Chapter Seventy

Chapter Seventy
Three days. 

That’s how long it had been since I asked Nelson for space. 

Three days of silence. Three days of unanswered calls, unread texts, and a quiet so loud it echoed through every room of my apartment.

I had needed it desperately and I was glad I asked for it. After what happened at the shop, after the shouting, the accusations, and the moment his anger turned physical, I had to step away to breathe. I had to remember who I was before the chaos and before he even walked into my life. 

Before Nelson, I was a gorgeous young hard-working lady who focused on her dreams and chased her goals while also raising her young daughter. I had a life before him and that was what I sought to live again.

I needed to evaluate the relationship and its worthiness. I couldn't be part of a connection that wrecked me while pretending that it served me.

But now, on the third night, I was curled up in my bed, wrapped in a blanket that smelled faintly of my cologne and I was missing him. 

This should be illegal. I didn't have the right to miss him, I wasn't supposed to, we were supposed to be apart for the time being and I was supposed to be engulfed deep in self-evaluation and healing.

I was breaking the terms of the agreement and that greatly displeased me.

I hated that I missed him.

I hated that despite everything, my heart still reached for him in the quiet moments. That I still replayed the way he used to hold me, the way he made Hayley laugh, the way he whispered my name like it was a prayer.

In the absence of his voice, his body, and love, I felt almost empty, and incomplete, only then did I realize how much power he wielded over me. He was literally occupying a large part of my heart and life, a very large one that I did not realize all this time. 

I stared at my phone, my thumb hovering over his contact. This had been my lot for days. Every part of me yearned for him, for his voice, his smile, and his touch. 

Just one message, I thought. One message just to say that I was okay and to see if he was okay too. 
But no, that one message would reek of lack of self-control, lack of commitment to my words, and desperation.

He was the one who offended me and I was the one who asked for the space. What would become of me if I reached out? 

He would only see the picture of a girl who didn't possess any atom of self-respect and boundaries and that would give him more future opportunities to leverage on my vulnerability and stupidity. 

And I wasn't going to let that happen. I wasn't going to let him see me in that light and so I didn’t send it.

Instead, I tucked the phone under a pillow and told myself I’d wait until the weekend. It was just less than three days from now and I would not pass out from waiting till then. 

If he reached out on or before the stipulated date, maybe we’d talk. If he didn’t, then maybe that was the answer for me. 

So peacefully, I shut out the thoughts of Nelson and channeled my energy into more productive ventures.

I reached out for a book or two from my bookshelves and flipped through the pages, before finally deciding on which I'd read.

When I'd done enough reading, I dressed up in my active wear and went for a long walk, thankfully Hayley was at my aunt’s and I could do my thing without worrying about her.

Saturday arrived with a soft breeze and the scent of rain lingering in the air. 

I spent the morning cleaning and doing the laundry, the afternoon baking some cookies which Hayley had asked for with the intention of surprising her with a plate of them when she returned tomorrow from her grandma’s, and then I spent the evening, resting in bed, while pretending I wasn’t checking my phone every five minutes for his calls or texts.

I rolled on the bed countless times, tugging at my duvet while watching Instagram reels that didn't have my whole attention. 

I was lovesick and yearned to speak with him, also the apartment was quiet and left me drowning in its silence; such a horrible combination if you asked me. 

When I got tired of staying in bed, I got up and walked to the kitchen to have some red wine for the evening. It was a bottle from Nelson’s which I'd brought home last weekend. I hated the memory of it but I couldn't hate the drink, it did nothing to me.

As I was just about to pour myself a glass of wine into the glass cup which I'd taken off the rack, I heard it.

A knock on my door. Soft at first, then firmer later. Then again.

I wasn't expecting anyone. Who was it? I thought, dropping my glass on the kitchen cabinet so that I could head for the door.

I took a glance at myself from head to toe and I looked like a hot mess. 

My hair looked like I just came out of a war room, my skin was dry as I hadn't applied lotion on it after I took my bath, my excuse being that I was home alone, and I needed some fresh air. On my body was a pair of baby pink pajamas which I contemplated changing but before I could take another step, the knock came again. 

I walked slowly to the living room, attempting to peep through the curtains to get a view of the individual but before I could do that, I heard his voice.

“May, it’s me.”

It was Nelson, the same person I was thinking about just a while ago, the same one I'd contemplated texting all because I missed him. He was here!

I hesitated, contemplating changing my clothes again, but I thought that would take a lot of time. I had a bad dressing habit that could keep me changing a hundred clothes until I could finally find the one I felt like wearing. 

“Please, just open the door,” he said. 

I was definitely going to unlock it, I was just not sure how he'd look at me. Anyway, he would understand. I was home and I wasn't supposed to be wearing office attire. 

Slowly, I unlocked the door, and there he was.

Nelson stood in the doorway, drenched from the drizzle, holding a bouquet of red roses. His eyes were tired, his shoulders tense, but the moment he saw me, his face lit up.

I stood there, hands folded, staring at him, as if expecting him to say a word or two.

“I couldn’t stay away,” he said, staring back at me with puppy eyes that made him look so innocent. 

But I didn’t speak or flinch. I couldn't believe that this was the same me who had to put my phone down so that I could avoid texting him; the same me who got restless thinking about him on my bed a few minutes ago. 

“I know I messed up,” he continued. “I know I hurt you and to be very honest, I wish it had never happened. I hate myself for it. I know you asked for space but the distance and silence are killing me. Please, babe, forgive me and I will make it up to you.”

I looked at the flowers, then at him.

“I needed time,” I said quietly.

“I know,” he replied. “And I tried to keep up with your request, I really did. But I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, and I was just left feeling like a shadow of myself. I was crumbling on the inside. I kept thinking about you. About us.”

I stepped aside, letting him in. He'd waited too long at the door, I didn't want to be any further hostile.

He walked in slowly, placing the roses on the table, then turned to me.

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I swear to you, May, I will never raise my voice at you again. I will never lay a hand on you. I will never let my insecurities take a toll on me and I will never hurt you. I promise to work on myself and I'm doing that already.”

I felt my throat tighten. One more word of apology from him and I could lose it. He seemed very genuine. He didn't just apologize because he had to or because he wanted to, he looked like he meant every single word he mentioned and that alone was enough to melt my iced heart. 

“I was scared; scared of losing you; scared of not being enough. But that’s no excuse. You deserve better. You deserve…”

But I interrupted him. “It's okay Nelson.” 

I looked at him, eyes searching.

And then he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me.

I didn’t move, I just stood transfixed in the spot, acting indifferent. 

And then, slowly, I melted into him, my heart overwhelmed by his gentle touch. 

I had missed this and I had missed him. I'd missed the way his arms felt like home, the way his heartbeat calmed mine, the way he whispered my name like it was the only thing that mattered in the world.

“I love you,” he said into my hair. “I love you so much.”

I closed my eyes tightly, deeply feeling the emotions from the moment.

“I love you too,” I whispered.

We sat on the couch, the roses between us, the silence no longer heavy but healing.

“I have something for you,” he said suddenly.

I raised an eyebrow, concerned about what it was that he had to give me aside from the flowers he already had.

“More flowers?”

He grinned, placing his hands on his lap. “Something better than flowers”

He stood, took my hand in his, and led me outside to his car.

He pressed a button on the remote and the trunk popped open, and I gasped.

Inside the trunk were boxes, neatly stacked and beautifully wrapped. Designer logos peeked through the ribbons - Gucci, Chanel, Versace, and Louboutin. There were shoes, bags, and clothes from these brands and I couldn't believe what I saw.

I looked at them, my eyes wide open in amazement. 

All these for me? Nelson!

I turned to him, too stunned to express myself. I was amazed he could source out these expensive items as an apology gift for me. 

“Nelson…”

“Yes babe, I wanted to remind you that you’re cherished. That you’re worth every good thing. That I see you, May. All of you.”

I felt tears sting my eyes.

“I don’t need all this,” I said.

“I know,” he replied. “But I wanted to give it anyway.”

I reached for the bouquet of roses, inhaling their scent.

And in that moment, I knew.

We were starting over, not perfectly, not easily, but together and that was all that mattered.

I moved closer to him, hugging and holding him tightly.

“You're such a darling,” I whispered.