Morning sickness...

Morning sickness...
Diana

I woke up feeling terribly nauseous. You know when it feels like your stomach is rising to your throat and the world is spinning at a strange pace? That's it. I sat on the edge of the bed, eyes closed, breathing deeply, trying not to vomit right there. Ethan had already left to take care of some things early, and the house was too quiet.

For a second I thought it was tiredness, or maybe some kind of virus. It had been a long time since I felt something like this. I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror: pale, dark circles under my eyes, and a horrible bitter taste in my mouth.

"It must have been dinner yesterday," I thought, trying to convince my body that it was just that. Seafood. I always knew my stomach didn't get along with shrimp.

I went downstairs slowly, smelling coffee coming from the kitchen. My mother was already there, all excited, in her apron and with a smile on her face.

"Goodness, girl, what's with that face?" she asked, putting down her spoon.

— I think I ate something that made me sick.

She looked me up and down, in that way only mothers know how to look, as if she could see what I didn't even know yet.

— Seafood, right? — she asked.

— Uh-huh. Shrimp.

She crossed her arms, leaned against the sink, and raised an eyebrow.

— What if it's not shrimp?

— What do you mean, Mom? — I said, laughing, a little impatiently.

— I don't know… it could be something else.

— Something like what?

She stared at me with a mischievous smile.

— Like morning sickness.

I almost spat out my coffee.

— WHAT? — I said too loudly.

— Well, am I wrong? — she shrugged. — Morning sickness so early, without explanation… it smells like a baby, you know?

I rolled my eyes.

— Oh, Mom, stop it. "We'll take care of ourselves, everything's fine. It must have just been dinner."

"That's what they all say," she replied, stirring the pot again with that air of someone who already knows the end of the story. "Take a pregnancy test, just to be sure."

I stayed quiet.

She didn't say anything else, but I couldn't stop thinking about it for the rest of the morning either.

I went up to the bedroom, lay down, and stared at the ceiling, feeling my heart race. It couldn't be. Ethan and I never talked about having children now. We had agreed to wait a little longer, enjoy the peace, travel, live without fear after everything that had happened.

But, at the same time… it made too much sense.

The nausea, the constant sleepiness, the sensitivity. And, to make matters worse, I didn't even remember when my last period had been.

I got up, went to the balcony, and stood there, looking at the garden. The wind on my face, the sound of the birds, and my head spinning. A mixture of fear and curiosity.

“What if it really is?”

I tried to imagine Ethan holding a baby. That huge man, so serious, completely disarmed by a tiny being. I laughed to myself just thinking about it.

But along with the image came fear.

What if it happened again?

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to relive any pain.

The doorbell rang and I heard Ethan's voice downstairs, talking to my mother. I went down slowly, trying to disguise the confusion in my head.

He came in with that calm demeanor, a kiss on the cheek, a tired smile.

"How are you, love?" he asked, hugging me.

"A little nauseous this morning, but it's gone now."

"It must have been dinner yesterday," he said. "That seafood was strange indeed."

I nodded, smiling slightly.

Inside, I was screaming to tell him. But something held me back.

We had dinner, laughed a little, watched TV. I tried to seem normal. Every time he looked at me, I felt the weight of the secret growing inside me.

When we went to bed, he fell asleep quickly, as always. And I lay there, turned to my side, staring at the ceiling.

I tried to imagine what would happen if it were true. Us starting over. The house full of laughter, of mess. The smell of a baby in the air.

But what if it wasn't time? What if the world wasn't safe enough yet to bring a new life?

The fear was real, but so was the desire.

I picked up my phone and started doing calculations in the notepad. The dates, the days, everything matched. Damn it.

I sighed and let the phone fall onto the pillow.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll buy the test.

I closed my eyes and forced myself to breathe slowly, trying to silence the turmoil inside my head.

But my heart… my heart was already beating differently. As if deep down, way down deep, I already knew the answer.