Leap of Faith
Cadeon
I've been thinking nonstop about what she said about Golen killing someone.
I've never felt less in control of my pack until now. The truth is that I've never been in control; my father only made it seem that way so he could keep telling me what to do. There are times when I don't know why he retired when he clearly still wants to be in charge.
But that'll have to change.
I didn't want things to get to this point, but he left me with no options. Look at the people he's associating with—Golen is clearly a dangerous man. I'm relieved that Lilieth didn't make a sound or allow herself to be seen because then there'd be a problem.
When I get back, I'll make sure to change all this.
I'll take charge of the pack. I won't let my father control anything anymore.
I turn my head to look at Lilieth when I hear her enter the room. Our eyes meet for a moment before she sits on the couch, facing the fireplace. The rain hasn't stopped for a moment, meaning it's only getting colder. It's a small reassurance to me because whoever's out there looking for her is going to have to retreat. The paths are running with rainwater and mud. It's impossible to see much even from where I'm standing. I believe that at this point, the whole expedition went to shit.
It wasn't meant to rain this hard.
I should sit with her. Talk. I've even gotten to know her better than I could have imagined, and the longer I'm close to her, the more addicted I become. I can't imagine ever getting bored while she's around me, even if at times she'll grow really quiet, and I have no idea what she's thinking about.
Things between us are changing pretty fast, though. Whereas before, we couldn't exchange a single civil word, now we're having long conversations.
Being in this closed space with her is making me feel restless in a way I've never felt before.
Dammit, what the hell is wrong with me? I should go and make the most of this. Every time I'm around her, I have this urge to tell her how I really feel, but my fear of ruining this holds me back.
I don't want her to shut down when we still have two days to go. I'd rather keep my feelings to myself than risk that.
I sit beside her. Her eyes meet mine briefly as I sink into the old couch before she looks away. I stare at the fire, too, with my arm on the headrest, fingers nearly touching her hair.
I retract my hand, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. There is rarely silence between us, but when there is, it's long and uncertain.
What's she thinking right now? I'd give anything in the world to figure it out.
Lilieth steals a glance at me again. I see something in her eyes that sparks hope in me. Maybe I should make a move.
What am I waiting for?
"Tell me about your home," I say to her instead of telling her how I feel.
Her eyes light up, and I realize it was the right question. This isn't merely a strategy, though—I genuinely want to know more about her.
"I guess there's not much to tell," she begins, "I live with my mother, my brother Corey, and my sister Anice."
"Your father? If I may ask, of course."
She shrugs. "He died a long time ago. My sister Anice wasn't even born when it happened."
"You don't remember what he looked like?"
She shakes her head. "No. I was only a year old. Corey was two. We were too young to remember."
"I'm sorry about that."
"It's something I got used to," she claims. "You can't really miss something you've never had. Plus, my mother did everything she could to take care of us. She never made it seem like we needed anything. I know that sounds...silly, because in actuality, we don't have much, but it's how we felt."
"It doesn't seem silly at all, Lilieth," I state. "Is it like that everywhere in the village?"
"Pretty much," she admits.
I feel angry all over again. "Something has to be done. I'm going to change that."
Sadness dims the light in her eyes. "Don't make promises you can't keep, Cadeon. Nobody would blame you—I don't. Things have been this way forever."
"That doesn't mean that change won't be welcome," I insist. "I could try to make things more comfortable. What do you need? What would you say would facilitate things for Omegas?"
Lilieth struggles to find an answer, and I inch closer to her. She immediately raises her head to look at me, eyes wide and searching. In a low voice, I say to her, "I'm going to need your help, Lilieth. You're the one connection I have to Omegas. I don't know them the way you do."
Slowly, she nods. "Alright."
I stare deeply into her eyes. They're such a beautiful shade of blue. "What are you afraid of?"
"Disappointment," she answers truthfully.
"I won't disappoint you," I promise her. "I've never meant something more than I do now."
"What if something happened?" she asks. "What if you find that you can't help us after you promised? This is more serious than you think."
"I know how serious it is," I assure her.
Lilieth presses her lips together, breathing deeply before nodding. "Okay."
The urge to kiss her hits me out of nowhere. I stare at her lips for a handful of seconds before dragging my eyes away.
"I'll help," she claims. I'm so distracted that I nearly forget what she's referring to. "I'll help. But you have to promise me one thing."
"What?"
"If you ever reach a point where you won't be able to do anything for us, please be honest. Don't...don't lie to us."
"I'd never lie about this. I have too much respect for you, Lilieth. Haven't I made that clear already? You made me realize that there's so much more to life than all the rules we have to follow. There's so much potential in the places where we least expect it."
Our faces are only inches apart. I don't know when this happened, but here we are now, and I won't pull away. Lilieth doesn't either, and that fills me with a hope that lights up my soul.
Is it possible that she feels the same way? This can't be one-sided.
There's only one way I'll find out.
Deciding I've had enough of waiting and beating around the bush, I press my lips against hers.