Confusing Talks
Lilieth
I meet his gaze steadily as everything we've discussed so far sinks in.
Finally, I give my head a shake. I'm not trying to be negative, but it sounds to me like his male ego is talking and not his common sense.
I know he has his heart in the right place, and words can't describe just how impressed I am by this. But the truth is that he doesn't have a fixed plan.
He can't fight all of them alone.
"I think this won't work, Cadeon," I say, speaking my mind. "You're alone in this, remember that. Those people...you don't know how cruel they are."
"I do know."
"You don't," I insist. "You can imagine how cruel they are, but you'll only know how far they're willing to go when you experience it first-hand. If you turn your support away, they'll do the same to you. Your life will be in danger."
"There are more of us willing to see this change happen," he remarks confidently. "My brother is one of them. People aren't speaking up now, but as soon as I make my sentiments known, they'll step forward. I really think that this could work."
I think about Deo. Yes, perhaps he's right. There could be more people.
I'm aware of his eyes on me and how close we're standing to one another. This whole setting feels too...intimate. Two more nights of this.
Who will we be when it's time to leave?
I lower my gaze and stare at the small space between our feet. This is the most we've exchanged so far—I don't think we ever truly spoke before today.
I can't even pinpoint exactly when things started changing between us. They just did.
"There's something else I wanted to say to you," he mentions. My gaze flickers toward him, and nervousness twists up my insides as I wait for him to speak, wondering what he's going to say.
"I guess I never truly apologized for what I said to you the night we met," he claims.
"It's alright," I begin, "you didn't—"
"It was wrong of me," he cuts me off. "I shouldn't have called you that. Not you or any woman, even if she was a..."
He struggles to find the appropriate words. I nod. "A drunken whore."
Cadeon's embarrassment is undeniable. I laugh at it, then proceed to laugh harder. Though he's smiling and the corners of his eyes are crinkled, he doesn't really laugh. I guess I'm the only one who finds this hilarious.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. It's just that I held onto it for such a long time. At the time, it was the worst thing someone ever said to me."
I stare down at my hands, recalling everything I've been through since then in a matter of seconds. The memories kill my humor.
"I truly am sorry."
"I know," I say before pressing my lips together. "You've apologized in many different ways. I want to thank you for everything you're doing for me. If it weren't for you, I'd be dead."
"It's my fault you're still here. It's the least I could do for you."
I tuck a lock of my hair behind my ear. It once again occurs to me that we'll be here for two more nights. In the middle of nowhere. People might come after us, all to kill me. By the goddess, it's all so surreal. I can hardly focus on anything.
"Tell me what you're thinking about," I hear him say.
"Just what happens afterward," I admit. Cadeon is silent, waiting for me to continue. "What you said earlier about keeping me in the competition because of the other Omegas...I felt the same way, too. That's why I stayed. But now, after all this, I think staying would be stupid."
"You don't have to leave because you think your life will be in danger," he claims, his voice harder than it was moments ago. "They won't hurt you again. Not if I can help it."
"But until when?" I ask, confused. "When would the right time to leave be? We both know that I can't stay until the end—what's the point of that?"
"You're a competent contestant," he argues. "You'll stay for as long as you can. You're better than the others, Lilieth. By a long shot. I'm sure that you know that by now. You have potential to—"
"What?" I ask, a chuckle escaping me. "Win?"
The rest of the words seem to die on his tongue, and it makes me wonder if that's exactly what he was going to say. Things got tense all of a sudden, and I hurry to dispel it by saying, "You don't want your future Luna to look bad, do you? It's better for everyone if I leave, I think. I proved my point. Almost got killed for it. I don't think there's anything left for me."
Cadeon doesn't say a word. I wonder if I said the wrong thing and decide to stay silent. I keep expecting him to say something, but he never does, so I take it as my cue to leave.
"I'll go get a glass of water," I mention before moving away from him and heading to the kitchen, where I can finally breathe again. I place my hands on the counter near the cabinets, breathing deeply.
I'm not sure what I said to put him in this state, but I definitely feel bad. Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned his future Luna in such a bad light.
I grab a glass and fill it with tap water. I stand near the sink, taking slow sips. I'm so distracted that I don't hear him approaching me, and I only notice his presence when he calls my name.
"Lilieth."
I turn around, holding the glass in my hand. The way he's looking at me makes my heart skip a beat. I put the glass in the sink and watch as he approaches me.
"I should've said something back there, but I didn't know if I should," he begins, his eyes searching mine. "Yes, I meant to say that you had the potential to win that entire competition, and if I had to be honest with myself and the world, I'd say that you're the only woman I'd ever consider a winner."
I blink, shocked by his confession, but he isn't done yet. "You're the only woman I'm impressed by, Lilieth. If I had the choice and this world wasn't so fucking broken, I'd choose you. If you'd have me, of course."
I stare back at him, speechless. He changes the subject fairly quickly, not waiting for my response. "I'll need your help. I don't know if I made that obvious before."
"My...my help?"
"To figure out a way to get through to people," he claims. "If you want a part of this, that is. The choice is yours. I don't want to involve you in something you'd hate to be a part of."
I nod. I'm Omega-born, perhaps the only one he'll be able to communicate with. "Of course."
Things get tense. The flow of conversation was interrupted back there, and now, I don't know how to get it back. I'm still shocked about what he said—that I'm the only one he thinks would win.
Did he mean what I think he did?
"Let me show you your room," he says, once again changing the subject. I follow him through the cabin, wondering if there's more I should say.
I feel stuck. Lost.
Mentally, I'm still up that tree, watching those Gammas shoot at my sleeping bag.
Maybe tomorrow, my mind will be clearer and I'll know how to deal with Cadeon and his confusing talks.