Never Easy

Noah's silence echoed in the room as loudly as my accusations had. But now that the flood gates were open, I couldn’t make the words stop even if I wanted to.

“You don’t get to ignore me because you are scared, Noah. Hell, I don’t even know why you were scared this time! You already took my virginity? What more could you possibly be worried about?” I asked him desperately.

“Taking advantage of you,” he said quietly. “Doing something against your will because you are so yo—” his words were cut off by my growl of fury, “inexperienced to know better. I am not a young man, Becca. We have over a decade between the two of us. It is not fair of me to be pushing you into a world you have barely just learned about. I saw the way your mother looked at me as if I was a dirty old man poaching her sweet innocent girl.”

I threw my hands in the air and let out a sound of soul-deep frustration. “You are soo… just… ugh! Noah! Yes, I didn’t know the first thing about BDSM. But I have to learn somewhere, right? I was hoping you would teach me, but that is obviously not an option. And I am starting to learn that it will NEVER be an option. Fine, but you could have had the balls to tell me yourself instead of just radio silence.”

His back stiffened at my insinuation that someone else would have to teach me. Rationally, I knew I had thrown that in just to hurt him. But I wasn’t about to apologize for it now. He covered his face again and growled but didn’t say anything.

“God! Have you always been such a… a … coward?!” I shot at him accusingly.

Noah’s eyes widened in shock, and if I hadn't been so angry, I might have laughed. “Coward?”

“Yes! A scared, little… COWARD!”

In a flash, Noah was off the bed and standing right in front of me once more. His eyes were burning with the need to stand up to the challenge I had issued to him.

“I am not a coward,” he growled at me.

“Really?” I demanded, then grabbed his arm and dragged him outside into the middle of the parking lot. “Then prove it.”

He blinked at me several times. “Excuse me?”

“Prove it. Right here, in front of Scott, the motel, and anyone else that could possibly see, prove it. Kiss me,” I told him. “Kiss me like you know you REALLY want to. Damn what everyone thinks.”

The emotions and the desire rushed over Noah’s face, and I could see how badly he wanted to do what I told him to. I could see the need, and it echoed my own. I begged him to do it, to grab me up and kiss me with all that was in him.

Instead, he stepped away and held his hands up as if he was afraid that I was going to jump on him and force the issue.

“I can’t, Becca. I’m sorry,” Noah stated quietly. “I’m sorry. You are just too… innocent, and I won’t be the one to take that away.”

While I waited for the pain of his words to pass, I stared down at his feet. I just couldn’t believe that he was still running away. After everything that had happened, he still didn't see or understand.

“Fine,” I began softly.

Tears sprung to my throat and clogged it for a moment, but I refused to give into them or even acknowledge them. I shoved them down and looked back at him. My pain was met with stony silence and only made it blossom threefold.

“Fine, Noah. I can’t do this anymore. I won’t chase you any longer. You want me out of your life? Then I’m gone,” I told him firmly. “You will never have to see me again, and since I will no longer be living with my parents, you won’t even have to worry about running into me. You can live your safe little life in your quiet house, and the biggest worry on your mind will be whether your client will accept your blueprints. I just hope it was worth what you had to give up.”

My declaration was met with the same stony silence as everything else, but I was beyond caring. I just wanted to get away from Noah, NOW.

I was almost in the car when I turned around, naïvely hoping that he would be coming to me to pick me up, kiss me and tell me he loved me more than anything.

But he just stared at me with his shoulders slightly hunched in defeat.

I just shook my head, sniffling a bit. “You know, Noah. I wish I could say I was strong enough for both of us. But I can’t and, for the first time, I don’t think I should have to be. I finally realize that I get a say in how people treat me, and I don’t need to let you do this to me. If you loved me the way I love you, you wouldn’t be doing this. But you don’t, and I deserve more than what you are offering me. It’s time that I go find it.”

I don’t know if he said anything after that. Even more, I was done listening. I slid into Scott’s car and told him to take me home, not even bothering to look back as my world faded into the distance.

“Are you okay?” Scott asked, reaching over and grabbing my hand.

I shook my head. “I don’t know if I will ever be okay. I just want to get away from here and figure out how to survive this.”

He squeezed my hand and gave it a brotherly pat. “You will, I promise. It is never easy breaking up with someone, and it’s twice as hard with this type of relationship. It requires a lot of trust from both parties and forms a deeper relationship. It’s always painful to leave that behind.”

I knew by the pain in his voice that he was speaking from experience. Somehow, I managed to voice the question that had been bugging me the most about them.

“Molly?”

He jumped so hard that he jerked the car to one side and had to correct himself before he could get it back under control.

“I… um… what do you—?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Scott. Molly refuses to talk about it, and you two have gone from smoking hot to as cold as ice within a few weeks. I know how to read between the lines, and I know that things have gotten screwed up. But take it from someone that had to walk away from someone she loves because he refused to man up. You don't want to let fear get in the way. People will think what they want to think, but those who love you and care about you, they’ll accept it,” I told him, then looked out the window as the streets passed by, wishing Noah could take the same advice.