Hard Decisions

To say that words failed me when Molly told me that Noah was out, would have been a vast understatement. Or maybe it wasn’t that words had failed me. Perhaps it was that there were so many words that went through my mind at once that I couldn’t hold onto a single thought. They just tumbled and jumbled and reformed, only to be twisted again.

As I sorted through them, trying to hold onto a single strand, Molly spoke as fast as she could, trying to comfort me and calm me. Her words were not making a dent in my mind, yet they did give me something to focus on.

I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths as I focused completely on Molly to get myself out of the slow, tumbling circus that I was in. Finally, my mind sharpened, and it all boiled down to one statement that I knew for sure I needed to discuss.

“Where is he?” I asked in a slow, quiet voice.

“Oh, god, Becca. I am so, so sorry. This is all so wrong, and I know it and—”

“Where is he, Molly?!” I cried.

Molly winced and fiddled with the bed covers for a moment before finally answering. “He’s staying at a hotel downtown.”

“Of course, he would be,” I snarled as I sprung from the bed.

“What are you doing?” Molly asked in shock.

I ransacked the pile of clothes that Molly had brought in for me until I was satisfied with what I was wearing.

“You’re gonna take me to see him,” I told her as I put my hair up in a simple ponytail.

I didn’t even want to know what I looked like and couldn’t bring myself to care. I’d had enough of trying to get that man’s attention, only for him to walk away as soon as things started to get difficult. 

This was the last, final, broken straw.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Molly said hesitantly.

My jaw dropped as I looked over at my best friend, trying to make sure this was the same woman who had helped me take Keith down.

I faced off with her and put my hands on my hips. “Why not?”

“Because you are kinda scaring me right now,” Molly admitted. “I don’t know who this woman is, and I’m not sure what she’s going to do.”

My lips curved into a smile, but it must have been a nasty one because the fear in Molly’s eyes grew instead of dissipated.

“Good. It’s about time that Noah had himself thrown off balance as well. Let’s see how he likes it when I’m not being sweet and submissive,” I replied.

In the end, it was Scott that drove me to see Noah at his hotel. I wasn’t sure why, but the way he and Molly acted towards each other was little more than icy. I desperately wanted to know the whole story behind it. But I only had enough energy for one love crisis at a time. Selfishly, mine came first. 

When Scott told her he would take me, Molly just agreed with a comment about having some important stuff to take care of as well. 

Scott and I exchanged questioning looks, but Molly left too fast for us to ask about anything. 

It didn't take long before Scott pulled up outside the small motel and to a door that stood partially open, as if the person inside was expecting company.

“That’s Noah. Leave the door open, so I can keep an eye on you,” Scott ordered me.

“You that worried about me?” I asked, a little shocked.

Scott gave me a slight smile. “Maybe I’m worried about him.”

My nasty smile returned, causing him to just shake his head at me. “Just leave the door open.”

I raised an eyebrow at his order but didn’t argue. If he thought Noah needed a chaperone, then I wasn’t going to persuade him otherwise.

I knocked on Noah’s door instead of just shoving it open as I wanted to. The control I had on my rage was fragile, and I was afraid if I let it off its leash, even slightly, that I would blow up and nothing would survive.

The man that opened the door was a side of Noah I had never seen. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days and had definitely not shaved. His hair was rumpled from all the times he had run his fingers through it, and I wasn’t sure if he had showered today or not. Suddenly, I felt as if I was too overdressed and prepared.

The minute his eyes fell on me, my traitorous heart skipped a beat. It screamed for him, pouted for his touch. The stupid thing begged to be in his arms and sweep all the pain away once more. My heart quickly forgave him for everything and wanted him close. But the rest of me was not so quick to forgive.

“Becca,” Noah stated in a hoarse voice. “What are you doing here?”

There was no joy at seeing me at his front door. Just a “how did you find me?” tone.

“Hello, Noah,” I replied, watching the shock ripple through him at my use of his given name.

I thrived on that shock. The opening salvo had been loosened, and Noah knew in an instant where he stood with me at that moment.

I couldn’t help noticing the pain that flickered through his eyes at that moment, but I had to ignore it. I couldn’t afford to let my guard down around him. I saw his jaw tense as he stared at me, trying to figure out what was going on. He noticed Scott in the car behind me, and I saw his shoulders sag, realizing how he had been found.

“What do you want, Becca?” he asked.

His tone, unlike his face, was emotionless. That bland tone was the final slice that cut the cord on my anger.

“What do I want?” I parroted in disbelief. “What do I want? I wanted my Dom. I want YOU, Noah. But apparently, you have ONCE AGAIN unanimously decided that I can’t have that.”

“Becca, you don’t know what you want. You are soo—”

“Don’t say young. Don’t you FUCKING say young,” I snarled at him.

Noah reeled back, and for the first time, I saw a flicker of true emotion in his eyes. “Watch your mouth, young lady!”

I took a step forward until we were nose to nose and looked him square in the eyes. “You don’t GET to tell me what I can and can’t do. I refuse to be your sub any longer. You made it very fucking clear when you refused to get back to me when I DESPERATELY needed you. I may not know much about this lifestyle, but I know that way is WRONG. A Dom does not abandon their sub. Beyond that, a real man does not leave a woman he professes to care for out in the cold wondering where he's gone.”

Noah took a step back and ran his fingers through his hair again, then sat down on the bed with his head in his hands. My heart was screaming at me to let go of my anger and go to him. I was shattering what we could have together. But I shushed that little voice, reminding it that he had already broken more promises and more trust than I had to give.