Twenty-Two: Chimia

Time passed like a blur after the baths, and the next thing I knew, Presta was helping me get ready for the ball.

I was actively avoiding Malfizan again, mostly because I was angry with myself. I knew in my head that it was illogical to trust him right now. Someone in Echelon was trying to send a very clear message not only about how powerful they were but also that they had intimate knowledge about me and the people close to me. They were able to come and go from The Palace at will.

And they would likely stop at nothing to achieve their goal, whatever it might be. Most likely keeping me off the throne.

And there I was, a child drawn like a moth to a flame to Malfizan's aura. It had been one thing to block him out when we were kids, but now that he was a God, he was nearly impossible to be around. It made no sense. Yes, everyone he met flirted with him. Yes, anyone in Echelon would dive to the bottom of all seven seas and back for a chance to sleep with him. But was everyone so out of control when he was near? Was I just this weak?

I was grateful he'd given me a chance to clear my head, but it had only been a brief reprieve. The tower still felt sinister to me, and there had been no word from Hades or any conclusion about Fen's death. I'd held the false funeral, tearfully given a quiet eulogy in front of Reus, Nero, and Presta, and then buried the fake version of my friend. I was beginning to grow numb to his loss, and my inability to give him a proper send-off did the angry work of burning my heartbreak alive.

All that was left in my heart was vengeance.

In the days leading up to the ball, I pushed Reus and Presta further away. I didn't want anyone to hurt them, too. I kept a watchful eye on my mother, just in case, but she seemed to be unraveling at her seams. She woke late in the day and appeared in court looking exhausted and disheveled. I could tell her powers weren't waning yet, because mine were not growing stronger, so it couldn't be that I was siphoning her energy. There was something darker, more sinister at play. I just needed to determine whether she'd stumbled upon it or was victim only to the consequences of her actions.

"You look like a Queen," Presta breathed. Her arms wrapped around my shoulders from behind, her chin burrowing into my shoulder as we stared at my reflection in the mirror. This gown was a traditional ballgown, a cream base dressed in sapphire blue and gold trim. Presta had pulled my hair back into a long braid and let my natural curls fall into frame around my face so my dress and tiara could take center stage. I turned my body at an angle, wondering who the woman in the mirror was. She looked vibrant, youthful, and regal. I felt none of those things; I had just lived several lifetimes over and was shaken to my absolute core. I was not ready to go and face my people. One of them was bound to be Fen's killer. How could I stare into all of their eyes? Speak to them, try to win them over, when I knew what at least one of them was capable of?

"I don't feel like one," I admitted, stepping down from the platform in my room and turning to look at my friend. Her big, playful eyes looked hurt and worried, and I couldn't figure out how to take her burdens and make them my own. I wanted her heart to be full and joyful, and I couldn't help but wonder whether it would be if she'd stayed home with her mother and brother in the ocean. Had I not dragged her out here to be with me.

As if she could read my mind, the Spanish girl grabbed hold of both my hands and pulled me to her, pressing her head against my chest. "You will," she insisted. "I must go and finish my work, but after the food is all done, I will change and join you. I can assist Nero in keeping an eye on your guests. He's even made me a disguise. And Reus will be with you every step of the way. And...well, I know you don't want to hear it, my love, but Malfizan is looking out for you, too."

"How can you know?" I pulled away from her as if her words burned me.

"I don't," she admitted, with a sigh, sitting down on the arm of the sofa behind her. Her eyes searched mine to see just how honest she could be with me. "There is no one in this world you can trust without any doubts, Chi. Not me. Not Reus. Not even you. The world is unpredictable, even for you. But Mal can be good for you." She tilted her head, her eyes following mine to make sure I was still paying attention. "He's powerful. He's smart when his head isn't getting in the way. And he cares about you, Alchimia. Even if you can not see it. You will need to relinquish some level of control if you hope to win here. You'll need allies. Mal is as good as any."

I trusted Presta with my life, but in that instant everything she said to me felt like propoganda. It irritated my senses and made me suddenly nervous, and untrusting. I even felt a little fatigued. With my lips pressed tightly together, I turned away from her and moved to grab my silk wrap to wrap around my shoulders. "Please let Reus know that I'm ready on your way out," I dismissed her. I felt her eyes lingering on me for a few seconds before she reluctantly left the room. The pressure in my core and hanging above my shoulders was immense. The tiara on my head suddenly felt silly, heavy, and dangerous.

I took a few steps toward my window. The open glass panes let a cool, whipping wind into the room, and I followed it outside to the balcony. There, at the edge of my world, I wondered what it would feel like to be Queen. Being a princess felt lonely, daunting, and nearly impossible. I'd been scared for my life a thousand times before, but now I felt closer to losing it than ever.

"Princess." Reus's voice came from just inside the door. I turned to look at him. There was no sign of his trepidation in his voice, written on his face, or betraying him in his body language. He looked every part the dutiful guard. But I knew him well enough to know that he was scared for me. And I was scared for him.

"I'm ready." I gave my old friend a gentle smile, but he did not return it. He held his arm out to me and I took it. We started together down to the lobby, which I'd helped my mother transform into a ballroom. It was the largest space in the entire tower with the easiest access to civilians. This made me apprehensive, but Nero had made it clear that, whether we tried to quell the crowds are not, Echelon was filled to the brim with curious visitors. The lobby would be safer than the ballroom, which was up on the third floor because we could fit more guards in there.

"You look ravishing," Reus whispered, his quiet proclamation ripping me from my thoughts of terror, for which I was grateful. "You're going to make an excellent Queen, Chi. And I want you to know..." His voice trailed off as some of the staff passed by us, then he pulled us into an alcove where we'd be at least partially shielded from sight in the shadows. Reus's deep, moody eyes locked with mine and I felt a familiar flutter arise in my belly. It was the remnants of a feeling from long ago, but I knew immediately it was just that: a reminder of what we'd once had, not a flicker of what was still there. It was disappointing because I knew who had filled that space. "I would like to stay by your side, after all of this is done, Alchimia. I want to continue to be in your guard." He grabbed my hands, and I backed away, panic hitting me in the face with immense force. "I don't want to return home when Presta does. I would like to serve you for the rest of my life."

"You won't have much of that left if you don't let go of her right now."

Reus dropped my hands and returned to his former state, rigid and unfeeling, as both of our eyes swiveled to look at Malfizan, seething in the hall.

My heart skipped a beat, and without thinking, I went to him.