35. Jasper

35. Jasper
I thought we were leaving his parents, I didn't expect his mom to have the ability to stir his decision. But I couldn't say no to him. He was right, we've only been together for a couple of weeks and he needed stability for Tara.

Aside from him loving me, his family and Tara all are permanent fixtures of himself. While I was the new addition, hell, I don't even know if we would last. I guess, rationally he's right. Anything can happen, I don't necessarily have to like it but it's a reasonable decision.

My chest hurts the moment I wake up in the morning knowing I was starting the day and going to work from his parents. We started the day with our breakfast, afterward, I kissed Tara and Jasper goodbye, then parted for our office day, separately. I took his car since mine was still at his apartment and Jasper went with his family driver.

When I reached the office all the familiar feelings came back to me. It was a nice and cozy feeling, but somehow that day I was not feeling it. I wanted to talk to Jacqueline but she had been busy lately and somehow with everything that's going on I felt so lonely.

Kamaria greeted and checked in with me, making sure that I was okay with my desk job, then we talked a little bit about me and Jasper.

"I'm glad you've found each other, Benji. and I'm glad you decided to stay."  My boss was aware that he was going back to his parents, she said that he had been with the company for a while. Kamaria was briefed with his reasons to leave the company and she was supportive of his decision.

Hours rolled by and I missed Tara already, I called Peggy at lunchtime and talked to Tara for a bit. She mostly ignore me but she would giggle from time to time and I was okay with that.

"How are you?" Peggy asked from the other line.

"I'm okay, I missed Tara. Oh, Peggy, I don't know how to do this..." my mind was back to thinking what he said about us. That we were still new, not wanting me to be burden with Tara. While in reality, I love the kid, I'd do anything for her if he lets me.

"He loves you, Benji. I'm sure everything will fall into place in time, you just have to be patient."

"This is like he's sending me away from her, I know it's stupid but I wish we'd go back to our place and everything will be just like before."

Our place. Do you mean his place?

My mind was thinking too far ahead and I had to remind myself that Jasper was right, that we're still new at this. I need to take a step back and let him do his thing. I ended our call and go to the pantry to have the lunch that Peggy packed for me this morning.

"Benji?"

"Gene? Oh, hey, how are you?" The man looked better, seemed happier, maybe things were good with his wife again.

"I'm good, but eh...you seemed upset? I thought you were still working behind the desk. Or are you not happy with that?" His tone was teasing while he wiggle his eyebrows mocking me, yup. The once who loves me bodyguard seemed to have fallen out of love with me and traveled his way to a friend who teased territory.

"Why are you happy? where's the moody bodyguard that I used to know?" Gene took a seat in front of me after taking his protein shake from the fridge, and before he answers my question I blurted my words some more. "And it's lunchtime, do you even eat solid food?"

The man laughed, his shoulder shook, and his face...he looked happy. "Okay, dude, you're scaring me. I'm not used to seeing so much happiness from your face." His crunchy laughter ping-ponged between the pantry walls and he told me that he is. "I'm happy, I think, I met this guy,"

"Uh-huh, so much for loving me huh?" I decided to tease him back, definitely liking the mood.

"Damn Benji, a man can only take so much rejection from you. But seriously, I think he's the one."

I chuckled and told him that I'm happy for him. "I'm happy for you, you and..."

"Sebastian."

"Sounds hot," I winked at him, "And here I thought you're getting back to your wife."

"Yeah, she cheated on me, so..." he shrugged, and I didn't push further. I'm just glad you're happy, Gene."

"Thanks, so, what's up with you and your legal guy?" 

"It's complicated, his family and stuff, I wish it can be just us." I sighed and he put his hand on my shoulder, silently giving me the support that I need and at that time I hated that I had been a jerk to Gene. But knowing that he's happy now, made me feel a lot better.

Gene stayed until lunchtime is over and I get back to my desk and he was out the door for fieldwork.

After office hour, I went to Jasper's place, switched his car with mine then went to my place and Jacqueline's. Though I've basically moved out of Jacqueline's, she didn't change the lock and told me that I'm welcome anytime and that she wasn't going to look for a roommate.

So, as soon as I was settled back in my old room, I called Peggy and told her that I will be back a bit later and she didn't ask further and I was glad about it. 

I was stress cooking when Jasper called. "Ben, where are you?" Jasper asked in his deep manly voice, my inside longed for him already. "I'm at Jacqueline's," I replied knowing that he would think the worst. "I'm fine, I just needed to be in my element." I continue, not wanting him to worry about me.

We're still new, he said so already and I need to take a step back to really think about what I'm doing with him. We move too fucking fast and now when it all mattered he said otherwise, not wanting me to worry about Tara, distancing me from his life, his family, and it hurts my feelings.

"And when are you coming back?"

"Tomorrow, it's too late, I overslept," there I lied, I quickly wipe a rogue tear away though I know there's no one there to witness it.

"Are we okay?" he asked sounding unsure.

"We're good." We talked for a couple of minutes before he ended the call. My hands trembled then I put my phone down, my chest pained as I took a deep breath and cursed at myself.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stop dreaming Benjamin, he deserves better. Tara deserves better. His mom was right.

Pulling out the last batch of Tara's favorite chocolate cookies from the oven, I let them cool down while I took a quick shower, wanting to wash away my sudden sadness. I miss him, I can feel him slipping away already.

That night I couldn't sleep, I cried, dried my tears, and cry again, and dry them again. I was tossing and turning, feeling restless, and finally falls asleep hours later.

When morning came, I was groggy, my eyes were puffy. I groaned when I heard an incoming call. I peeked at my screen and saw that it was Jasper.

"Open up."

"Huh?" I looked at the clock. "It's six in the morning," I was feeling light-headed, dizzy, from the lack of sleep.

"I'm at Jacqueline's."

"Why?"

"Ben, just open the fucking door." Oh...uh...he sounded angry.

"You've been crying." He stated the second he walked into the apartment.

"I was upset, I'm better now." I lied.

"Why?"

"You said it, we're still new, and I..."

"I love you," he pulled me in his arms, his hand was to my back and his other one holds the back of my head. "I don't want to burden you with my life, I care about you, I don't want to weigh you down with my problems."

"But I want your problems, I love you too! I love Tara, look at these cookies!" I snapped, backing away, showing him the jars of cookies I'd made that late afternoon until evening came.

My vision was blurry and I hate myself for being so emotional. I've spent the whole night thinking about us, and I needed to explain myself to him, but he cradle my face and latches his lips to mine. I felt the intensity of his kiss, his hold on me was tight, and he was making me walk back to my bedroom.

Jasper started stripping my clothes off and he did the same and he lay back to the bed taking me on top of him. There was nothing gentle about our kiss, it was needy, urgent, and full of fiery passion up until he whispered in my ear. "I need you to fuck me."

He startled me, he never gives any indication that he wants to bottom, "Not unless if you don't top, that's okay, shit, I'm sorry I asked." Jasper was babbling, I could see a tint of pink on his chest quickly traveling up to his cheeks.

"I can top, but are you sure?" I asked, didn't want to risk what we have and what I'm currently feeling for him. I was still feeling like a mess, we should talk about stuff not fuck. But it's not like I can say no to him. 

"I'm sure, baby, please." And that's how I ended up between his legs, prepping him, teasing him with more lube, and finally stretching him.

Jasper whimpering under me was the sexiest thing I've ever seen, I don't top a lot, but seeing him vulnerable, legs parted, chest heaving made my heart swell. He knocked down my walls, again. Jasper wrapped his legs around my waist when I put a pillow under him for a better angle, and my name roll out of his tongue lowly when I thrust deeper and restrain his wrists on each side of his head. Our fingers entwined, our kiss deepened while my thrust gets deeper and harder.

"I coming, Ben, baby," I lowered my body flat to his, I felt his dick twitched from the friction between our belly while I kept on pushing in and out of him.

Harder. Deeper. In. Out. Over and over again. Until my balls churned and I was throbbing for release. "Come," I shook my head, telling him no. "I want you to climax from the friction alone," I move my body, creating more friction for his hard cock.

He was moaning, squirming, cursing until he shuddered, arched his back, and shoot his load between our belly. I followed seconds later and fill him with my cum.

Damn it, this is definitely not talking.