved still sat there just waiting.
I set my bag down on the chair by the door. I took off my jacket and hung it carefully. Anything to just delay everything, buying time and there wasn't enough time. There was nothing left to do except look at him. So I faced him. He was already looking at me, like he had been waiting for that moment.
“You went with him,” he said. It wasn't a question but a statement.
I held his gaze. “I’m allowed to.”
His jaw shifted slightly. “I didn’t say you weren’t.”
“Then why does it sound like you’re questioning it?” I asked.
“Because I am.”
“It’s none of your business,” I said.
“That’s not true.”
“It is.”
“It’s not.”
I exhaled slowly, forcing myself to remain steady. “You don’t get to dictate who I spend time with.”
“I’m not dictating anything.”
“Then what are you doing?” I asked.
He pushed off the counter and stepped closer. “I’m asking you not to pretend it doesn’t matter,” he said.
“I’m not pretending anything.”
“You are.”
“I’m not.”
“You are.”
We stood there, the same argument looping, but it didn’t feel repetitive. It felt like we were circling something neither of us had fully said yet. Something that was just beneath the surface, that didn’t need more words, just honesty.
“I went for a walk,” I said, quieter now. “That’s it.”
“With him.”
“Yes.”
“You looked comfortable.”
“I was.”
Watching him earlier, the way he looked at me like everything had already changed, just made the air around us thicker.
“You seemed… calm,” he said.
“I was.”
“That’s new.”
“Yes. He’s easy to talk to,” I added.
“I can see that.”
“He listens.”
“I do too.”
“That’s not the same.”
His eyes narrowed slightly. “How is it different?”
“It just is.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“It’s the only one I have.”
He stepped closer again, there was no distance left between us, but he still didn't touch me or reach for me. He didn't force anything. “I meant what I said,” he said quietly.
I looked at him. I wasn’t trying to find a way out of it or to control the outcome. “You said a lot of things,” I said.
“I meant all of them.”
“You don’t get to just say things like that.”
“Why not?” He asked.
“Because they have consequences.”
“I know.”
“Do you?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Yes.”
“Then why say them?”
“Because they’re true.”
My chest tightened enough to make it hard to breathe at the normal rate. “This isn’t simple,” I said.
“I know.”
“It’s not something I can just-”
“I’m not asking you to.”
“Then what are you asking?” I asked.
He didn’t answer right away. He was choosing his words, like he was being careful. “I’m asking you not to pretend you don’t feel it,” he said. That was the thing I had been avoiding all day, the one thing that I had been running away from.
“You’re asking me to risk everything,” I said.
“I’m asking you to be honest.”
“That’s not the same.”
“It is to me.”
“It’s not to me.”
“Then explain it.”
I couldn’t explain it in a way that would make sense. “My career depends on this,” I said instead.
“So does mine.”
“This is part of a deal.”
“I know.”
“It’s not real.”
He held my gaze, I didn't flinch. “That doesn’t make this fake.”
I exhaled slowly. I didn't deny it or push back. I just stood there. “You’re not stepping back,” I said quietly.
“No.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because I don’t want to.”
“You should.”
“I’m not going to.”
“You’re making this harder.”
“I know.”
“Then stop.”
“No.”
My breath caught slightly. “Why?”
“Because you matter.”
He said those words again. They felt grounded, like something he wasn’t going to take back, like it was something he had already decided. I didn’t want him to take it back.
“You’re not making this easy,” I said.
“I’m not trying to.”
“That’s the problem.”
“Or maybe it’s the point.”
The tension wasn’t about resisting. It wasn’t about fighting or about pushing each other away. It was about understanding. “This changes things,” I said.
“I know.”
“It complicates everything.”
“I know.”
“It makes it harder.”
“I know.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“Yes.” There was no hesitation.
“I don’t know what this is,” I said.
“Neither do I.”
“And you’re fine with that?”
“For now.”
“For now.” I repeated.
We stood there for a moment longer, neither of us even attempting to move. For the very first time, I didn't feel like I should run away and hide but I really wanted to see what this could be and where we would go from here.