Fierce Stubbornness
Cadeon
My eyes are intently on the healer as she leaves the bedroom.
By the goddess, what the hell is going on? Why does one bad thing seem to happen right after another? When Lili passed out in my arms, I could hardly believe it. It happened out of nowhere. We were talking and then she was falling.
I still don't understand what happened.
"How is she?" I ask right away. "Please, tell me she's alright. What happened to her? What does she have?"
The healer looks back and forth between me and Deo. We're the only ones here and I didn't have time to call for anyone else.
"Well, at first I didn't know what it could've been, because there are a great number of ailments that could lead to a sudden blackout."
The woman clears her throat and I stare back at her impatiently. I'm imagining all sorts of things leaving her lips. Terminal illness. Death. I don't know what I'll do with myself if I lose her. That can't happen—it's out of the question.
"But I did a physical exam, and I can positively say that she's with child."
Deo gasps and touches my shoulder. The healer's words don't register as quickly as they should, but that's only because that was the last thing I expected her to say. The very last thing.
"What?"
"You're going to be a father," she claims, smiling. "I know for a fact that it's not the Ignis, even though he's married to her."
Deo starts to explain to her that it's all a strategic plan, but the healer assures us that it's really none of her business and she's just happy to help. A father. I'm going to be a father. This wave of happiness mixed with disbelief crashes into me, leaving me practically breathless.
"Can I see her?"
"Go ahead. She's still asleep. Be sure to give her the news carefully, so she doesn't get shocked. Also, she needs to rest. All this stress isn't good for any woman carrying. She can't exert herself for the first few weeks. That's extremely important—I can't stress this enough."
"Of course. I'll make sure she rests."
"We all will", Deo adds.
I start toward the bedroom and Deo claims she'll give us some time to talk. Then, tears fill her eyes and she smiles as she says, "Congratulations. I...I'm so happy. Really happy. This is the kind of news we all needed."
"Thank you," I say before heading in.
Lili is lying flat on the bed, eyes closed. I run my hand over my mouth as I stare at her. Pregnant. I can hardly believe it. Yes, we haven't done much to stop it from happening, but lupine pregnancies take time. She'd have to be in heat. The bond would need to be cemented, in a sense. We've not been mates for a long time.
We thought we had time.
It seems not.
I watch her. The last thing I want is to wake her, so I keep my distance. I'm really fucking happy, though. I never thought I'd feel this way—I never imagined this situation at all. Though I've tried to envision a future after the war, it's always been something I'd deal with afterward, not now.
I stand against the wall until she wakes up. Lili exhales before her eyes flutter open, and I stay put as she looks around in confusion. The room is dimly lit, but I have a clear view of her because the light source is on the nightstand, right next to her head.
She tries to sit up, and that's when I make my presence known. I startle her. "Hey, just lie down, alright? Lie down. It's alright. You're in bed."
"What happened?" she asks right away, rubbing her forehead like she's trying to remember.
"You passed out, remember?"
Lili blinks for a few seconds, then realization floods her features. "Yes, I remember that. By the goddess, the feeling hit me out of nowhere. I had this tightness in my chest."
"It's this entire situation. It's not good for you."
She sighs. "It isn't good for anyone."
The thought of that son of a bitch Wenton trying to kill her while she was carrying my son makes my wolf growl. I have this sudden urge to find him and rip him apart, but my sensible side takes over, and I focus on her. I'll find him when we get there.
Right now, I have to be on Lilieth's side. She needs me.
I take her hand and squeeze it. Her eyes meet mine and a soft smile tugs at the corners of her lips. "I'm sorry if I scared you."
"It's alright. It isn't your fault."
"Did the healer stop by?"
"Yes."
She narrows her eyes at me suspiciously. "What's going on? What aren't you telling me?"
I recall the healer's words. I have to be careful about this. I don't want to just throw this at her. "Well, she said you..." I struggle to find the right words and her eyes fill with panic. "It's nothing serious. Or maybe it is. I don't—"
"Cadeon, just tell me."
"You're pregnant," I say as carefully as I can. "You're a few weeks along."
Lili stares back at me, her face blank. "Pregnant."
"Yeah."
After a while, she sits up. Her eyes are on her lap now, and I can tell by thinking her eyes that she's shocked. I decide to intervene. "Hey, this is a good thing, right? This is great. Everyone's happy with the news."
Her gaze flickers to my face. "I don't think it's right to celebrate after what happened to Deo. We have to be considerate. It's not..."
She trails off, not finishing her sentence.
At this point, I'm confused. Lili struggles to say more, but fails. I say, "Of course, we'll be considerate, alright? What's important right now is that you calm down and avoid as much emotional stress as possible, alright? You can't exert yourself."
"Cadeon, that's impossible. In a few days, we're all going to have to fight for our freedom. That's the fight that counts."
"Lili—"
"What, you're saying I won't join that fight?"
"Of course, you can't."
She goes still. I can see the stubbornness creeping into every nook and cranny inside of her. By the goddess, this woman. She refuses to listen.
"Lilieth," I begin more calmly, my fingers moving to caress her face. "I need you to listen to me, alright? You can't fight in this state. It's dangerous, not only for the baby, but for you."
"I understand that, but I won't back away now."
I frown. I don't know how to deal with this. "You're not going to risk your life like there aren't other fighters available. You're just going to hurt yourself."
"Cadeon—"
I stand up. "I've asked you not to put me in a position where I'll watch you get hurt and not be able to do a thing about it. I told you, that doesn't work. My nature won't allow it."
"Don't you get it!?" she asks angrily. "There's no me and the baby if we don't win! How can I sit by while everyone I love marches into this? I can't. My nature won't allow that!"
Frustration courses through me. I could stand here and argue with her until tomorrow about this and she still wouldn't change her mind. I've seen the extent of her stubbornness, and the more we argue, the more at risk she is.
"Alright," I finally say. "Okay. If that's what you want to do, then we'll have to find a way to get you into that field safely."
Her expression softens. "Really?"
I nod and join her side on the bed once more. Her eyes are gleaming with tears as she says, "Thank you for understanding me. I'm not doing this because I want to harm myself—I just have to, you know?"
"It hurts me to understand, but I do. Don't stress about this, alright? We'll find a plan. We'll just have to, right?"
Lili nods, and I pull her closer to me. As I hold her, it occurs to me that I'm going to have to come up with a plan to keep her away from that battlefield. There's no way I'll actually let her march against them with us. She'll harm herself and our child, and as a male, I simply can't let that happen.
Yes, she'll hate me for it. By the goddess, this might even be the end of us.
But I won't let her stubbornness kill her, and I prefer to see her angry with me but alive than content but dead. They'll hurt her and I won't be able to do a single thing about it. The thought alone makes goosebumps spread across the surface of my skin. I feel sick with rage and it hasn't even happened yet.
No, I'll find a way to keep her safe.
There's no way around it.