Breaking Point
Lilieth
There isn't much time left until the big fight that will determine our future, and in my opinion, things have only gotten worse since I found out about the pregnancy.
And I mean between me and Cadeon.
He's not been talking to me as much, and whenever he does, his words are clipped and he makes a point of keeping the conversation short. Because of this, I'm starting to avoid talking to him at all. I forget he's being a dick sometimes and go over to him to say something and he'll brush me off. I mean, he'll answer my question and he never ignores me, but I can tell the difference. I know how we used to be.
I hate that he's treating me this way when he told me he supported my decision!
I haven't confronted him about it; I know it'll only lead to a big fight. I'm avoiding that because everyone's on edge and I don't want to say something I won't be able to take back. Even Corey disagrees with me. He wants me to stay with him and Deo, but every time I think about being away from that fight, my insides twist into little knots. I can't. I have to go. But like I said, I'm avoiding arguments.
Everything will have to wait until after the march.
That's how everyone's referring to it—the march. The stand. The showdown. Sometimes, I wonder if this event will go down in history and if so, how it'll be described. If the Alpha-borns win, they'll likely hide this event from the history books and make this a crime to even mention.
But I choose to believe that we're going to win.
I'm counting on it.
Night falls. It's almost impossible to believe that tomorrow is the day. Everyone's on edge. The house has never been more silent.
I'm in the room when Cadeon walks in. We exchange a look, but he quickly averts his gaze. My heart sinks. Though I'm mad at him for acting this way, my bond doesn't let me not care.
I want to scratch his eyes out right now, but I stay put.
He starts taking his clothes off. I'm sitting on the bed with my legs stretched out fully and a pillow behind my back. His muscles flex as he makes quick work of taking off his shirt. He's only in his pants when he suddenly pauses and glances at me over his shoulder.
I almost feel bad to be caught staring. Almost. I didn't mean to send a pulse of desire through the bond—sometimes I can't help it, even if I really don't want to.
Cadeon looks away from me, though, and continues getting undressed. My wolf registers this as rejection, and this strange heat forms in the pit of my stomach. I know what this is—it's trouble. It's dangerous.
The words I've been holding for days tumble from my lips.
"Are you going to tell me what's wrong or are you really waiting for me to ask?"
Cadeon pauses and straightens his back. Then, he says, "I don't think I need to mention something that is glaringly clear, Lilieth."
"Clear to whom? Me? You told me you understood my wishes!"
"I said what I could to avoid an argument with you because you can't be stressed, alright? That doesn't mean I'm happy with your decision. Surely, you should know me by now."
"Oh, you're avoiding an argument but what you're doing is way worse!" I exclaim, my anger getting the best of me. "How do you think I feel, knowing that you're ignoring me? You barely look at me most days. Is that supposed to be better than having an argument?"
Cadeon sighs in exasperation and his hands move to his hips. My mouth goes a little dry at the sight of his torso, but I focus on what's happening here. Where's this desire coming from? I've never been this way.
This pregnancy is making me feel like I'm losing my mind.
"I don't think you realize how difficult you are sometimes, Lili," he claims. He says this with so much emotion that I can't find it in me to be mad at him for it. "You want to take care of everyone, but no one's allowed to take care of you. You don't have to risk your life to show how bad you feel about the whole thing. We know—and you know what else? This didn't start because of you. The plan was already in motion. If you don't join the fight, no one will feel like you're hiding behind them like an Alpha-born would. Because that's what the problem is, isn't it? You're willing to risk your life because you're afraid of what everyone else will think."
His words hit me harder than a slap across the face. He doesn't stop there, though. He takes a few steps toward me and adds, "Yet, you don't care about what I think, do you? No, I'm just supposed to shut up and let you do whatever you want, even if it's risking your life and the life of our baby. Do you hear that? Our child. You might be carrying this baby, but it's also mine. What, my role as a father only activates once the baby's here? And only then am I supposed to care about its life? Is that what you're trying to say to me?"
"It's not like that," I say in a low voice. "I want to fight. I can't stand it that—"
"Yeah, you've said it before," he interrupts coldly. "Well, guess what? I can't stand the fact that my opinions and wishes mean nothing to you. I can't stand it anymore."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means that if you want to fight, go ahead. Fight. Do whatever you want."
He gets dressed again, and I watch him the whole time, trying to come up with words to say but they fail me. When he leaves the room, I feel this emptiness echoing through the bond.
I want to ask him to come back. I need him here.
But again, I don't say a word.
Minutes later, Deo enters the room. I fold my arms and look away so she doesn't see my tears.
"Too late," she remarks before sitting beside me on the bed. "You don't have to hide your tears from me. I know what happened. I heard it. We all did."
Great.
"Why are you being so stubborn about this?" she asks. "He's right. We care about you, and there's no need for you to get hurt. You really need to address these feelings driving you to make such a bad decision, Lili. Right now, it seems like you don't care about this baby at all. I know that's not true."
I refrain from answering because I'm so mad right now that I know I'll say the wrong thing.
"Mom says it's the pregnancy," Deo claims. "She told me she was acting just as crazy as you did, and she and Golen almost broke things off. I think it runs in the family. You're not like this."
"Don't tell me what I'm like, Deo! You don't know what's going on inside my head! None of you do! I want to fight and I'm going to fight! That's the end of it!"
Once I get the words out, I turn on my side and slam my head against the pillow. Deo stays by my side for a few more seconds before rising and leaving the room without saying a word.
I cry. It feels like there's nothing else I can do.
I'm not defenseless. I'm just pregnant. I can do this. If I don't try and we lose, I'll blame myself because every bit of help makes a difference. This is my future we're talking about—I'm thinking about this baby, too. The stakes are higher than ever. I'm a good fighter. I can do it.
Why can't they trust my capabilities?
Why do they have to treat me like I'm terminally ill or something? Why aren't my wishes being respected? I don't understand what I'm doing wrong at all.
Well, it doesn't matter. Tomorrow, I'll go. I'll get ready and I'll go, and nobody's going to stop me. Nothing they say will work.
I'll show them I can do this.