Positive...am I pregnant?

Positive...am I pregnant?
Diana

The sun hadn't even properly risen when I opened my eyes. Ethan was still asleep beside me, his chest rising and falling in a calm rhythm, his breathing light. For a moment I just stood there looking at him, trying to find courage in the silence.

Today I would know.

As soon as he left for work, the house became too quiet. All I could hear was the distant sound of birds and the dripping of water from the sink faucet. I stood there for a few minutes, staring at the little box on the bathroom table. Small, simple, but it felt like it weighed a ton.

I bought the test yesterday, secretly. And since then, my heart hadn't stopped racing.

"It's just a test," I thought. "Nothing serious. It could be negative."

But my hands were shaking so much I could barely open the box.

I read the instructions about ten times, as if that would prepare me for any result.

I took the test.

Then I stood there, staring at that little piece of plastic on the sink. Thirty seconds felt like an eternity.

My heart was pounding so hard I could hear it.

And then… two lines.

Two. Very clear.

In that moment, the ground disappeared beneath my feet.

My whole body shivered. I gripped the test tightly, as if it would vanish if I blinked. And, without realizing it, I started laughing and crying at the same time.

I was pregnant.

Pregnant.

The word echoed in my head like music and a scream at the same time.

I sat on the bathroom floor, leaning against the wall, the test clutched between my fingers. Tears streamed down my face uncontrollably. It was joy, it was fear, it was all mixed together.

My heart seemed to dance and ache at the same time.

Because along with the happiness came fear.

The fear I thought I had buried, but never truly disappeared.

I remembered the blood, the hospital, the emptiness. That unbearable pain that came when I lost the baby before.

The one that never got to be born.

All because of her.

Meredite.

My stomach churned just remembering. The sound of the tires, the impact, the taste of iron in my mouth, Ethan's desperation screaming my name.

That woman had taken more than a child from me. She had ripped a part of my soul.

And now… now I was pregnant again.

I pressed the test against my chest, crying softly.

I wanted to believe that this time it would be different. That this time the universe would let me live this in peace.

I stayed there for long minutes, until I felt I could breathe properly. I went to the bedroom slowly, sat on the bed and stared into nothingness.

The room seemed brighter. The wind blew gently through the window, making the curtain sway. And in the midst of all this, I felt…

A warmth in my chest. A kind of hope I hadn't felt in a long time.

I grabbed my phone. I wanted to call Ethan right away. I wanted to tell him, scream, make him drop everything and come home.

But something held me back.

I wanted to tell him in person.

I wanted to see his face when he found out.

I wanted to preserve this moment the right way.

I went to the mirror and looked at myself again. My eyes were still red, but the smile insisted on staying there, even through the tears.

I instinctively caressed my belly. It was too early to feel anything, but… it felt like something was already there. A promise.

"Hi, my love," I whispered softly, my voice trembling. "Mommy's here, okay? This time everything will be alright. I swear."

The tears returned, but now they were different.

Tears of relief.

Tears of love.

Tears of hope.

I spent the rest of the morning unable to concentrate on anything. I walked around the house, arranged some flowers, turned on the TV, then turned it off immediately. Anything made me think about the same thing.

I grabbed a notepad and started writing without thinking: dates, baby names, possible ways to tell him.

But every time I remembered what happened in the past, my hand froze.

What if fate decided to play a trick on me again?

I shook my head, trying to push away the bad thoughts.

"It won't happen," I repeated to myself. "She's gone. It's over. You're safe now."

Even so, fear still lurked deep in my chest.

I closed my eyes and tried to imagine the future. Ethan holding my face with that calm look. Him hugging me when I told him. The sparkle in his eyes, the laughter, the shock, the emotion.

I knew he would cry.

And that, in his own way, he would hold me as if he wanted to protect us from the whole world.

I lay down for a while and imagined it all, my heart racing, my body light and heavy at the same time.

The test was still there, on the bedside table. Two lines. So simple, yet so powerful.

I felt a shiver and closed my eyes again.

This time, it wasn't fear. It was something more beautiful.

It was hope being reborn.

After so long fighting, crying, surviving, I finally felt that life was giving me something back.

Something that had been taken from me.

Something I didn't even know if I still had the courage to want.

And now it was there.

Inside me.

I smiled again, tears streaming down my face, and whispered:

"Thank you, God."

I didn't know what was coming next. But for the first time in a long time, I wasn't running from the future.

I wanted to live it.

For myself. For Ethan. And for this little miracle that had just begun.