The first thing that hit me was the pounding in my skull. A slow, dull throb in my head that grew louder as I blinked my eyes open. Everything was blurry at first, the room spinning slightly. I groaned, pressing my palms into the mattress to steady myself.
Where was I?
I blinked again, trying to force my vision to clear. The faint light filtered through the blinds, casting long shadows across the room. I knew this place. It was my room. My bed. My sheets.
And then I felt it.. my skin against the sheets. Bare skin. My heart slammed against my chest as I slowly looked down at myself, realizing I was almost naked, the only thing left covering me was my underwear.
Oh my God.
I bolted upright, pulling the blanket over my body. That’s when I saw him—Caleb. His bare chest rising and falling as he lay beside me, eyes closed, his face peaceful in sleep.
Panic surged through me like a shockwave.
What the fuck happened?
Memories of the previous night came flooding back, hitting me like a freight train. The drinks. Me gulping lots of shots. The spinning room. Caleb helping me. And then… Oh God. The kiss. The heat. The way his lips felt on mine, the way my body responded, how I didn’t stop him when he pulled my dress down...
No, no, no.
I sat up, heart racing, staring at him, willing myself to understand how things had spiraled this far. As if sensing my movement, Caleb stirred. His eyes fluttered open, immediately registering where he was. And with whom.
There was a moment, maybe two seconds, where we just stared at each other. The air between us thick and suffocating.
“Sam...” Caleb’s voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper. His eyes widened, realizing the weight of the situation.
I couldn’t form words. My throat was dry, and my mind was scrambling to make sense of everything.
"What the fuck happened?" I managed to get out, my voice trembling as the reality of the night hit me all over again. I wanted to scream, to cry, to undo everything that had happened.
Caleb rubbed a hand over his face, sitting up slowly. He looked as lost as I felt, and for some reason, that made things worse. His mouth opened, but no sound came out at first. He seemed as confused as I was.
"We were drunk," he finally muttered, his voice low. "I... I didn't mean for this to happen."
Drunk. Right. That was supposed to be the excuse, wasn't it? The reason for everything. But it wasn’t enough. Not even close.
Tears stung my eyes, hot and unwanted. My throat tightened as I tried to choke them back. "I didn’t want this," I whispered, the words spilling out before I could stop them. "How could I let this happen? How could you let this happen?"
Caleb flinched, his expression shifting from guilt to something else—hurt, maybe. He ran his hand through his hair, his eyes not meeting mine. "We were both out of it, Sam. I didn’t take advantage of you. You... you didn’t stop me."
I stared at him, his words slicing through me like a knife. I didn’t stop him. No, I didn’t. I let him. I wanted him.
I hated myself for it.
"But you should have," I spat, my voice rising. "You should’ve stopped it! I was drunk. I wasn’t thinking. And now—" My voice cracked, and the tears that I had been holding back finally slipped free, burning down my cheeks. "I’ve sold myself for nothing."
Caleb’s face contorted in pain. He opened his mouth to say something, then shut it again. His jaw clenched, and I could see the guilt etched in his features.
"Sam, I’m sorry." His voice was quieter now, more gentle. "I... I didn’t mean for it to get this far. I should have stopped. You’re right."
My chest felt tight, my breath shallow. I couldn’t process this. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that it happened, that I let it happen. What did this mean for me? For us?
The silence stretched between us, uncomfortable and suffocating. I could feel his presence, too close, too heavy. I wanted him gone. Needed him gone.
"We agree it was a mistake," Caleb said finally, his voice steady, though his eyes showed the tension brewing inside him. "We... we shouldn’t have done it."
A mistake. That’s what it was. A horrible, alcohol-fueled mistake.
I nodded, not trusting my voice anymore. Caleb watched me for a moment longer, as if searching for something in my face, but I didn’t give him anything.
With a sigh, he stood, reaching for his clothes that were scattered on the floor. I looked away as he dressed, my stomach twisting. I didn’t want to look at him anymore, didn’t want to see the reminder of what had happened.
Once he was fully dressed, he paused by the door, his hand hovering on the knob. "Sam, I... I really am sorry."
I didn’t answer, my head throbbing, my heart heavy. I just wanted him to leave.
Caleb hesitated for a second, then opened the door and slipped out, leaving me alone with the mess we had made.
When the door clicked shut behind him, the tears flowed freely, and I let out a shaky breath, my hands trembling. My mind raced with thoughts I couldn’t control.. memories of last night, of the way I didn’t stop him, the way my body had responded to his touch.
How could I have done this? How could I have let myself get so lost, so stupid?
I buried my face in my hands, the guilt and shame crashing over me in waves. But beneath all of it, deep down, there was something else. Something that made me feel even worse.
It wasn’t just guilt.
It was desire. The memory of his hands on me, the way his lips felt against mine, the way I’d craved it... even now.
Fuck.